The Mindless Menace of Violence againest Women

“He who learns must suffer. Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, and against our will, comes wisdom by the awful grace of God.”

While single and even married I did all the cooking, laundry,food shopping. I paid all the bills. I would wake up every morning and make sure that my family had breakfast on the table ready for them before they got up. My mom made me learn how to cook,clean, sew and bake. She wanted me not to be dependent on any woman. My Dad embedded in me the idea that to be violent toward women is a reflection on my own weakness. Even while being in the Military and seeing the horrific things that men can to to each other in the name of “honor” I never had the urge to take out that horror on a woman

The reason we took notice of 30-year-old Reeva Steenkamp’s death among so many others killed every day is the shocking news that the man charged with killing her, her boyfriend, is none other than Oscar Pistorius, the athlete known as “Blade Runner,” a double amputee whose Olympic feats on prosthetic carbon fiber legs made him an international superstar.

But given what has been credibly written about him personally, Oscar Pistorius was transfixed by the dark side of the moon.

There is no question that many societies are finally becoming fed up with the much-too-common practice of attacking, raping and killing women that goes on in all corners of the world.

The perpetrators of these crimes are cowards, using superior physical force to intimidate or exert power. We have come to know some of their victims.

Remember Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani girl targeted by the Taliban because she proclaimed that every girl has a right to an education. She has survived and vowed to continue her struggle despite the Taliban’s promise they will try to kill her. The contrast in courage could not be starker.

Then there is Nirbhaya, the New Delhi university student who was gang raped in a bus. She died of her horrific injuries, but her assault moved India and the entire world so deeply that her legacy has fueled the battle to stop this violence.

Earlier this month, in a case gruesomely reminiscent of Nirbhaya, 17-year-old Anene Booysen was raped, killed, mutilated and left for dead, in the South African city of Capetown.

. According to U.N. statistics, one in three women will experience violence in her lifetime, including beating, rape or assault, making such violence a more prevalent problem than AIDS, malaria or any other disease. It means 1 billion women alive at this moment will become part of that statistic, .

The problem has deep roots and far-reaching ramifications. Women have endured the use of rape as a weapon of war, and domestic violence as a tool of control at home.

Domestic violence is one of those old traditions that should have died long ago. A 2012 study by UNICEF found most youngsters in India believe wife-beating is justified. But other surveys found the problem knows no national boundaries. The U.N. says about 14,000 Russian women die every year from domestic violence.

In some countries, women are subjected to violence as retaliation for other family members’ or their own perceived offenses in so-called “honor killings.”

In war zones, fighters rape women to humiliate their enemies, to perpetrate “ethnic cleansing” and to force people to leave. An incredible 92% of Liberian women in one study said they had been raped in that country’s war. As you read this, women are being raped in Syria, in the Congo and in other countries where wars rage. After the violation, many of them will be rejected by their families.

Violence against women tends to go hand in hand with lack of equality. It also is a sign of a malfunctioning society. It is a stubborn problem, but one that responds to measures, such as those just approved after a perplexing political battle in the United States.

As the world changes, as countries emerge from poverty and people fight for their rights, we can look to the level of violence against women as one of the gauges of their success. The Arab Human Development Reports of 2002 and 2005 said the low status of women is one of the reasons Arab countries had stagnated, calling the rise of women “a prerequisite for an Arab renaissance.”

Pistorius’ South Africa, a country with a storied history in the fight for racial equality, has a disturbing record of violence against women.

Any country, any society that wants to move forward and earn a place of honor among the nations must make it a priority to teach men from the earliest age that violence against women in any form is unacceptable, and those who hurt or intimidate women should be punished. They are men by gender only.

City Club of Cleveland, Cleveland, Ohio
April 5, 1968

This is a time of shame and sorrow. It is not a day for politics. I have saved this one opportunity, my only event of today, to speak briefly to you about the mindless menace of violence in America which again stains our land and every one of our lives.

It is not the concern of any one race. The victims of the violence are black and white, rich and poor, young and old, famous and unknown. They are, most important of all, human beings whom other human beings loved and needed. No one – no matter where he lives or what he does – can be certain who will suffer from some senseless act of bloodshed. And yet it goes on and on and on in this country of ours.

Why? What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr’s cause has ever been stilled by an assassin’s bullet.

No wrongs have ever been righted by riots and civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled, uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of reason.

Whenever any American’s life is taken by another American unnecessarily – whether it is done in the name of the law or in the defiance of the law, by one man or a gang, in cold blood or in passion, in an attack of violence or in response to violence – whenever we tear at the fabric of the life which another man has painfully and clumsily woven for himself and his children, the whole nation is degraded.

“Among free men,” said Abraham Lincoln, “there can be no successful appeal from the ballot to the bullet; and those who take such appeal are sure to lose their cause and pay the costs.”

Yet we seemingly tolerate a rising level of violence that ignores our common humanity and our claims to civilization alike. We calmly accept newspaper reports of civilian slaughter in far-off lands. We glorify killing on movie and television screens and call it entertainment. We make it easy for men of all shades of sanity to acquire whatever weapons and ammunition they desire.

Too often we honor swagger and bluster and wielders of force; too often we excuse those who are willing to build their own lives on the shattered dreams of others. Some Americans who preach non-violence abroad fail to practice it here at home. Some who accuse others of inciting riots have by their own conduct invited them.

Some look for scapegoats, others look for conspiracies, but this much is clear: violence breeds violence, repression brings retaliation, and only a cleansing of our whole society can remove this sickness from our soul.

For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay. This is the violence that afflicts the poor, that poisons relations between men because their skin has different colors. This is the slow destruction of a child by hunger, and schools without books and homes without heat in the winter.

This is the breaking of a man’s spirit by denying him the chance to stand as a father and as a man among other men. And this too afflicts us all.

I have not come here to propose a set of specific remedies nor is there a single set. For a broad and adequate outline we know what must be done. When you teach a man to hate and fear his brother, when you teach that he is a lesser man because of his color or his beliefs or the policies he pursues, when you teach that those who differ from you threaten your freedom or your job or your family, then you also learn to confront others not as fellow citizens but as enemies, to be met not with cooperation but with conquest; to be subjugated and mastered.

We learn, at the last, to look at our brothers as aliens, men with whom we share a city, but not a community; men bound to us in common dwelling, but not in common effort. We learn to share only a common fear, only a common desire to retreat from each other, only a common impulse to meet disagreement with force. For all this, there are no final answers.

Yet we know what we must do. It is to achieve true justice among our fellow citizens. The question is not what programs we should seek to enact. The question is whether we can find in our own midst and in our own hearts that leadership of humane purpose that will recognize the terrible truths of our existence.

We must admit the vanity of our false distinctions among men and learn to find our own advancement in the search for the advancement of others. We must admit in ourselves that our own children’s future cannot be built on the misfortunes of others. We must recognize that this short life can neither be ennobled or enriched by hatred or revenge.

Our lives on this planet are too short and the work to be done too great to let this spirit flourish any longer in our land. Of course we cannot vanquish it with a program, nor with a resolution.

But we can perhaps remember, if only for a time, that those who live with us are our brothers, that they share with us the same short moment of life; that they seek, as do we, nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and in happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can.

Surely, this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men, and surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our own hearts brothers and countrymen once again.

Kennedy recited these lines by Aeschylus on announcing the death of Martin Luther King, Jr.

“He who learns must suffer. Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, and against our will, comes wisdom by the awful grace of God.”


How to bring romance and hot nights for Valentines day or any day

Make your evening together sizzle by leaving trails of red rose petals to a romantic surprise such as a steaming bubble bath, an intimate gift, a romantic dinner for two, or to you–wearing nothing but a ribbon. Whatever your romantic surprise is, be sure to include candles, red wine, soft music, and, of course, more red roses. The evening is sure to be a memorable and enjoyable one!

Have a steamy bubble bath waiting for your love. Scent the water with fragrant rose oil, put softly glowing candles (also rose scented if possible) around the tub, and float rose petals on the top. When your love gets in the tub, slowly lather him or her up with soft soap and thoroughly massage neck, shoulders, chest, and arms. Pause long enough for a kiss or two, and continue your sensuous work. Rinse your love with warm water, and let your passion lead you from there.

Buy one dozen roses. Write intimate messages on tiny sheets of paper, clearly stating what you’d like your love to do to you tonight. Roll the papers up and attach one to each rose stem with ribbon. Hide the roses and dress in something alluring–or nothing at all. When your love walks in the door, tease him or her with a kiss and some affectionate rubbing. But don’t let him or her go too far, because the game is on. Your love must find and read out loud all twelve rose coupons before he or she can cash in for a wonderful evening with you.

Gently remove some petals from some roses and place them about the house, keeping track of how many petals there are. Leave a note on the door for when your love gets home saying that you’ll give them a kiss for every rose petal he or she presents to you. Add that if your love finds all of the petals, then you’ll give him or her whatever is desired.

Write your love a sensual letter that describes what you’d like him or her to do to you (if you need help, you can chose and print a letter from the Secret Love Letter Section). Add a bit of cologne, rose petals, and seal. Put the letter on your love’s pillow. Add more rose petals, and get ready for an intimate night.

Make it an extra hot night. Put red rose petals on the sheets and around your love’s pillow. Get out the oil. Heat it up for a few minutes in hot water. Turn down the lights and turn on the music. Have your love lie down in a bed of roses for an intimate massage that’s followed by kissing and caressing.

Give your love an intimate gift, such as sexy lingerie, a bottle of intimate oil, etc.. Put the gift in a white box and garnish with metallic ribbon, pink or red tissue paper and red rose petals. Wear something alluring and present the gift to your love. Be sure to include the gift in the evening’s fiery fun.

Is it a beautiful day for a romantic picnic? You can make it all the sweeter. Get your picnic packed, being sure to include some red wine or champagne, strawberries, and a couple of glasses. Then take a white sheet, spray with a bit of fragrance and add some rose petals. Carefully roll the sheet up and tie with a red ribbon. Pack separately from the food items. Unroll the sheet when you get to the picnic spot for a sensual meal and some intimate romance for dessert.

Gather the most beautiful roses you can find. You’ll need at least a dozen roses for this scenario. Take the roses and spell out the words, “I love you” on the dash of your love’s car or somewhere else where he or she is sure to see it. This will made a bold statement about your adoration and will reveal just how deep your feelings go.

Are you ready for a hot date? Here’s one sure way to make it all the hotter. Before you pick him or her up, put rose petals on and around your love’s seat. You could even tuck some silky petals in the mirror. Make up a reason why your love need’s to look in the mirror. When the mirror is pulled down, petals will cascade gently down to inspire affection that will last the whole evening. Quite simply, he or she will adore you for this thoughtful and romantic act.

This will take some advance planning and preparation. Grow some roses in your garden–make sure they’re a fragrant variety. When they mature, send your love an envelope full of petals with a short message about how they were grown in your own garden for the one you love. This act of love will speak your heart louder and stronger than any words possibly could.

Buy a beautiful red rose and gently remove most of the petals. On a small strip of paper, write a short romantic sentence about your feelings for your love such as specific reasons why you admire and love him or her. Roll up and wrap a rose petal around the message. Attach the rose to the petal with thin ribbon. Write more messages and repeat for the remainder of petals. Put the messages in a white box on a bed of romantic sheer fabric or heart printed tissue paper. Top with the rose and add a short message, explaining that the rest of the rose petals hold what’s in your heart. Your love will always appreciate this heartfelt and romantic gift and will return to the messages often.

Have a florist send your love 11 roses at a specific time. Show up at the door shortly afterward with the 12th rose. Here’s another version–if you’re going away on a trip. Have a florist deliver 11 roses on the day before you return. When you get home, inspire a romantic evening by presenting the remaining rose.

Give him or her a single different colored rose each week. Place it somewhere where he or she is sure to find it–along with a note attached, explaining what that color of rose means and how it pertains to your heart or your relationship.

Another variation. Give him or her a bouquet of different colored roses and write a romantic message explaining what each rose color in the bouquet means.
The Meaning of Roses
All roses symbolize love, but each rose has a special symbolic meaning. So before you send your love roses, make sure you know what your precious gift is saying to your love’s heart.
Rose Colors
• Red
• Dark Red
• Yellow
• Peach
• Dark Pink
• Light Pink
• White
• Red/Yellow
• Coral or orange
• Deep Burgundy

Passion, respect, love, strength
Inner beauty, love, passion
Joy, gladness, freedom, commitment
Gratitude, admiration, sympathy, sincerity
Grace, gentility, appreciation, tenderness
Admiration, sympathy, happiness, friendship
Reverence, Purity, Secrecy
Happiness, endless joy
Desire or enthusiasm
Endless inner Beauty

Other Meanings
• Two roses joined together symbolizes engagement.
• A Red and White Rose together symbolizes Unity.
• A single red rose in bloom says, “I love you!”
• Tearoses symbolize “I’ll always remember you.”
• Rose leaves are a symbol of hope.
• Red rose buds mean pure, beauty, or lovely.
• White rosebuds symbolize innocence or youth.
• A rose in bloom placed over two buds means secrecy.
• No thorns represent a truce or no fighting.

Touch your love’s heart in a way that he or she will never forget. Get a bag of chocolate kisses and one dozen roses. While he or she is away, put a message on the front door that says, “Follow the trail of kisses,” and leave a trail of chocolate kisses to the bathroom. There, attach the roses to the shower head with red ribbon. Include a note that says, “I’ve kissed the ground you walk on, and now I’ve showered you with roses.”

Get a beautiful light colored full rose that has several petals. Carefully write tiny messages of love on each petal, such as: “I need you,” “I love you,” “You’re beautiful,” etc. This act of love is sure to set the mood for a romance.

Or for a more sensual version, write specific things that you’d like to do to your love and would like him or her to do to you. Present the rose along with a bottle of champagne for a sizzling romantic evening.