What I have learned in Life

’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I’ve Learned
that I will learn every day

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What makes a Man

Very often in these societies what constitutes a man and a woman are clearly defined roles, but in our societies today they are not. Too often we want to measure manhood by some quantifiable amount of testosterone, bravery, or physical strength but we fail to see what truly makes him a man. Don’t get me wrong; women like a sense of safety but that could be when in his arms or walking down the street, financial security, or simply being able to trust him in their relationship. As we see though, there is variety in so many aspects of manhood and differ by situations and relationships.

So if there is so many differences can there be any consistent aspects of manhood that exists today? It’s hard to say, but I’ve been lucky enough to see living examples in my friends and family. Even in the warrior tribal sense honor has always been associated with being a man. Honor can be described as honesty, respect, and integrity. Honesty is a complex idea, not every man who lies is dishonest and those who tell the truth can at times be far from honest.

I’ve seen a good man sin
I’ve seen a tough man cry
I’ve seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie”

In honesty we must connect it to integrity, the sad thing is that today words like integrity are not even discussed. It comes down to who you are as a person, you can have all the other characteristics of a man, but if you lack integrity you fail at what makes you a decent human.

Respect is what makes a man, respect for oneself, your family, and women. I know that we live in modern times with modern women and that not every woman is a good woman but the point still stands. I was raised to treat women and elders with respect, yet we seem to be living in a time where the exact opposite of this has become mainstream pop culture. Respect for ladies should not just stop at your mother and sisters, but treating them with the respect and dignity they deserve. Even if you don’t agree with this idea, we live in a society that if you can’t follow this, you end up looking shameful not her.

Humility, a woman likes a man with confidence but there is a difference between having confidence and being arrogant. Only in our own humility are we able to be sympathetic to others and see them at the very least as equals. I have had a very good life so far, but in the same sense I have come from humble beginnings, my parents had to work for things in life, not everything was a given. At the same time there are always those who have it worse, and understanding this concept will allow you to be a man and reach back to help those in need.

A man carries himself in a proper manner, and acts in such as well. We must not confuse a gentleman as someone who carries some sort of social standing, but instead as the behavior in which he conducts himself. A man can keep his cool in hot-tempered situations, understands humility and never boasts, and shows his respect by not being one to badmouth or undermine others. Being a man is putting these characteristics into practice.

Morality and ethics, without them you fail as a person, but more so than that it is having virtue. In being ethical you do the right thing, you let your morals guide you other than emotions or desires. This is not limited to just yourself, but preserving others virtue, including that of a woman’s. This may be the most challenging but it is also one of the most defining characteristics and often the most noted upon.

Responsibility, any boy can create a child but it takes a man to be there for his family. One thing that I learned from the man that raised me, my father, is responsibility. I do not try to be everyone’s friend and I realize that not everyone will like me no matter how much I try. What matters to me, at the end of the day is that when all is said and done, even if they don’t like me they can depend on me. That they know if they called me that I would be there for them. Now I am not in the business of trying to be used, but if I were truly needed I would be there for them.

Intelligence, I am not saying that you have to be smart to be a man, and I’m sure many women would happily agree with this. There is a difference between what is smart and what is intelligent. Why would intelligence have anything to do with a man, because it provides substance, problem-solving skills, and abilities that are required of you as a man.

A man is not defined by the role he plays with his significant other, because if you are not a man as you stand on your own, then even with that person you never truly were a man. A man faces his problems and deals with issues straightforward, that is why so often it is referred to as “to man up.” No one is perfect and I can admit where I have stumbled and in some cases fallen, but as long as you continue to strive for such is what in the end really makes you a man. Point being, The difference between men and boys are the lessons they learn. If all else fails or if we fail individually we must take these lessons and apply them.

When you are with a woman that blesses you with her love because the love a good woman is a gift to cherish .. you give of that which is alive in you; you give of your joy, your interest, of your understanding, of your knowledge, of your humor, of or your sadness — of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in you. In thus giving of his life, you enrich her, you enhance her sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of aliveness. You do not give in order to receive; giving is in itself exquisite joy. But in giving you cannot help bringing something to life in the other person, and this which is brought to life reflects back to you.
A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible…. No wait… I’m thinking of alcohol. Now if I only drank. 🙂

If by Rudyard Kipling
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

The true measure of any relationship “Are you friends” in bad times and good

Growing up I learned how to cook/sew/washed floors/did my laundry/do all my grocery shopping/ paid all bills even when I was in the military. Yesterday while playing BB some “dude” said a “real MAN wouldn’t do IT. As I stood over him like “Ali standing over Liston” because my elbow “accidentally” (that’s my story )knocked him out and his two teeth ..I think he got my point…You are a man not because you were born ..you are one by what you do and how you take care of the people you love. This “dude’ lives with his woman who supported him for the past 2 yrs…. yOU CAN COLOR ME WRONG all you want I just have no patience for that

So what makes a man or define a man ?

“What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me— nor woman neither, though by you’re smiling you seem to say so.”
“Hamlet” William Shakesphere

Being a kid is a blast. Unfortunately, we grow up, and things change. Our actions in everyday situations become more difficult, and ultimately define our character. How we handle these 5 moments that define a man?

#1 – Choosing to Marry This moment comes long before you pop the question. Ask yourself not whether you’ll still want to sleep with her in 20 years (you will), but how you’ll react when you discover what brand of sugar and spice she’s truly made of. A promising answer: “We’re still a pretty good team.”

#2 – Becoming a Father There are tons of fatherhood variables, but we do know one simple truth: The only times you’ll suck at being a dad are the moments you refuse to put your kids’ needs first. If you’re ready to prioritize them consistently, you’ll cruise.

#3 – Receiving Your First Real Defeat: I don’t mean losing to Springfield during your sophomore year. The adult defeats – job losses, divorces, family estrangement death or pain of loved ones – are the ones that cut deep into the ego, because they spotlight failure of temper, character, and adaptability. This week I learned of three people close to me ….one who was sexually asaulted…one who died and one who is ill. I wrote all day. ARE you able to limp to your feet, spit the turf out of your mouth, and smile with your two front teeth missing? You’d better be. People rally around that guy.

#4 – Becoming an Orphan: The day both your mom and dad are officially gone is a defining one. No more training. No more advice. No more free meals on Thanksgiving Day. It’s your turn to be the example at the head of the table. You don’t have to wear a cardigan when you carve the turkey, but you do have to take up the knife. Don’t cut yourself.

#5 – Realizing You Don’t Know Everything: The younger you are when you experience this moment of clarity, the better. It means you’ll be humbler in the face of knowledge – that’s a good thing. It also means you’ll have more years to quest, to learn, to figure out everything from options trading to tying a tighter fly. You ain’t stupid, sir. But unlike Hamlet you ain’t God, either

Women aren’t the only ones who can make the “biggest mistake of their lives” by marrying or dating the wrong person.

Essentially, men date the wrong women for many of the same reasons women date the wrong men: external pressure from their friends and family, loneliness and insecurity, believing that you can fix any faults she might have… Trophy Wives. Hollywood Stars.

However, after talking to several friends who shared their relationship stories gone wrong, and going through a bunch I discovered a few fundamental reasons for why THEY stay with the wrong person. Most of the them reported that they felt a sense of honor, duty or obligation to do so. They did not want to hurt the her/him or disappoint the family or friends. Some also didn’t have any place to go

Guys are just as tuned in to those relationship warning signs, or what we call “red flags,” as women are. These red flags offer clues about a partner’s character. Red flags are different for everyone, but they can be defined as any troubling actions, attitudes or behaviors. The issue lies in the fact that most of these red flags go ignored.

I spoke to one friend who was dating a woman who had a drug and alcohol problem. He was initially attracted to her “life-of-the-party” type of personality, and beauty but this soon progressed into her passing out every night. Deep down, he was disgusted and extremely disappointed in her — but he also felt like she really needed him and that somehow he could rescue her from her own demons.

Ultimately, she began stealing money from him. When all was said and done, he had invested over two years in the relationship and eventually ended all contact with her. He thought she needed a knight in shining armor and he took on that role with ease. Unfortunately, she knocked him off of his horse, stole it and left him to figure out how to get home!.

A conversation with another friend and actress in films spoke of a relationship where she paid for everything and he was a actor who hadn’t worked in a film since a bit part in 2007. She’s worth millions and he wants to get married.

There is a lesson here for all who might be dating the wrong person: Don’t believe that you can save another person. You don’t have that much power, nor do you want that much power.

If you are dating someone who lies, cheats, is addicted to drugs or alcohol, spends too much money, is disrespectful to others (including you)… I can almost guarantee that you will end up being miserable. These are red flags, acknowledge them, and then you will be on your way to a happier, more satisfying relationship with the right person

The most important lesson is learning to trust your gut feelings. Those gut feelings can sound that little voice in your head that makes you stop and pause, or the funny feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, or the sense that something is just not right. Our gut feelings are triggered by the red flags mentioned earlier. If you are dating a great woman she will bring out the best in you, not the worst. Let me tell you about one.

Years ago I saw what was then the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Tall sexy from the islands a professional model in the 90’s who walked will all the top models she was my fantasy woman until the day I met her. She was damaged. Now in her 40″s beautiful still, damaged emotionally, and unhappy. With the ability to say one thing and then deny it the next hr, she lived in the past. She claimed to be homeless and then in the next minute deny she ever said it. I couldn’t wait to leave

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be. But I allowed someone to be my priority, while allowing myself to be their option. That’s what I was…A FALLBACK. My choice was to try to win over the woman in my head or the one in front of me.

There is a saying “You don’t know a woman until you have a letter from her” and lets just say that when I decided not to find the rabbit. I ran the risk of being the rabbit in Fatal Attraction. She brought out the worst.

If a someone who is constantly setting off a gut reaction within you, listen carefully to what that little voice in your head is trying to tell you about her. Carefully consider your friend’s behavior and how she/she treats you. Does she/he constantly belittle you in front of her friends? Is she/he critical and judgmental of you? Do you share the same common core values? Is she/he disrespectful towards you or important people in your life? Are you constantly walking on eggshells? What happens inside of you when she behaves this way? If you have ignored your feelings or pushing them aside, STOP! Take a moment to check those feelings and ask yourself ….if you truly want to be committed to someone who causes you so much discomfort.

There is no checklist that will help you find The One. Everyone has a different idea about what they want in a partner. ( brunette, sexy, etc.), but consider who you are, what’s important to you, and the type of life you want to lead. Once you have thought about that, consider the qualities your potential partner must have to compliment this vision.

For example: “I have a sense of adventure and want to experience new things — hobbies, recreation, travel.” So it would be important to find a partner who shares a similar sense of adventure with your own. That doesn’t necessarily mean that she has to love bungee jumping and cliff-diving, but it does mean that she is open-minded, curious and willing to step out of her comfort zone. Or maybe it’s a matter of being flexible enough to sit on the sidelines while you attack the double black diamonds on a ski trip while she enjoys a book by the fireplace. If you want (or already have) children, think about your goals as a parent.

“I want a wife who is gentle with children but who can also be a caring disciplinarian who is not afraid to set limits.” Another thing to consider is what type of personality compliments you. “I want to be with someone who is patient and calm but who won’t get triggered when I overreact or get panicked.”

See the subtle details in this list? It’s not just a checklist; rather, it’s about articulating the qualities and characteristics you need for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

It sounds like a cliché, but when you meet the right person, you will just know. A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy. They will bring out the best in you, not the worst.

They will be a constant source of strength for you through the good times and the bad. Your face will light up when you talk about them to your coworkers and friends. HE/She will be the first person you want to talk to in the morning and the last at night. They will be the one who brings you a week’s supply of homemade chicken soup when you get sick with the flu. They may not like to watch “the big game” with you, but they will respect your desired pastimes and have their own set of hobbies independently of you, without complaining. They do exist… but sometimes you have to free yourself from the wrong person before you can find the right one otherwise you will be sleeping in a king size bed one day by yourself.

A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will not argue with her because she is seeking her dreams. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible….and you will treat her like a queen, not because of what she has or what she can do for you ….but just because she loves you

One day for everybody the world will stop and the most beautiful person in the world, inside and out, will appear and a miracle will happen ….The person you wished for was the friend right in front of you

Here are 75 ways to stay unhappy And now that you know what not to do, You now know a secret about happiness.

Dale Carnegie once said, “It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It’s what you think about.”

I don’t think anyone could say it any better than that. I’ve watched so many friends search tirelessly for happiness by changing jobs, moving to new cities, pursuing intimate relationships, and tweaking all sorts of other external factors in their lives. And guess what? They’re still unhappy. Because they spend all of their time and money adding positive externals to their lives when their internals are still in the negatives.

So with that in mind, here are 75 ways to stay unhappy forever. Of course, I would highly recommend you read each bullet point and then move swiftly in the opposite direction.

Dwell on things that happened in the past.
Obsess yourself with all the things that might happen in the future.
Complain about problems instead of taking the necessary steps to resolve them.
Fear change and resist it.
Work hard, do your best and then condemn yourself for not achieving perfection.
Belittle yourself.
Hang out with other people who belittle you.
Try to control everything and then worry about the things you can’t control.
Lie to yourself and those around you.
Keep doing the same thing over and over again.
Be lazy and follow the path of least resistance.
Hold onto anger. Never forgive anyone.
Always be right. Never let anyone else be more right than you.
Compare yourself unfavorably to those who you feel are more successful.
Let small issues snowball into big problems.
Never learn anything new.
Never take responsibility for your own actions.
Blame everyone around you.
Don’t ask for directions and don’t ask questions.
Don’t let anyone help you.
Quit when the going gets tough.
Be suspicious. Trust no one.
Get four hours of sleep every night and convince yourself that it’s enough.
Never throw anything way. Even if you don’t use it, hold onto it.
Say “yes” to everyone. Fill all your time with commitments.
Try to be everyone’s friend.
Multitask, multitask, multitask! Do everything at once.
Never spend any time alone.
Don’t help others unless you have to. Do only the things that benefit you directly.
Hang out with people who complain about everything.
Focus on what you don’t want to happen.
Fear the things you don’t fully understand.
Always seek external validation before you consider yourself good enough.
Take everything and everyone in life seriously.
Spend your life working in a career field you aren’t passionate about.
Focus on the problems.
Think about all the things you don’t have.
Read or watch lots of depressing news from broadcast media.
Set lofty goals for yourself and never do anything to achieve them.
Never exercise.
Only eat junk food and fried food.
Never check-up on your health.
Setup your lifestyle so it revolves around money.
Spend more than you earn and rack up lots of financial debt.
Don’t say what you mean. Don’t mean what you say.
Frown.
Never tell anyone how you feel or what you’re thinking.
Make sure everything you do impresses someone else.
Always put your own needs on the back burner.
Get involved in other people problems and make them your own.
Make others feel bad about themselves.
Watch TV for several hours every day.
Gamble often.
Stay in the same place. Don’t travel.
Don’t play, just work.
Let your hobbies go.
Let your close relationships go.
Never finish what you start.
Take everything personally.
Do lots of drugs. Drink lots of alcohol.
Never say, “I’m sorry.” Never say, “I love you.”
Don’t work hard at anything.
Always wait until the last minute.
Believe that, no matter what, you are entitled to things.
Let others make decisions for you.
Remember the insults. Forget the compliments.
Let it all bottle up inside.
Rely on others for everything.
Fail to plan.
Don’t dream.
Don’t think about the future at all.
Always disregard other people’s opinions and suggestions.
Make promises you can’t keep.
Don’t decide on anything, ever.
Just keep going and going and going. And never ever stop.

And now that you know what not to do, You now know a secret about happiness.

Nobody is happy all of the time.

A Night 4 lives were saved …. A True Story

It was Jan 8 a cold windy day was turning into a dangerous night and against the wishes of many I made my journey from NYC back to Ft Leonard Wood, Missouri. It was a trip that I had made many times but on this occasion the snows were dark and deep and the winds made it seem like God was telling me to stop as my wipers struggled to keep the snow off my windshield. As I got to Ohio I figured the worse was behind me as I headed to hwy 70. but my night was just beginning. As I continued, I noticed how abandoned the roads seemed. It appeared that I was the only one on the road. In the distance though about a mile ahead, I saw head lights coming east as I was heading west. The car veered to the right. I assumed that it had found an off ramp and was heading home . As I continued to drive I noticed that a few autos were slowing down and driving off. I remember thinking that maybe someone hit an animal. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that there was a red glow. I continued to drive all the time thinking why were people slowing down. Then It occurred to me. I turned around, cut through the divider and headed back east

I stopped my car were the red lights were and got out. About 50 feet down a steep embankment was a car at about a 30 degree angle slammed into a tree.

Life reveals your character. Events bring out who you are. I remember in the Gulf war a soldier who “couldn’t wait ” to kill and when the event started he locked himself in a vehicle and wouldn’t come out. We had to leave him behind. I didn’t know who or what was in the car but I was compelled to do something. Because of the weather I was prepared if I was stuck. But now I had to figure in 0 wind chill weather how to get down this hill.

I took out the rope that was in my car and tied it to my car..and proceeded to go down the hill with my medical kit. What I found was a woman bleeding, still conscious and her 6 yr old son in a secure car seat. She was also pregnant. One thing that you learn first in any medical training is that after you check for breathing, you check for bleeding and this woman was bleeding badly. I pushed the car off its angle. Smashed a window with a rock and entered

I had many things running through my mind. It was 1:13 am and it was dangerously cold. Her son being 6 was crying. I looked at him and asked ” What is your name.? “Mike” he said ” Well Mike do you want to play a game”?. “I am going to start to sing a song and I want you to follow along”

The only song that I could think of was Frank Sinatra singing “High Hopes”. So I started singing “Just what makes that little old ant, think he’ll move that rubber tree plant. To my surprise he started to sing. At the same time I was singing I was attending to his mom. THE tourniquet that I had applied to her arm seemed to slow down the bleeding. The cold was also helping and hurting me us both. Little did I know at the time because I had slipped going down that I had broken my wrist

Suddenly she cried out in pain. ” My baby”

Right then I knew that this was going to be a night unlike any other. “My water broke” she cried out. “How long” I asked . “8 months and I think she’s coming now.

Now the only time I had ever seen a child born was on the Discovery Channel. But because of the extreme cold I knew that I had to get help and keep them warm. One of the things that you learn in SERE Training is to be creative and to survive. Unable to get a cell signal, knowing that I needed to get help and flag someone down, I took her son and carried him up to my car. I took all my papers and my clothes and bundled them together with some wood and set them on fire and climbed back down. Hoping that someone would see the car’s blinking lights and the fire and stop…. I proceeded to climb back down, and prayed that someone would come. Otherwise all of us might be dead in the morning.

Now two lives needed my help. I was able to lay her down in the car. Thank God it didn’t have bucket seats.
Suddenly I heard a voice yelling. A man had stopped because he had seen the fire and the flashing light.

I yelled to him “Call a ambulance this woman is injured and is having a baby “ Minutes seemed like hr’s. I was worried that I could lose them both. At 3.17 am in the morning the baby was coming. On the outside I was calm and I had to keep her calm. On the inside I was scared and my heart was beating 100 mph. I started to see the head. At that same time I was tapped on the shoulder. It was the EMS. “We will take it from here” she said “Go up and get warm” another said . I climbed to the top and now could see about 3 police cars on their way.

I sat in My car and got warm . I heard someone say “its a Girl and they will all be ok. Because I being deployed something compelled me to go and I got in my car and drove off. Six months later I received a call from the Secretary of the Army at the Pentagon. It had appeared that I had saved the life of an US Congressman’s wife and they had looked for me. I was to come to the Pentagon to receive a medal and be honored. I was asked ‘ Why did I stop when so many others kept going and why didn’t I give my name” My answer was simply

“We all make choices Then our choices make us .. it was the right thing to do’

At the end when the Congressman’s father came up to thank me for saving his family

I said ” No need” “Just tell them I said thank you because little did they know… they saved my life also”

The Lessons of Failure lead to Success

When I was in L.A. at Fox Studios I was reminded of one thing. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame anybody for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents or the Government for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise anybody for experiencing poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have been poor, and I agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticized only by fools.

What I feared most for myself was not poverty, but failure.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what makes up failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere ten years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. A series of exceptionally short-lived relationships had imploded, and I was jobless, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern the U.S without being homeless. The fears that my parents had for me, and that I had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be since represented a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope and not a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.

Now you might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and the fount of all invention and innovation. In it’s arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life was living in Germany Though I was in the Military I volunteered my time by working at the African research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to speak against their governments. Visitors to our offices included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had left.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was then, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him back to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just had to give him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week, I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

In every War, very day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or support power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard, and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International and in the Military than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilizes thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creäture on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathize.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to stay comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know. They can claim the President is the reason their lives are a failure, never seeing the collective reason why we are sliding into a rabbit hole for the fault lies not in the stars but in ourselves.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the willfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped change. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise, enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we colluded with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

My travels in the military allowed me see the wonders if the universe. Whether in Germany or Spain …whether in Korea or China whether in Montana or in NYC you see the best that people have to offer. How wonderful it is though that no one has to wait a single moment to make the world a better place.

Imagine if all the men and women who gave so much of themselves to this country didn’t have to be Homeless. Last year it was reported close to 250 thousand men and women who served were homeless.

Imagine if we didn’t have to hear about stories a 5 year old child who was dying and the insurance company refused to pay anymore for his medicine because they said “It cost to much”. Or the Golden Gate which was closed down because of repairs that cost to much.

In 20 yrs will we be traveling on worse roads Will water be clean …will China be the leading manufacturer of Solar panel and will we be traded for another hostage with companies American and foreign, that in many cases wish us anything but good?

The answers to these questions depends on a great many things I lived in Europe for 5 yrs The infrastructure compared to ours. We’re moving along in the equivalent of a Ford Pinto with bridges rotting and falling down, while other nations, our competitors in the global economy, are building efficient, high-speed, high-performance platforms to power their 21st-century

We used to be smarter than this but Washington all but gave up thinking. America’s infrastructure, education and people, once the finest in the world, has been neglected for decades. We’ve become stupid about this.

Much of the nation’s rail is approaching the tail end of its useful life. If you’ve flown anywhere recently, you know what a nightmare that can be. To the extent that we have any all, , often doing more harm than good as it serves the interests of politicians who are crazy for pork and not the real needs of the American public.

You can’t thrive as a nation while New Orléans is drowning, and Detroit is being beaten into oblivion decade after decade, and a bridge in Minneapolis is collapsing into the Mississippi River, and cities in upstate New York and the Rust Belt are rotting from lack of employment opportunities, and so on.

Imagine, instead, an America with rebuilt, healthy, dynamic metropolitan areas, and gleaming new port facilities, and networks of high-speed rail, an America with electric vehicles and a smart grid and energy generated by the power of the sun and wind and water and the ocean’s waves. Imagine if the children of today’s toddlers had access to world-class public schools all across the nation and a higher education system that is both first-rate and affordable.

Imagine if we set out seriously to do all this.

I have one last hope for everybody, The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for President.

So today, I wish you nothing better than similar friendships. Unless you meet them Facebook friends are not real friends nor following Movie Stars will make you part of their lives. Its like saying going to church makes you religious or standing in your garage makes you a car. Tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:

“As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.”

Real Men never leave their children !!!!!

I am admittedly very upset right sensing the hurt of a woman that is suffering the events in her life she cant control. I don’t know where else to release that steam. I’m sure I’ll step on some toes in the process. I usually do. Frankly, I don’t care this time. Dads need to stop leaving their kids, and I’m tired of men not being the ones to say it. I’m tired of the world tip-toeing around these guys’ feelings. I’m really tired of society acting like such behavior is now “normal” or “expected”. I’m tired of the media making light of it. I’m tired of the emails and comments from endless mothers who’ve been thrown under the bus. More than anything, I’m tired of dads not taking their responsibilities and duties seriously. So I decided that even if it costs me some dollar. I am going to try to help someone find her “smile”

As far as I can tell, there are three kinds of dads who willingly “leave” their kids.

The first simply leaves. He packs up, he walks away, and he wants nothing to do with his child or his child’s mother.

This man is not a man at all. He is a coward. He is a lazy and an ignorant little child who cares nothing for those whom he has been enlisted to provide for and protect. His self-centeredness and narcissism rank him among the most selfish human beings on the planet. He is a quitter, a deserter, and a weakling.

Sadly, he’ll never fully realize what he left behind. His own rationalizations and reasoning blind him to anything but a life of justification and attempts to forget his wrongful deed. He’ll never know of the hundreds of Saturday morning snuggles that could have been his. He’ll never know of the hundreds of colorful drawings his child would have handed him over the years, made with tiny loving hands just for him. He’ll never realize that he left behind so many trips to the park or the zoo. He’ll never know of the camping trips, fishing excursions and soccer games that without doubt would have filled him so much happiness. He’ll never realize that his self-absorption caused him to leave behind every bedtime story, pancake breakfast, bike ride, and tuck-in.

Even more sadly, he’ll never realize that he left behind a tiny person that would have looked at him as his hero. He’ll never know that he left a child who would have trusted him and loved him more than any other person reasonably should. And he’ll also never know that he left a child who would have done anything to be like him. To be like her daddy.

He’ll never understand or take responsibility for the giant hole in his child’s heart that will never be patched. He’ll never understand the anger and tears that his child will experience as he tries to comprehend a father that would vanish, and without sensible explanation. He’ll also never understand just how much harder his child’s life is going to be because of his absence.

No, fathers like this never realize, understand, or comprehend any of it. They can’t. A person can’t miss what they don’t know they never had.

Maybe it’s wrong of me, but I have neither room in my heart, nor in my ability to understand these types of men. I have no compassion for them. In my best attempts to fathom their decisions, I have only found anger.

But there is another kind of father who leaves as well. This dad leaves in disguise. He works to make it appear that he’s not leaving at all. He, like that first man, cloaks himself in rationalization and reasoning. He shows up just often enough to pull off his ruse, and he goes to bed each night feeling good about himself as the dad that he thinks himself to be. This second type is the divorced dad who by choice becomes nothing more than a weekend or a summer dad.

I cannot comprehend fathers that do this. I don’t understand how they can be okay with their choices, and I don’t understand how they can be okay offering such trace amounts of time and support to their children.

A dad like this is okay being a dad every other weekend and a couple weeks every summer. He’s okay spending such minimal and limited time with his child. He’s okay letting his child’s mother do the vast majority of the raising, and he is often okay watching another man step into the picture and be the dominant father figure for his own children.
He doesn’t fight to constantly be with and near his child. He doesn’t fight to be a real dad to his child. He doesn’t really fight at all.Though, he probably claims that he does. He probably spends a lot of wasteful hours telling the people in his life that he did and is doing everything he can for his child. He probably has painted a picture so pretty that even he has started to believe it.

Many of these dads hide behind phone calls and text messages to their kids. They believe that a quick check-in every so often is sufficient enough to brand themselves as “there”. They lie to themselves, they lie to others, and they lie to their kids.

Many of these dads can be wrapped under the label of Disneyland Dads. They have their children so infrequently, that when they do, it’s nothing but fun and revelry. These dads really never parent at all. A dad like this convinces himself that as long as his kid is spoiled and happy when she leaves, he’s a good dad. He’s doing his duty. After all, his kid loves him.

Real divorced dads don’t do that. Sure they find ways to do all of the things Disneyland Dads do, but they also understand how important it is to be there as often as they possibly can. They understand that their kids need their fathers’ examples and discipline. They understand the unbalance that happens when their child is fatherless most of the time.

These dads, these real dads, they fight for their children.

They are not content simply stepping to the side during a divorce. They do whatever they must in order to maintain their parental rights. They fight every battle that needs fighting, and they spend every penny that needs spending, even if it means putting themselves into a momentary financial nosedive. Real dads make their kids the prioritizing factor in every decision they make. They make sure that nothing and nobody takes precedence over their children. If needs be, they give up careers, homes, and dreams to be where there child is. They do it, and they do it at any cost.

You see, they know the crucial role they play in their children’s lives. They know that nothing is more important than their children growing up with a fighting chance at life. They know that divorce has already stripped their children of countless fundamental necessities. They know that the reality of a broken home is a greatly lowered potential and ability for future success. So, real divorced dads do something about it.

They make sure they’re there, and they make sure they’re good men. They make sure they get equal amounts of time with their kids. These real dads are never satisfied with anything less. They never settle. They never cave-in.

And as much as they understand the role that a good father must play, they also understand the vital role of a good mother. They understand the nurturing and the emotional support good mothers will give. They understand the soft shoulders that their children will need to cry on sometimes. They do everything they can to support the mother of their children, and to encourage love and respect for her.

And let’s be clear about something. Real divorced dads never get caught up in parent-bashing with their children. Ever.

And, while they are simultaneously fighting for their share of their children’s lives, they never try to take a child away from a good mother. They don’t fight so hard that their children miss out on the balance that having a good mother will always offer them. They are invested in the health and development of their children, and they know that Mom is a vital part of that.

These real dads also never shirk their duties. They don’t skip out on child support payments or constantly find ways to get out of “their turn” with the kids. A man who does this is barely better than the self-centered deserter that walks away completely. He makes the mother of his child spend far too much time and money collecting child support or forcing him to spend time with his kid. He feels safe in the fact that she usually won’t have the time or the money. He is a selfish ass who in my opinion doesn’t deserve to be in his child’s life.
And strangely enough there is a third dad who leaves as well. He is the father who somehow leaves without ever leaving at all. He is the dad who leaves while he is married and present in his family’s life. He has no intentions of ever physically walking away, and why would he? Life is “good” for dads like this. They are content. They are fine.

Personally, I believe a married man has the ability to abandon his family just as easily as a divorced dad or a deserter dad does, and from what I have seen, such an occurrence isn’t exactly rare in our society.

These dads check-out mentally. They begin putting the bulk of their priorities on everything but their children. They leave the burden of their entire families’ routines on the mothers, whether it be getting the kids up and dressed, helping them with their homework, going to parent teacher conferences, or enforcing discipline. They don’t feel the slightest twinge of guilt as they sit happily in their apathy. And what’s worse, they often have no clue that they’re even doing it.

These dads find their children to be wasteful nuisances; pesky flies that are theirs for the swatting. These dads rarely speak kind words or use soft hands. They constantly gripe about their kids not being good enough, their kids not being smart enough, and their kids not being quick enough. They turn their children into wageless employees who are expected to be at Daddy’s beckoned call, or suffer the consequences. These dads are rarely appreciative of anything, and the power of praise is a at best a foreign concept to them.

There is no place for men like this in an improving society. There is no place for men who are found sitting in boats fishing, trying to perfect their bowling hooks, or swinging their new set of golf clubs with far more frequency than they can be found sitting at family dinner or helping their children build birdhouses.

Just like their abandoning equivalents, these men are not real men, and they certainly aren’t real fathers. They are selfish and weak. They are arrogant, coarse, and crude. They crush both the hearts of their wives and the hearts of their children, and they don’t give a damn that they’re doing it.

Real married dads, on the other hand, have no part of such horse manure. The very thought of ignoring, abandoning, or loathing their children pains and sickens them. The mere mention of a business trip or being gone away from home troubles them. They take no joy in the difficulties that their absence will place on their counterparts, and when they do leave, they count down the days to their return. Real married dads aren’t just there physically; they’re there mentally and emotionally. Period.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a married dad who leaves, a divorced dad who leaves, or some guy who had a fling with Mom. The truths of leaving remain. The greatest moments of life will be altogether missed and dismissed when a man does.

A divorced dad who leaves will miss out on the trust that is built when he is actually there playing the role of father instead of friend. He’ll miss the daily stories and struggles that his child will bring home and recount. He’ll miss the nightly bear hugs before bed, and the heart to heart talks of which he could have been an integral part.

A married dad who leaves will miss out on the thrill of being a true teammate with his child’s mom. He’ll miss out on the affection and appreciation that would have been his. He also misses out on almost everything the deserting father misses out on. The only difference is that his child sleeps in the next room.

It really doesn’t matter which kind of dad a man is if he leaves. It’s all the same. It’s all tragic, and it’s all wrong. It’s a man’s refusal to put God’s greatest gift before himself. It’s indolence at its finest. And it has to stop.

It’s time we stand up and demand more of the fathers of this world. It’s time we stop buying into their rationalizations and their sorry explanations. It’s time we give our kids a fighting chance.

Why is this not the number one topic being discussed in this world? Good fathers, and by that I mean real fathers who are there, have the ability to change almost every social problem we now find ourselves facing. I’d be assumptive enough to say that there isn’t a single type of crime or a single problem so big that it couldn’t be fixed or wiped out if fathers would just step up.

Hopefully, if you’re one of these dads, it’s not too late to be that real dad. I pray to God it’s not because your kids need you. Fight for them, dads. Give up everything for them if you must. Just be there. And do it now.

If you are reading this, feeling angry or saddened because you yourself have abandoned your child, do yourself the greatest favor you ever will, and assume that someday there still can be a place for you at the foot of your child’s bed. The road back to trust might be impossible. But, it might not be. Not if you make yourself a truly good man first. You’ll never know if you don’t try. And, try you must, even if that trust is never to be yours again.

If you are reading this and you are no longer able or allowed to have a part of your child’s life because of court orders or criminal activity, I pray to God that you spend the rest of your life demanding that other men step-up so that they never have to walk through the hell you now face. Think of the good you could do.

And if you are a mom who has watched your child’s father leave, my heart goes out to you. I also pray that you had no part in it. I pray that you didn’t make it impossible for him while he was there. I pray that you didn’t try and force him to live up to impossible expectations. And, I pray that if he is a good man and he wants to be there in his child’s life that you love your child enough to let him. Even if that seems impossible to you.

I’ll discuss more of that in an upcoming post. I believe a few more dads would stick around if we can all be real about how some good dads are pushed until they give up. Damn it, moms. If you want the father around… if you want him to really be there for you and your kids… you’re going to have to let him. You’re going to have to make some things possible. You’re going to have to let go of your pride and fight for it as much as he does. And dads, if you want the mothers of your children to want you around, you have to earn it. You have to be there. You have to be good men. How tragic is it any time an era of trust ends between two parents! How heartwrenching is it every time a man who was once thought to be a good man suddenly becomes an abhorrence or a plague to his family! How calamitous is it when men simply give up or take the easy way out!Married… divorced… separated… never together… what does any relationship status have to do with a man’s parental duty? Once you’re a father, you’re always a father. There is no you in the formula of life anymore. There is always at least one other person standing beside you in that equation. Always. Own that. And never leave that behind.

PS. I understand that there are millions of different and complex situations. I understand that this couldn’t possibly apply to every one of them. I understand that mothers leave their children too. I understand that some parents are dangerous and must be allowed no part of their children. I understand that some women have booted their man to the curb with every good reason she needs. I hope it goes without saying that this post is not about those men or those situations. This post is about men who have every possibility and potential to stay in their children’s lives, but for some selfish reason they don’t. That’s all. For them I have no feelings.