If Halle Berry said “Hi ” Pop quiz Hero…. What are you going to do ?

Reading about the stalker of Eva Mendez and a FB friend telling me that he and a certain female movie star are meant to be I was reminded of the song ‘What a Fool Believes”

A neighbor of mine is on his computer almost 24/7. When he’s not chatting with some girl online, he’s emailing one. When he’s not directly communicating with a woman online, he’s checking their online profiles, or signing up for a new dating site. And when he’s not actually on the internet, he’s talking about being on the internet! He’s like these guys

I have to admit that he’s good at what he does. When instant messaging women online he’s smooth, witty, and clever. The man types over 100 words per minute and he makes use of that skill. He dazzles them with his clever use of the English language. I’ve seen him get a new girl to show him more than she probably should on cam after only 20 minutes of chatting. This guy truly is amazing.

Until he meets them in real life that is. Then this funny, confident guy is about as interesting as a door knob. I know because I’ve seen it happen. It’s almost like he’s thinking, “Oh no! I’ve lost all my emoticons (smiley faces). I’ve forgotten how to form real facial expressions!” He morphs into this shy, awkward, somewhat strange guy that appears to struggle to implement basic social skills. It truly is sad.

But how did he get this way? By hiding in his room all day and not going out to meet real women. Meeting women on the internet is nice. Chatting with them on a service like Yahoo Chat can be a good ice breaker. Spending 99% of your time online without taking it to the next level WILL stunt your growth.

Chatting online with women while in your pajamas from the safety of your bedroom is a world apart from hooking up with someone at Starbucks. You need to develop real confidence in real life. And the only way you’re going to do that is in real life!

It really seems like the accessibility of games like World Of Warcraft has encouraged men to spend far too much of their time online. Instead of going outside and developing real friendships and participating in team sports, they’re spending 8 hours a day swinging a virtual sword with their online friends. And these aren’t true friends in my opinion any more than the majority of Facebook friends are. They’re not going to come give your car a jump-start when you’re stuck on the side of the road in the rain in the middle of the night. They’re not going to take you out for drinks when your girl dumps you. What exactly are they doing for you?

The wide availability of online games and dating sites has allowed young men to craft a life for themselves that exists almost exclusively online. When I was younger, if you wanted a date you had to go up to a woman and ask for one. Now you simply instant message them. I guess the rejection isn’t as painful if you’re not facing them in life. But it will hurt your development as a man.

The best advice I can offer is to drop your online games. ALL of them! Greatly limit your online chatting. And most importantly, get off the freaking computer and go meet girls in life! There will be plenty of time for games when you’re old and fat. So what do you do

I read lots of posts on other websites asking ridiculous questions such as “How do I know if she likes me?” or “Should I ask her out?” Here’s the answer, JUST ASK HER! Thinking about and analyzing specific women is a waste of time. If you’re interested in a woman just walk over and ask her out on a date. It’s that simple. Take action now!

Walk up to her and say “Hey, let’s go have some fun sometime, what’s your phone number?” If she hesitates, move on to the next woman. It’s that simple. Don’t think about it, don’t worry about it, don’t analyze it, just do it.

Constantly mulling garbage around in your head like “Well she did this and said that so it must mean she likes me… but then yesterday she looked at me funny and then said this so I dunno…” Just stop this nonsense. Everyone does it from time to time. Just stop. Stop and act NOW. When you find yourself rationalizing approaching a woman or worrying about whether she likes you, just stop it. Approach her and find out!

You spot a woman who you’re interested in. If you’ve met her before then great, it’ll be easier for you to approach. If it’s a complete stranger, even better because then you don’t have to worry about ever seeing her again.

I know what you’re thinking. “I’m scared!”

Yeah, I know that. Even now after years of experience I occasionally feel a twinge of nervousness before an approach. I actually enjoy it now. It’s a rush and it makes you feel alive. Even if I get shot down in the most miserable possible way I still enjoy the approach. It’s exciting and afterwards no matter how it turned out I feel good about myself. Most men are unable to approach complete strangers and ask them out on a date. I did, and so can you. You see I used to be like this

People often make the approach seem to be much more difficult than it need be. I’ve read on other websites about how you need to say the right pickup line, have the right attitude, look a certain way, etc… You don’t need a pickup line, in fact don’t use them at all! All you need to do is approach a woman and give her the impression that you’re a man. The mere fact that you’ve got the guts to approach will immediately start you off on the right foot with her.

Here’s all you have to do. Walk up to her and say “Hi, my names ‘whatever.'” Then engage her in suitable conversation for the environment you’re in. If in a grocery store ask her about what she’s purchasing. In a coffee shop ask her what drink she’s holding. Anything will do. It’s not so much what comes out of your mouth but the way you say it. Just open your mouth and talk.

Ideally you should seem confident, slightly cocky, and funny. But at first all that matters is that you approach. How you present yourself will improve your odds over time. At first just force yourself to approach no matter how badly you mess it up.

Lets say you walk up to this woman who you thought was by herself. Right after you introduce yourself five of her hot friends rush up and join her surprising you. You totally lose your cool and act like a complete imbecile. You start sweating, your voice gets shaky, and you crash and burn miserably while they walk away from you laughing. This is how the next few days feel

That’s happened to me before and you know what? Afterwards I’m always glad that I made the approach. Sure it’s embarrassing when but you learn something from every approach. Every single rejection you experience makes the next one sting a little less. Eventually you’ll completely stop caring. That’s when your confidence really improves because you can stop worrying about how embarrassed and awkward you feel and concentrate on what’s important, what you say and how you present yourself.

There’s another important reason to approach hot women even though you may crash and burn. If I experienced 100 approaches similar to the one described above, I would have some limited success even with my lousy performance. Perhaps 7 out of those 100 times they wouldn’t walk away laughing and I’d have a phone number. No matter how badly you come off, sometimes just that you are willing to act like a man and approach will impress the woman enough to get a date. Occasionally they’ll think your awkwardness is cute. This has happened to everyone

Think of each rejection you experience as a gaining points. For every so many rejection points you’ll earn a success. Because that’s really how it works. You have to get through a certain amount of rejections before you’re rewarded. Your success ratio will vary but with practice you can decrease the amount of rejections you receive substantially.

You’ve got her phone number. Congratulations!

It feels good doesn’t it? Now don’t blow it by calling her the very next day!
Or worse, by calling her the very same day. This is where lots of guys blow it. They get so excited that they call her immediately and then spend three hours on the phone with her spilling their entire life’s story. By the time they meet she already knows everything about him. Not only that, he shows up with flowers, chocolates, etc.. and she knows she’s already got him wrapped around her finger. He’s no longer the mysterious gentleman that approached her out of the blue the other day. She knows everything about him including the fact that she’s got his heart in her hands. What incentive does she have to continue to see him? The battles been lost before it has begun. This is the pathway to friendship hell.

The correct action to take after you’ve gotten her phone number is to lock it away for awhile

“A few days ! I can’t speak to for days?!! I’ll die!” you whine.

Yes !!! days.

“But why?”

Because you’re a man. You’re busy. You have places to go, people to meet, and most importantly a life . You never clear your schedule for someone he just met. Even if this isn’t true in your case, make it true. Live like it’s true and one day it will be. Most importantly, this is the perception you want to give the woman you’re interested in. Remember, you are what people perceive you to be. But you don’t want to be this

So wait and then ask her out. Keep the conversation short, preferably around five minutes, fifteen max. You want to stay the mysterious guy that asked her out. And for God’s sake, have a plan! Never, and I mean never call her and ASK her what she wants to do! Make the plans. You call her and tell her what they are. Don’t come off as wishy-washy chump. Plan an action date, miniature golfing, hiking, rollerblading, pool, etc.. Ask her out and then get off the phone!

So how do you act on the date? Hopefully confident and funny. Make her laugh and have a good time. Your confidence will grow with experience. Don’t worry if it feels like you’re blowing the date. You’re got to learn somehow.

You want to go on an action date so that you’ll spend less time talking and more time doing things. Treat her like a friend at first. What do guys do? We do things together! Treat her like a friend, have fun, tease her, make her laugh. Show her that you’re exciting to be around. And most importantly, listen!

Talk as little as possible about yourself. Redirect the conversation back to her when necessary. When the subject turns to you just keep your mouth shut! People love a mystery. “Who is this mysterious stranger that approached me out of the blue like Prince Charming?” she’ll think to herself. People love that stuff. So give it to her. When she asks something specific about your life, give her as unrevealing an answer as possible and redirect back to her. Most people love to talk about themselves, let her talk.

When I say let her talk, I don’t mean to agree with everything she says. Don’t be like those Facebook Shadows who agree with what everybody says. Don’t be afraid to disagree with her on subjects. Stand up to her and tease her about her point of view if you don’t agree with it. Don’t be mean-spirited but show her that you’re not afraid to stand up for your opinions. If you blindly agree with everything she says then she’ll think you’re a pushover and you’ve lost.

It’s a date first so have fun. But if she spouts “crazy’ call her on it. Tease her about it. Keep the date light and fun. Don’t talk about anything heavy or depressing. If the subject turns towards politics, religion, or anything serious, change the subject ASAP! It’s a date, have fun.

End the date while you’re both having a good time. Don’t wait for it to drag on until she tells you that it’s time for her to go home. End it while the night is young and she’s enjoying your attention. Always leave her wanting more of you.

There comes a point when you need to take action. You can read this backwards and forwards fifty times. You can scour the net for every article you can possibly find on “How To Score With Hot Chicks,” but it’s all worthless until you get out there and put your thoughts into action.

Your job now is to stop reading and get out there and approach women. Yes it will feel awkward at first. Yes it can be embarrassing. Yes you’ll fall on your face and look foolish at times. Yes you’ll experience rejection. And yes it will hurt.

But that’s ok! Have the courage to go out there and experience life. I believe that many if not the majority of men are frustrated and unhappy with their lives. They go through life taking the easiest path. The safest path they can find through which they’ll experience the smallest amount of discomfort possible. Eventually they awkwardly stumble into a relationship and eventually settle down because “She’s better than nothing and I don’t want to be alone.” Then they live in an unsatisfying relationship and lead an unsatisfying life. How pitiful!

That may be the safest and easiest path but it’s not a very interesting one. You only live once. I’d rather fail miserably and painfully many times and meet one great success in life than to never fail but never succeed at anything truly worthwhile in life. Life isn’t worth living unless you take risks.

Get out there and start approaching women. Starting right now, challenge your self to set aside a portion of your time once a week to go out there and start approaching women. It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter how. Just get out there and start approaching. Don’t worry if you say the wrong thing, don’t apply the principles that you’ve learned correctly, or make a fool of yourself.

Even doing the wrong things during an approach or date helps you learn. With every failure you experience you’ll get closer to a success. As I’ve said before, look at failures as earning points towards a future success. Just get out there and try.

You need to start earning those points because as you experience failure and go through those awkward moments, they’ll begin to sting less and less. You’ll feel less embarrassed and less awkward. Eventually you’ll stop caring about whether a woman turns you down or not. This is the golden moment when you can start working on your game and really start achieving success with women. When you stop caring, the fear is then gone and you can begin to develop.

Once a week go out there and meet ten women. Yeah, I know that’s a lot. I didn’t say you had to have ten conversations, I said you just had to go out and MEET ten women. You can meet 10 women in about 10 minutes at a busy mall. If you’re painfully shy then start by saying “Hi” to ten women as you pass them in the mall or at school. Just look at them, smile, and say “Hi.” From there move on to real approaches, “Hi my names ‘whatever’ what’s yours.” It doesn’t matter what you say just say something!

Keep a journal and record your progress. The key is to pile up enough failures so that eventually you’ll stop caring about rejection and will get over your nervous ticks. The ultimate goal is to be able to approach women without caring whether you succeed or not. At this point you’ll have developed real confidence and she’ll see that. This is when your success ratio skyrocket.

Up until that time view your failures as points. You need to earn so many failure points to get to the next success level.

The bottom line is that there is not shortcut to being successful with women. You just have to get out there and approach them. What you can improve is your success ratio. And it will improve with practice and time. Rejections will also begin to sting less and less. Eventually you won’t care if a woman turns you down. This is what you’re aiming for, that golden moment when you stop caring. That’s when the success really starts. Thats when you find “the one”

So get out there and start earning those points!

But if Halle Berry came out of the ocean and walked through that door I am sure you’ll understand if I melt

Advertisements

An Erotic passion of Desire… Erotic Love Letters

The purpose of the erotic love letter is to entice and seduce with your words, so get creative. Experts say the brain is the largest sex organ; the erotic love letter blazes a trail through that territory and sets the stage for later. Think of your letter as an intricate, written web you’re weaving around your lover. To be successful, be sure to speak from your heart or whatever other parts of your anatomy are inspired at the time.

Think sensual, as in activating all the senses. Use your words to transport your lover to the moments leading up to and during those rollicking moments. What does that all sound, feel, and look like? Get really descriptive and imaginative, letting your words paint pictures and act as mental foreplay.

Describe where you are and exactly what you plan on doing in intimate detail. This is a great place to introduce some details: What does the room look like? What colors do you see? What textures can you feel?

It’s a nice touch to end your letter with a suggestion of what’s to follow after your letter has been read, but that’s only one of many ways. Be sure to end your letter with the same drama in which you started, and sign off using your first initial instead of your signature. If you’re feeling especially ambitious, spray your letter with an essential oil or a dash of your favorite cologne and pop it into the mail box.

Trust me when I say that no text message is going to have the same effect. In fact, I think what you get in return might just turn you. !

A Erotic Love Passion of Desire

Last night I woke in beads of sweat after dreaming of us. In it we found ourselves in total abandon, writhing in passion. We were enjoying the hot summer day on the beach when suddenly a beautiful tropical rain started to pour. Your sundress got soaked while we struggled to stay sheltered under a palm tree. I then felt your lips teasing my earlobes as I gently tugged on the buttons of your dress. My heart started to pound. I swear it was louder than the thunder overhead.

I trailed kisses down the side of your neck and would stop slowly as I nibbled your skin, while my hands cupped your breasts. My thumb teased your nipple and You gasped as I felt this torment between your thighs. All you could do was surrender to this wanton longing to be one. You pressed my body closer to yours. I was thrilled that you felt exactly as I did.

There may have been a storm drowning your moans of pleasure, but the storm raging inside me was stronger! As I awoke, I knew I had to tell you how much I want you. I can’t wait until tomorrow, when I know my dream will pale in comparison to the fire that will consume us both.

This letter may come as a surprise to you, but I needed to tell you that, when we make love I feel our bodies performing like a true orchestra. Every sound and every movement are in tune and there is harmony in every gesture; everything is in place and I feel in harmony with the entire universe.

Our bodies are instruments of mutual pleasure. The seldom times I open my eyes, I have a glimpse of our shadows on the wall and it looks like a dance. Our movements are precise and our souls are so light, as we give ourselves to one another.

The sensation of fulfillment I experience when I am inside of you is unforgettable. The desire of having you more and more is beyond any explanation. I wish those movements never ended and that I remained forever in your body. But because those moments always come to a finish, there is no other option but to repeat them.

I want us to dance to this music. I want to feel that unshakable harmony that happens every time our skins touch. I want you forever and always. I need you, urgently!

Yours body and soul,

Are you a Alpha Male? You better be if you ever want to date Rachel Mc Adams

I was at the movies to see the Green Lantern and it was so bad that I broke down and actually opened another door and walked into the Rachel McAdams fan club. I stopped in to see the new Woody Allen Movie, Midnight in Paris. What happened was that there were 3 guys at the movies, deep into a discussion about what it would take to date Rachel McAdams. Now considering that I wasn’t really interested in the movie I thought I would play along. Here is part of the conversation that I can recall

Matt…John ,Silent Bob…me

Matt: Shes Hot and Tiny
John: I do dat…crazy laughter
Me: DO DAT ???? What
John: I would tell her the truth
Matt: F…K that That’s Selfish
John: How is the truth selfish
Silent Bob: Because if you tell forearm Girl the truth You aint a man
John; Who the hell is forearm girl
Matt: The Mean Chick
John: Can we please call my next wife by her name
Silent Bob: never call them by their names…I told you it only humanizes them
Me: Did you guys take any Drugs this morning?
Matt: Can I watch the movie
John: So if I tell her I want her …its selfish?
Silent Bob: Yea man you are just dumping some Guilt on her…inflicting her with some pain
John: So if I want her, doesn’t she have the right to know the engine is hot and working fine
Matt; My engine works fine
John: Your ship had left the building along time ago…. Matt
me: How the hell does a ship leave a building ?????
Matt: This is wrong….if shes like this in real life ….
Silent Bob; Dude its a movie
Matt: The mistake has been made and your punishment is to live with this secret , bury it for the rest of your life.
Silent Bob: This is wrong ….I am looking at a picture of her on a subway sitting next to some homeless guy….well maybe shes buying him a sandwich
Matt: Your driving the bus to the wrong world .. Bobs right …you can’t say the The t-BOMB
Me: The T-Bomb
John; tHE TRUTH BOMB The t-bomb kills every…thing….you..her ..the relationship…its nuclear
Silent Bob: So she needs a radioactive suit
Me; I am lost
John: What do you think.
Me: I think you guys need a whole team of good doctors….plus I think you guys need to be a little more Alpha
John: I don’t know what that means but I think I will friend her on Facebook

So John Matt and Silent Bob… this is what I meant

No.10 You let her pay for dinner

An Alpha Male provides for his pack. If she tries to contribute to this, he calmly takes the check and says, “I’ll handle this.” End of discussion.

No.9 You never apologize, even when you’re wrong

An Alpha Male has no hang-ups. He simply says, “I was wrong. I apologize.” And he rectified the problem if possible.

No.8 You suck up to leaders and seek their approval

An Alpha Male doesn’t suck up to anyone. He is the leader.

No.7 You gossip

About your boss. About your buddies. About your girlfriend. You don’t mind pointing out other people’s failings and weaknesses and having a good laugh. An Alpha Male never betrays his pack. He doesn’t need to build himself up by tearing others down.

No.6 You panic in a crisis

An Alpha Male’s natural element is change. Rapid change is simply an interesting challenge to him. He goes into a special kind of ice-cold, almost detached state, quickly sums up the situation, does due diligence if time allows for it, and acts immediately and decisively based on prior experience if there is no time to spare.

No.5 You act before you think

An Alpha Male may act with lightning speed, but he always thinks before he acts. He never runs to the corner and goes off in all directions like a type-A guy does.

No.4 You blame others

An Alpha Male takes responsibility for his own actions.

No.3 You lie

To your boss. To your buddies. To your girlfriend. An Alpha Male isn’t a liar. He’s a stand-up guy; he shoots straight. He doesn’t have to slither out of a mess he got himself into. He does what’s right, and lets the chips fall where they may.

No.2 You betray others to get ahead

An Alpha Male never betrays a member of his pack.

No.1 You bully people

An Alpha Male takes on a real fight when it is necessary, and only if it is necessary (Alphas are not “scrappers”), but he won’t think twice taking on someone far bigger/stronger/better-situated than he is if the matter being decided is serious. And due to his fierce drive, chances are good he will win.

Standard psychological definitions fail to do justice to the alpha male. He dominates history; his brilliance and charisma lay the foundations for every city and every civilization. He is self-made, self-serving, self-glorifying, and — often — self-destructive. You’re either with him or against him, he doesn’t compromise on the issues at hand, and if you turn out to be on the opposing team, he will break you before even considering your surrender.

A short list of those traits associated with him make for a vicious, combustible brew: High intelligence, unwavering confidence, arrogance, amazing leadership capacities, a results-driven mindset, a instinct for self-promotion, extreme charisma, and above all, fearlessness in a fight. His odds, his opposition? Unimportant.

Legendary alpha males offer plenty of lessons for the rest of us, ones we can reasonably apply to our professional lives without needing to conquer countries in the process. Here are but a few of the lessons we can learn from some recent yet legendary alpha males.

Gordon Ramsay
Native Scot Gordon Ramsay is one of the world’s most celebrated chefs. His restaurants have been awarded three stars by the culinary industry’s most influential ratings guide, Michelin, 10 times. Yet his success has nothing to do with wanting to be liked; he has no interest in winning a popularity contest. Watch him on Hell’s Kitchen and you’ll see why: He’s a monster of a taskmaster, indifferent to feelings and focused strictly on results. His attitude is that you do not have to like him, but as a chef, you must respect him. To that end, Ramsay’s restaurant staff is remarkably loyal. The chef himself claims to have an 85% retention rate since 1993. These are people that can go if they like. Why don’t they?

Lesson: In team-building, do not tolerate mediocrity
Simply put: Ramsay’s employees don’t leave because they know they’re working for the best. They know that whatever his defects, in the end, the man wants to be the best at what he does. Others who want the same thing realize that the abuse he shells out is insignificant compared to the greater achievements. Ramsay’s refusal to accept mediocrity on his team is an apt lesson to apply to your professional life. Doing so weeds out the weakest links, and it strengthens the team by erasing any doubts in anyone’s mind about any other member. In the end, it creates a tremendous amount of confidence.

Muhammad Ali
Muhammad Ali was a master of self-promotion and surely ranks as not only one of the greatest boxers of all time, but also the smartest trash-talker in sports history. Ali was supremely confident in himself, loaded with charisma and never feared a fight. He openly declared himself the greatest and often predicted the round in which he would knock out his opponent.

In the early days of Ali’s career, opponents read his brag-and-boast routine as nervous bravado, but few knew how prepared he was, how hard he trained and just how much he wanted to win. By the time Ali got to the ring, he had every reason to believe he was invincible because he had pushed himself beyond his limits, beyond what he believed any other man could endure.

Lesson: Always come prepared
Whatever impression they might give off, alpha males never enter an important situation unprepared or deluded with the belief they’re already good enough to handle it. To them, this is a careless attitude for someone intent on winning at everything they do.

We’ve all seen one rather minor example of the unprepared man; he gave the toast at the last wedding you attended. He thought he could glide through the toast because he knew his buddy so well and because he’s a competent public speaker. But not two sentences in, he’s fumbled and maybe said something dumb or inappropriate. By preparing for all their challenges with intensity, alpha males leave nothing to chance.

Wilt Chamberlain
There’s no question that Wilt the Stilt’s accomplishments are directly related to his incredible size. Yet for much of his life he was regarded as a freak of nature. As a high school freshman, he was already 6’11” and entered the NBA at 7’1″ and 250 pounds, an absolute behemoth. Unpopular wherever he went, teams began to triple-team him and commit so many egregious fouls against him that he worried he would endure one too many and kick someone’s ass.

For many years, Wilt Chamberlain carried his team on his back, setting scoring records that have yet to be topped. He failed, however, to win a championship until he changed the focus of his game and began to use his skills not to pad his own stats but to get the most out of his teammates. The result was swift: His first NBA championship.

Lesson: Embrace your superior skills and use them to elevate those around you
No man is an island, and even the most confident alpha males learn this eventually. Napoleon’s appointed marshals were brilliant military men. More often than not, George Steinbrenner has been wise enough to rely on his executives. The point is that your skills and talents have a greater chance of serving your goals if they aren’t focused directly on your achievements. Redirecting those talents to elevate those around you will almost always better serve your aims.

Hugh Hefner
Hugh Hefner has always been a staunch libertarian and has consistently opposed laws or restrictions on sexuality. These views may or may not have been ahead of their time, but his confidence and arrogance in expressing them in public certainly was. A high school essay of his attacked America’s puritanism, and a grad school term paper praised the recently released Kinsey Report “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male.”

Lesson: Personal convictions don’t mean personal restrictions
Living life according to your own beliefs and convictions is one thing, but putting that to your advantage and using it as a guide to your success, quite another. Personal beliefs are sometimes regarded as restrictive. Hefner’s decision to launch a magazine promoting his beliefs exhibited a capacity for putting them to work and obtaining results, as opposed to passively sitting behind them.
Douglas MacArthur
MacArthur had a long association with the Philippines, including three separate tours of duty prior to World War II. In 1941, he was made Allied commander in the Philippines and when the Japanese invaded the islands, he managed to hold them off for only so long, retreating onto the Bataan Peninsula before Roosevelt insisted he flee to Australia. The army surrendered to the Japanese shortly thereafter, suffering horribly as POWs. From Australia, MacArthur vowed, “I came out of Bataan and I shall return.”

He never lost sight of this promise, triumphantly fulfilling it three years later. Not only did he reclaim the entire Commonwealth, he would enjoy the ultimate revenge in 1945, when he personally accepted Japanese surrender aboard the USS Missouri.

Lesson: When you give your word, always deliver on it
There are few more unappealing traits than being all talk and no action. People come to regard people with this habit as unreliable and impotent, and begin to look past them when they need a go-to guy. While you should never promise to deliver the impossible, you should also never fail to deliver on your promises.

John Wayne
The Duke was such an American icon that when Japanese Emperor Hirohito visited the U.S. in the 1970s, he asked to meet him. Despite never technically serving in the military, countless men enlisted for service having been inspired by his rugged tough-guy image. It was a persona Wayne was interested in maintaining as he got older, insisting that his characters never do anything ignoble, such as shoot a man in the back.

The result was a man with a powerful presence, and part of this presence arose from something simple, something many of us take for granted: posture. He never slouched or hung his chin, his back was straight, his shoulders cocked and wide. It wasn’t something he overdid, just something he did. The wider result was an imposing presence that commanded respect.

Lesson: Don’t underestimate the power of presence
Not everyone can be an iconic 6’4” movie star known for his ass-kicking prowess, but you can learn from the manner in which Wayne carried himself. Through body language and demeanor alone, Wayne was always the baddest man in the room. People read body language both consciously and subconsciously, and few unspoken things can make people lose confidence in you quicker than seeing you slouch at a meeting or give a presentation with hunched shoulders. Such displays of indifference breeds more indifference, while the perception of strength breeds respect and power.

the alpha male academy
As I mentioned in the entry for Gordon Ramsay, alpha males aren’t concerned with being liked. This is true in part because they already get enough love from themselves. But they aren’t the only ones who love them; I came across numerous blogs that featured women tangled in a heated discussion concerning the alpha male. Allow me to paraphrase the overarching female opinion on such men:

“Alpha Males are jerks. I can’t stand how attracted I am to them.”

We should admire those who are famous because they are great, not those who seem great because they are famous.

The American historian and educator Daniel Boorstin once wrote, “Time makes heroes but dissolves celebrities.”

We have just experienced an historic presidential campaign of unprecedented proportions, our economy is in peril, our military struggles to fight two wars, and our health care system is facing impending collapse. With all of these pressing issues weighing on the hearts and minds of America’s families, what seems to be on the covers of every magazine and tabloid these days? Celebrity nonsense. Does anyone really care which teen-aged pop star will give birth next? Do we need to know every happening inside the birthday party of a power-couple’s toddler? Is the diet that worked for the soap opera star really going to work for anyone else?

As long as there have been people who pulled away from the proverbial pack, there have been people to follow them and idolize them. However, scientists have only recently defined the psychological phenomenon of “celebrity worship” as a type of parasocial relationship that can have unhealthy and addictive elements.

Much research has been conducted about who engages in celebrity worship and what drives the compulsion. Celebrity worship for purely entertainment purposes likely reflects a healthy past time for most people. This type of celebrity worship involves harmless behaviors such as reading and learning about a celebrity. Intense personal attitudes towards celebrities, however, reflect traits of neuroticism. The most extreme descriptions of celebrity worship exhibit borderline pathological behavior and traits of psychoticism. This type of celebrity worship may involve empathy with a celebrity’s failures and successes, obsessions with the details of a celebrity’s life, and over-identification with the celebrity.

One study of 372 participants examined celebrity worship, personality, coping style, general health, stress, positive and negative affect, and life satisfaction. The researchers concluded that celebrity worship is associated with poorer mental health, illustrated by characteristics of neuroticism and disengagement. Some studies have pointed out that people with poor mental health are more prone to extreme celebrity worship, while others conclude that depression, anxiety, and decreased self-esteem develop from unhealthy celebrity worship. Several studies have also demonstrated a connection between celebrity worship and drug and alcohol use, smoking, and eating disorders. Yet another study concluded that celebrity worship involves a psychological model based on absorption, which leads to delusions of actual relationships with celebrities, and addiction, which leads to a progressively stronger need to feel connected with the celebrity. Witness Facebook.

It is harmless to “Friend” a celebrity. Celebrity worship is not all bad. Idolizing or admiring someone for their accomplishments, and then pushing yourself to excel in the same way are positive elements. But in no way though do I consider the “celebrity” who I have never met my friend. But, are we worshipping celebrities for the sake of being famous, or are we worshipping true heroes?

True heroes are people like our military men and women, our police officers and firefighters, our teachers and paramedics, and our mothers and fathers. These are the men and women who will stand the test of time and truly leave their mark on the world, unlike some of the the athletes, movie stars, and singers who are manufactured and will fade into obscurity. I speak of you Paris and Lindsey.

If we confuse heroes and celebrities, we deprive ourselves of real role models. We should admire those who are famous because they are great, not those who seem great because they are famous.

A love letter (2) that was actually sent by me

There was a woman I knew who had so many men chasing her that I figured I would be creative to get a date. It worked because it made her laugh.

My Dearest,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,

A love Letter for anybody

It is not very long since I have known you, but you have changed me and my life after peeping into it. I have given you the best position in my heart and my life. Though it has not been long but still we have been so close to each other in just a short span of time. I hope to have a very loving and long life with you.

I hope you feel the same for me. I here by commit all my love and life to you. I love and adore you. I long to hold you in my arms, kiss your hand and hug you. You are every thing for me.

I promise to bring you stars you dreamt of and would strive to bring you all happiness of life. Your sweet talks and your lovely smile has added the spice in my life which has been tasteless all the while.

I feel so warm and affectionate in your arms and feel as if my life begins and ends with you. When you are not around, I just feel I should keep reading your lovely emails again and again and I never feel moving away from the chat. Have you ever marked how long our chats continue. None of us has actually done that and it does continue for hours between us.

I feel more happy the closer I am to you. For me love is life and love is you. I love to talk to you on phone and my talks never end. There is always a new topic to share with you. I can indeed share every minute and every silly incidence of my life with you. I have wowed you from the very day I met you. Your entry in my life was out of the blue, but yes, it has brought several new things. Now I can see the rainbow in my life and feel the beauty of everything around me. Life had indeed become barren prior to meeting you and as if you brought oasis to my life.

I used to feel strange how people can sing love songs, and write love stories, but after meeting you I feel even I can do that. You have favored me with that lovely environment that I hear music in the background. Today I can understand the deep meanings of the love notes printed and published in the magazines and on the net. The deeper you dive in the better you understand the beauty of love.

Thanks for love and life.

The importance of keeping and honoring your Word

I have a close friend who’s a very good person. His intentions are honorable. He means well. His heart means well. But, he rarely follows through on what he says. It used to make me crazy. Now I just don’t take anything he says seriously, which he doesn’t like. I know he means what he says when he says it but his busy life gets in his way and he forgets. I’ve gotten many complaints from people whose friend is the same way. It’s very annoying when you wait for something based on someone’s word and it doesn’t happen.

Even if it’s a good person like my friend, someone who regularly doesn’t keep their word shouldn’t be tolerated if it bothers you a lot.

My friend has lots of friends since he is a great guy in most others respects. According to him, most don’t care about his “bad habit” of speaking with no follow through. Oh well, I do! Does this mean I should blow him off or get angry at him? No! I do however, readjust my ears when he makes promises. I don’t expect anything and if he occasionally follows through, great. If he doesn’t, I didn’t expect it.

Since you can’t change anyone but yourself, it’s up to you to change your response to people who don’t keep their word.

So I stopped taking anything my friend said seriously. Then one night he was ready on the follow through but I wasn’t. “But I told you we’d do this tonight” he said. I reminded him that most of the time what he said didn’t happen, so I didn’t take anything he said seriously and I couldn’t go with him. The next day he sent me a scathing email defending his integrity, which I didn’t question. I do trust him as a person, but not to follow through on what he says.

He asked how dare I say that. His other friends all value his friendship. Why don’t I?

“Because I can’t count on you” I said when I called him. I prefer to speak than write on touchy subjects. I did want him as a friend, but I also needed to set boundaries. I very nicely explained all the specific times he made verbal plans and didn’t even cancel when he couldn’t’ make it. And the promises that we’d do this and that but we never did this and that. We never discussed it again but guess what? He began to follow through. Each time he said we’d do something, I’d say, “Oh sure,” with obvious skepticism. He was determined to prove me wrong, which I was thrilled about, since I do value him.

You shouldn’t put up with a consistent lack of follow through unless it doesn’t bother you. But that doesn’t mean cutting all ties.

Set boundaries and stick to them. If a friend promises to help you with something but doesn’t show up, remember that the next time he or she wants something from you. Nicely call them on it. Don’t yell or berate. Just explain why it’s unacceptable and that it makes it harder to trust them when they don’t keep their word. BUT, most importantly, do your best to keep YOUR word. No matter how many times people don’t keep their word with you, keep your word anyway or don’t give your word in the first place.

DoorMats get angry and keep doing and giving. Nice people on Top set limits on what they do for those who talk with no actions. When I was a DoorMat I’d often stew over a broken promise but continue to help the person who bailed on me. I no longer worry about the shortcomings of others. I treat everyone with respect but only commit to those who’ve earned my friendship.

Even in Facebook. I have had numerous people promise me things and never follow through. From people deactivating their accounts and sending me their personal email to keep in contact… to being invited to a event and that person never showing up. ( But hoping from Montreal to Toronto and seeing the Yankees was pretty cool even if it ended up being by myself)

Love yourself enough to limit your patience with those who have an aggravating habit of talking then letting you down. You deserve MUCH better! Keep a smile on your face and irritation out of your voice if you discuss it. You can nicely deal with those who don’t keep their word by understanding how unimportant they are in the big picture of the wonderful life you’re building.

Several months ago, a former executive at my company made a commitment to a third-party via email. It is obvious that he didn’t research the cost of his promise, nor did he get anyone else’s approval. I was not aware of the obligation until the other party brought it to our attention. When I learned that the commitment was north of six figures, I gasped.

Several rationalizations immediately popped into my head:

The executive is no longer at the company.
He obviously didn’t count the cost.
He wasn’t authorized to make this commitment.
This project is already under water.
This amount is not in our budget.
I wasn’t even aware of the commitment.
Our CFO wasn’t aware of the commitment.

However, after a few moments, I remembered that our first core value “Honoring God.” We amplify this by saying that “We honor God in everything we do.” We then go on to describe the behaviors that express this value. The fourth item on the list is this:

We honor our commitments, even when it is difficult, expensive, or inconvenient.”

That brought everything into clear focus. This was initially motivated by Psalm 15:1,4:

LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? … He who swears to his own hurt and does not change.

Simply put, this means that our word is sacred. I don’t think it is claiming too much to say that this premise is the foundation of Western society. Without it, our society begins to fall apart.

When I was growing up a promise and a hand-shake were all you needed. Contracts were largely foreign and unnecessary. In fact, to insist on one would have been an insult. Why? Because a man’s word was his bond. No one was willing to risk their social capital or relational equity by breaking their word.

My, how times have changed.

Twice in the last month I have had people blatantly dishonor their own word. Both were under contract. Their obligations were explicit. There was no ambiguity.

This is tragic—especially for them.

Keeping your word is the essence of integrity. As Stephen Covey points out, “honesty is making your words conform to reality. Integrity is making reality conform to your words.” It is essential to leadership. Without it, you cannot be an effective leader.

Why?

Integrity is required for trust. If people can’t trust your word, they won’t trust you.
Trust is necessary for influence. People choose those they let influence them, and this is based largely on trust.
Influence is essential for impact. You can’t make the impact you want to make unless you can influence others and shift their behavior.

Yes, keeping your word is sometimes difficult, expensive, and inconvenient. But the cost of not doing so is even more expensive. It will ultimately cost you your leadership, reputation and friends