General female rules vs Male Rules and How to survive the speed of the storm coming your way Fellas

General Female Rules

1. These Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

2. No MALE can possibly know all The Rules.

3. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows The Rules, she must immediately change The Rules.

4. The FEMALE is never wrong.

5. If the FEMALE is mistaken, it is a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

6.The MALE must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

7.The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.

8. The MALE must never change his mind without the written consent of the FEMALE

9. The FEMALE has the right to be upset or angry at any time.

10. The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and/or upset.

11. If the FEMALE has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.

12. The MALE is expected to mind read constantly and act accordingly.

13. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in actual bodily harm.

14. The MALE who doesn’t abide by The Rules can’t take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a whimp.

General Male Rules

1. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

2. If you don’t want to dress like Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

3. If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

4. It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

5. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

6. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

7. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.

8. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

9. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.

10. Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

11. When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying, “This is our exit?” is not necessary.

12. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
Five Minutes
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has when she wants to cut you, slice you and cover you with hot bacon grease. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare so don’t be an idiot. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows)
This means, “I give up” or “Do what you want because I don’t give a d*&#. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot, moron or troll at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here with your sorry ass, and arguing with you over “Nothing.”
Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not to move, flinch or breathe and she will stay content.
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that”, or: “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says “Oh” before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Run far, run fast and NEVER EVER look back. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your PC, DVD player and big screen TV out the 11th floor window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a big ol’ greasy lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and the statement “Go ahead”, all followed by unspeakable acts so hideous they are unprintable.
That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before implementing payback. Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. “That’s okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you’d better be ready. You’re gonna look like a Section 8 eviction, stuf all out on the curb. Check your mirrors for the next 6 months. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow.
Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to dig the hole you’re in even deeper as you try to come up with an excuse or reason for doing whatever it is you have done. You have a chance to tell the truth … but don’t. Lie like a rug and stick to it like Velcro. STICK TO THE LIE!!! But be careful you don’t get a “That’s okay”. If you do, stick and move baby, stick and move. Skillets and pots will be flyin.
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint or pee yourself; just say you’re welcome and don’t move the rest of the day.
Thanks a Lot
This is much different from “Thanks”. A woman will say “Thanks a Lot” when she is really about to “catch a case”. It’s ’bout to be on, up in here. It signifies that you have hurt her in some cold, callous way. She will probably call her 4 brothers to come over and mop the street with your brains. These words are usually followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”.
You did WHAT?
This means she found out about that hoochie across town and you’d better crawl out the window and creep up the sidewalk like a cat. She’s about to get her piece, so step … and step hard. Forget your car, just run and hide. You can come back and get your ride. If “You did WHAT?” is followed by “you bastard”, hit the floor immediately, cause she’s about to set the chamber on that 9 that she keeps under the pillow.

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings…

(obviously I HAVE gotten in more than MY share of trouble…lol )


: The Modern Elevator Pitch

: The Modern Elevator Pitch


I have always liked the idea of the elevator pitch—that is, the ability to sell yourself and what your company offers in the span of an elevator ride. But the elevator pitch has become too slow for our times. It even sounds slow.

Technology has made everything faster, so your pitch has got to be faster too. Today your “ride” lasts no more than two minutes and sometimes as little as 30 seconds. Message is key, and knowing how to deliver your company’s message and value quickly is essential.

How many sales presentations have you sat through with 100-plus PowerPoint slides and wondered afterward, “I don’t get it. What’s in it for me? How is this relevant to me as a client? Forget the slides of the company’s biggest clients, the awards received last year…. What is the bottom-line value to me as a consumer? And make it quick!”

  “118.” That’s the number of seconds you actually have to win over your prospects… eight seconds to hook them and 110 seconds to reel them in.

Those first eight seconds are crucial (the lean-in factor). In researching the idea I discovered that the length of time the average human can concentrate on something is as little as eight seconds!

You know how you hear something in a conversation and you lean in because you want to hear the rest of it? That’s exactly what you want from your prospect in those first eight seconds of the 118. Aim for speed and immediate relevance. A compelling, attention-grabbing 118 presents who you are and the value of what you do and sells that to anyone. Used effectively, it can only help your business grow bigger.

Your 118 should also describe the thing that separates you from your competition. I don’t care what businesses you are in or what other services you offer—how are you different? How do you convey it? What’s your story and how does that story connect to your prospects?

Leaders need to get away from the bland pronouncements that say, “We do this,” and focus more on “What we do for you.” You’re supposed to understand not just what you’re selling, but what it offers to your prospective client.

Here’s what you’ve got to do in those 118 seconds:

» Grab the attention of your would-be customer.

» Convey who you are.

» Describe what your business offers.

» Explain the promises you will deliver on.


Step 1: Create the First Eight Seconds

The first eight seconds are the most important part of your entire pitch. That’s when you grab the attention of your prospect and let her know you know who she is. If you do not connect in the first eight seconds, then you probably will not have her attention for the remaining 110. This is a great time to compliment something the prospect has done recently and show how you complement her business or at least know what it is that she does.

– The Good: Mentions your product or service and tells how it will help your prospect. “In less than two minutes, I will tell you how the use of [me, my company, my service] will grow your development department 115 percent.”

– The Bad: Mentions what you’re offering, but lacks any reference to what it offers your prospect. “My name is Sam Maybe-Somebody, and my company The Hopeful-Whatever wants to work with your company using our We Think It’s Super Service.”

– The Ugly: Makes no mention of your company or service and how the prospect will benefit. “My name is Sam Nobody, and my company wants to work with your company because we think we can help you.”

Step 2: Convey the Real You

Let your prospects know who you are. They want you to tell them what it is you do most passionately. Do not waste time telling them who you work with or for—they need to know who you are. This is not the time to drop the names of people and companies you’ve worked for in the past, and it is definitely not the time to mention any negative moments in your career. Talk about your passion and excellence!

– The Good: Mentions your experience without namedropping and shares your passion for work that connects to what your prospect needs. “For 15 years, I have lived my passion for designing the most cost-efficient communication systems in the business.”

– The Bad: Briefly mentions your experience and previous responsibilities but puts the spotlight on the previous organization. “For 15 years, I developed communications systems for Zapidio Communications, which focuses on university communication systems.”

– The Ugly: Mentions your previous company and a negative outcome. Does not mention your specific area of expertise. “I used to work for Zapidio Communications and then I was downsized, and I’m looking for freelance work in the communications field.”

Step 3: Describe What Your Business Offers

Let your prospects know who or what your business is. Potential clients want you to tell them what you do better than anyone else. What is your bottom line? Why do they need this information? Provide specifics of what your company does and why you’re the best in the business for the specific needs of your prospects. If you’re pitching marketing expertise, pitch marketing expertise and table discussing your other strengths until later.

– The Good: Has specific details about why your company is effective and the best at what it does. “My company increases the customer satisfaction ratings of struggling companies by using the power of technology to communicate effectively and efficiently through email, social media and Twitter.”

– The Bad: Briefly mentions what your company does, but not specifically enough to address what the prospect needs. “My company works with other companies to help them communicate better with their customers using technology like social media and email.”

– The Ugly: Vaguely refers to what your company does but with no mention of how it will benefit your prospect. “My company works with other companies to help them communicate better.”

Step 4: Explain the Promises You Will Deliver On

Your prospects want more specifics on what your brand offers. Remember: a brand is nothing more than a promise delivered. So what promise are you making to them? Know what will create buzz for your prospects, because if the bottom line is not measurable (sales is not buzz) or directly beneficial to the prospects, then they will have no interest in anything you’re proposing.

– The Good: Has specific details and knowledge about what your company can do for the prospect. “After reviewing the last two quarters of sales from your online web development company, we believe the use of our social media networking program will increase your sales by 25 percent in the next quarter.”

– The Bad: Shows limited knowledge of the prospect’s needs and offers a brief idea of what area you desire to work with. “I’ve been watching your company on the news, and I think that the use of our new machine could increase your production rates.”

– The Ugly: Does not know what the prospect’s needs are and makes no reference to your expertise—only broad and overly general platitudes. “Our company will work hard to address any and every need that you have to grow your company.”

Once you’ve built the message, you’ve got to learn how to deliver it. Look in the mirror and polish your 118—make it shine! Recite it as often as you can so when opportunity knocks, you can open the door and sell.

To capitalize on these opportunities and grow, businesses always need to be selling themselves and the changes they make in everything they do. Not doing it is like squatting with spurs on. You can do it, but it’s gonna leave a mark. In other words, be smart or get stuck.

Nothing sells itself forever. Never stop selling your company… and yourself. Now saddle up and ride. You’ve got work to do!