Reading about the stalker of Eva Mendez and a FB friend telling me that he and a certain female movie star are meant to be I was reminded of the song ‘What a Fool Believes”
A neighbor of mine is on his computer almost 24/7. When he’s not chatting with some girl online, he’s emailing one. When he’s not directly communicating with a woman online, he’s checking their online profiles, or signing up for a new dating site. And when he’s not actually on the internet, he’s talking about being on the internet! He’s like these guys
I have to admit that he’s good at what he does. When instant messaging women online he’s smooth, witty, and clever. The man types over 100 words per minute and he makes use of that skill. He dazzles them with his clever use of the English language. I’ve seen him get a new girl to show him more than she probably should on cam after only 20 minutes of chatting. This guy truly is amazing.
Until he meets them in real life that is. Then this funny, confident guy is about as interesting as a door knob. I know because I’ve seen it happen. It’s almost like he’s thinking, “Oh no! I’ve lost all my emoticons (smiley faces). I’ve forgotten how to form real facial expressions!” He morphs into this shy, awkward, somewhat strange guy that appears to struggle to implement basic social skills. It truly is sad.
But how did he get this way? By hiding in his room all day and not going out to meet real women. Meeting women on the internet is nice. Chatting with them on a service like Yahoo Chat can be a good ice breaker. Spending 99% of your time online without taking it to the next level WILL stunt your growth.
Chatting online with women while in your pajamas from the safety of your bedroom is a world apart from hooking up with someone at Starbucks. You need to develop real confidence in real life. And the only way you’re going to do that is in real life!
It really seems like the accessibility of games like World Of Warcraft has encouraged men to spend far too much of their time online. Instead of going outside and developing real friendships and participating in team sports, they’re spending 8 hours a day swinging a virtual sword with their online friends. And these aren’t true friends in my opinion any more than the majority of Facebook friends are. They’re not going to come give your car a jump-start when you’re stuck on the side of the road in the rain in the middle of the night. They’re not going to take you out for drinks when your girl dumps you. What exactly are they doing for you?
The wide availability of online games and dating sites has allowed young men to craft a life for themselves that exists almost exclusively online. When I was younger, if you wanted a date you had to go up to a woman and ask for one. Now you simply instant message them. I guess the rejection isn’t as painful if you’re not facing them in life. But it will hurt your development as a man.
The best advice I can offer is to drop your online games. ALL of them! Greatly limit your online chatting. And most importantly, get off the freaking computer and go meet girls in life! There will be plenty of time for games when you’re old and fat. So what do you do
I read lots of posts on other websites asking ridiculous questions such as “How do I know if she likes me?” or “Should I ask her out?” Here’s the answer, JUST ASK HER! Thinking about and analyzing specific women is a waste of time. If you’re interested in a woman just walk over and ask her out on a date. It’s that simple. Take action now!
Walk up to her and say “Hey, let’s go have some fun sometime, what’s your phone number?” If she hesitates, move on to the next woman. It’s that simple. Don’t think about it, don’t worry about it, don’t analyze it, just do it.
Constantly mulling garbage around in your head like “Well she did this and said that so it must mean she likes me… but then yesterday she looked at me funny and then said this so I dunno…” Just stop this nonsense. Everyone does it from time to time. Just stop. Stop and act NOW. When you find yourself rationalizing approaching a woman or worrying about whether she likes you, just stop it. Approach her and find out!
You spot a woman who you’re interested in. If you’ve met her before then great, it’ll be easier for you to approach. If it’s a complete stranger, even better because then you don’t have to worry about ever seeing her again.
I know what you’re thinking. “I’m scared!”
Yeah, I know that. Even now after years of experience I occasionally feel a twinge of nervousness before an approach. I actually enjoy it now. It’s a rush and it makes you feel alive. Even if I get shot down in the most miserable possible way I still enjoy the approach. It’s exciting and afterwards no matter how it turned out I feel good about myself. Most men are unable to approach complete strangers and ask them out on a date. I did, and so can you. You see I used to be like this
People often make the approach seem to be much more difficult than it need be. I’ve read on other websites about how you need to say the right pickup line, have the right attitude, look a certain way, etc… You don’t need a pickup line, in fact don’t use them at all! All you need to do is approach a woman and give her the impression that you’re a man. The mere fact that you’ve got the guts to approach will immediately start you off on the right foot with her.
Here’s all you have to do. Walk up to her and say “Hi, my names ‘whatever.'” Then engage her in suitable conversation for the environment you’re in. If in a grocery store ask her about what she’s purchasing. In a coffee shop ask her what drink she’s holding. Anything will do. It’s not so much what comes out of your mouth but the way you say it. Just open your mouth and talk.
Ideally you should seem confident, slightly cocky, and funny. But at first all that matters is that you approach. How you present yourself will improve your odds over time. At first just force yourself to approach no matter how badly you mess it up.
Lets say you walk up to this woman who you thought was by herself. Right after you introduce yourself five of her hot friends rush up and join her surprising you. You totally lose your cool and act like a complete imbecile. You start sweating, your voice gets shaky, and you crash and burn miserably while they walk away from you laughing. This is how the next few days feel
That’s happened to me before and you know what? Afterwards I’m always glad that I made the approach. Sure it’s embarrassing when but you learn something from every approach. Every single rejection you experience makes the next one sting a little less. Eventually you’ll completely stop caring. That’s when your confidence really improves because you can stop worrying about how embarrassed and awkward you feel and concentrate on what’s important, what you say and how you present yourself.
There’s another important reason to approach hot women even though you may crash and burn. If I experienced 100 approaches similar to the one described above, I would have some limited success even with my lousy performance. Perhaps 7 out of those 100 times they wouldn’t walk away laughing and I’d have a phone number. No matter how badly you come off, sometimes just that you are willing to act like a man and approach will impress the woman enough to get a date. Occasionally they’ll think your awkwardness is cute. This has happened to everyone
Think of each rejection you experience as a gaining points. For every so many rejection points you’ll earn a success. Because that’s really how it works. You have to get through a certain amount of rejections before you’re rewarded. Your success ratio will vary but with practice you can decrease the amount of rejections you receive substantially.
You’ve got her phone number. Congratulations!
It feels good doesn’t it? Now don’t blow it by calling her the very next day!
Or worse, by calling her the very same day. This is where lots of guys blow it. They get so excited that they call her immediately and then spend three hours on the phone with her spilling their entire life’s story. By the time they meet she already knows everything about him. Not only that, he shows up with flowers, chocolates, etc.. and she knows she’s already got him wrapped around her finger. He’s no longer the mysterious gentleman that approached her out of the blue the other day. She knows everything about him including the fact that she’s got his heart in her hands. What incentive does she have to continue to see him? The battles been lost before it has begun. This is the pathway to friendship hell.
The correct action to take after you’ve gotten her phone number is to lock it away for awhile
“A few days ! I can’t speak to for days?!! I’ll die!” you whine.
Yes !!! days.
Because you’re a man. You’re busy. You have places to go, people to meet, and most importantly a life . You never clear your schedule for someone he just met. Even if this isn’t true in your case, make it true. Live like it’s true and one day it will be. Most importantly, this is the perception you want to give the woman you’re interested in. Remember, you are what people perceive you to be. But you don’t want to be this
So wait and then ask her out. Keep the conversation short, preferably around five minutes, fifteen max. You want to stay the mysterious guy that asked her out. And for God’s sake, have a plan! Never, and I mean never call her and ASK her what she wants to do! Make the plans. You call her and tell her what they are. Don’t come off as wishy-washy chump. Plan an action date, miniature golfing, hiking, rollerblading, pool, etc.. Ask her out and then get off the phone!
So how do you act on the date? Hopefully confident and funny. Make her laugh and have a good time. Your confidence will grow with experience. Don’t worry if it feels like you’re blowing the date. You’re got to learn somehow.
You want to go on an action date so that you’ll spend less time talking and more time doing things. Treat her like a friend at first. What do guys do? We do things together! Treat her like a friend, have fun, tease her, make her laugh. Show her that you’re exciting to be around. And most importantly, listen!
Talk as little as possible about yourself. Redirect the conversation back to her when necessary. When the subject turns to you just keep your mouth shut! People love a mystery. “Who is this mysterious stranger that approached me out of the blue like Prince Charming?” she’ll think to herself. People love that stuff. So give it to her. When she asks something specific about your life, give her as unrevealing an answer as possible and redirect back to her. Most people love to talk about themselves, let her talk.
When I say let her talk, I don’t mean to agree with everything she says. Don’t be like those Facebook Shadows who agree with what everybody says. Don’t be afraid to disagree with her on subjects. Stand up to her and tease her about her point of view if you don’t agree with it. Don’t be mean-spirited but show her that you’re not afraid to stand up for your opinions. If you blindly agree with everything she says then she’ll think you’re a pushover and you’ve lost.
It’s a date first so have fun. But if she spouts “crazy’ call her on it. Tease her about it. Keep the date light and fun. Don’t talk about anything heavy or depressing. If the subject turns towards politics, religion, or anything serious, change the subject ASAP! It’s a date, have fun.
End the date while you’re both having a good time. Don’t wait for it to drag on until she tells you that it’s time for her to go home. End it while the night is young and she’s enjoying your attention. Always leave her wanting more of you.
There comes a point when you need to take action. You can read this backwards and forwards fifty times. You can scour the net for every article you can possibly find on “How To Score With Hot Chicks,” but it’s all worthless until you get out there and put your thoughts into action.
Your job now is to stop reading and get out there and approach women. Yes it will feel awkward at first. Yes it can be embarrassing. Yes you’ll fall on your face and look foolish at times. Yes you’ll experience rejection. And yes it will hurt.
But that’s ok! Have the courage to go out there and experience life. I believe that many if not the majority of men are frustrated and unhappy with their lives. They go through life taking the easiest path. The safest path they can find through which they’ll experience the smallest amount of discomfort possible. Eventually they awkwardly stumble into a relationship and eventually settle down because “She’s better than nothing and I don’t want to be alone.” Then they live in an unsatisfying relationship and lead an unsatisfying life. How pitiful!
That may be the safest and easiest path but it’s not a very interesting one. You only live once. I’d rather fail miserably and painfully many times and meet one great success in life than to never fail but never succeed at anything truly worthwhile in life. Life isn’t worth living unless you take risks.
Get out there and start approaching women. Starting right now, challenge your self to set aside a portion of your time once a week to go out there and start approaching women. It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter how. Just get out there and start approaching. Don’t worry if you say the wrong thing, don’t apply the principles that you’ve learned correctly, or make a fool of yourself.
Even doing the wrong things during an approach or date helps you learn. With every failure you experience you’ll get closer to a success. As I’ve said before, look at failures as earning points towards a future success. Just get out there and try.
You need to start earning those points because as you experience failure and go through those awkward moments, they’ll begin to sting less and less. You’ll feel less embarrassed and less awkward. Eventually you’ll stop caring about whether a woman turns you down or not. This is the golden moment when you can start working on your game and really start achieving success with women. When you stop caring, the fear is then gone and you can begin to develop.
Once a week go out there and meet ten women. Yeah, I know that’s a lot. I didn’t say you had to have ten conversations, I said you just had to go out and MEET ten women. You can meet 10 women in about 10 minutes at a busy mall. If you’re painfully shy then start by saying “Hi” to ten women as you pass them in the mall or at school. Just look at them, smile, and say “Hi.” From there move on to real approaches, “Hi my names ‘whatever’ what’s yours.” It doesn’t matter what you say just say something!
Keep a journal and record your progress. The key is to pile up enough failures so that eventually you’ll stop caring about rejection and will get over your nervous ticks. The ultimate goal is to be able to approach women without caring whether you succeed or not. At this point you’ll have developed real confidence and she’ll see that. This is when your success ratio skyrocket.
Up until that time view your failures as points. You need to earn so many failure points to get to the next success level.
The bottom line is that there is not shortcut to being successful with women. You just have to get out there and approach them. What you can improve is your success ratio. And it will improve with practice and time. Rejections will also begin to sting less and less. Eventually you won’t care if a woman turns you down. This is what you’re aiming for, that golden moment when you stop caring. That’s when the success really starts. Thats when you find “the one”
So get out there and start earning those points!
But if Halle Berry came out of the ocean and walked through that door I am sure you’ll understand if I melt