Relationships at 40

I was asked to write some words for someone giving a speech on relationships for those still single over 40. This is what I wrote

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision about someone . You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. Its not whispering pretty lies in the dark. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Its like being wrapped like a gift in understanding.

But unfortunately to many of come into a relationship with a check list The allurement that women hold out to men is precisely the allurement that Moby Dick held out to Captain Ahab…thet are enormously dangerous and hence enormously fascinating . She is the most dangerous of playthings Adam Smith wrote “the game women play is men”

For some women, what is a date, but a job interview that lasts all night. Love is like a game of poker. Some feel if they they want to win their hand then they should be carefull not to show their cards before the man shows his. If dating is like shopping then having that approach is like being put on lay away. Its like saying ‘I know i want it but i want to delay taking it home as long as possible”.

I know of a friend who had lost his wife in 2007. Here was a man who at one time was homeless and through his own hands and efforts is multimillionaire. At 45 he doesn’t have to work a day ever again in his life. Most who have met him would never realize that he was a millionaire because he doesn’t live like one. This is a man who once a year pays for a childs medical bills though the Make a Wish Foundation and the funds always come from “unknown donor” . Most would say he’s a good-looking man,smart, well dressed and with a good heart. But most women never knew that to win his heart they had to be confident. He told me is late wife won his heart just by saying.

“I WANT TO KNOW YOU” and he was hooked. No drama… no games…no playing hard to get.

Love and relationships never dies a natural death over 40. It dies because we dont know how to replenish its source It dies of blindness of errors, betrayals, and unrealistic expectations. It dies of illness, wounds, or withering and tarnishing.
This is what he said at her eulogy

Did you know that I tasted heaven? It’s true. I tasted heaven the day we made love and everyday since . And when we kissed you sent me flying, dancing on the clouds while the stars sent down some loving light to shine upon us.
You’re were beautiful person inside and out. You possessed the grace of a dove, soaring into a never-ending shock of blue and downy white. And you have all the kindness and love of an angel bathed in heavenly light.

That’s what you are to me–my very own angel, and I’ll always own a bit of heaven as long as you’re a part of my life . Goodnight my love

May you all find that love in your life also.


Thoughts on the Day I knew I fell in Love

I find myself for the first time since we” ve have met at a loss for word. I don’t know how to describe what is taking place inside my heart. Being with you has become a necessity. I must be with you. The feel of your body lying next to mine is indescribable. Your warmth is like a blanket covering me and shielding me from the icy winds of life. I welcome the opportunity to spend time with you and I wait ever so impatiently to once again be by your side

I love you and because i love you I feel an immense want to make love to you. To experience your essence and drown myself in your womanhood. If i did not love you, I would never have allowed myself to try . The ecstasy of your profound femininity has been ingested by my soul by through the course of this love. Savoring a womans most sacred and divine possession is not something that is done casually. Love has to play a role . I call it your most divine possession because that’s what it is. Only you can decide who to share it with . Its is sacred because when the time comes It will be the threshold by which a human life will enter the world. From this moment on I am sworn to uphold , cherish , protect and worship your body and the ground upon which it walks There is no turning back now

The mystery of your immaculate physique will continue to unfold before me and though I am trying hard to be patient the waiting is unbearable
One thing I will promise you is that time will not erode or diminish this relentless desire I feel for you . On the contrary , time will only to serve to enhance and augment my craving aspiration to share the remainder of my existence with you. Each day that transpires will be better than the last. Each minute that passes will be a moment of tranquility of pure and unadulterated bliss. If there will ever be a time when we do not see eye to eye I will sacrifice my selfish pride and it will be our interest that i will have in mind . Yours and mine will evolve into ours.

The woman who I have desperately and patiently through the years of my life has arrived. She supersedes everything and every one that has affected my life . Because she is here my beliefs and goals have altered their course. Much of what I thought I knew is now null and void. I have embarked on a new and spectacular journey. It is called Paradise

You my love have given my life new meaning. I know now that the purpose of my life is to make you the happiest woman in the world and to safe guard this beautiful gift that life has bestowed on me. I will do what ever it takes to protect and keep our love. I will defend and cherish you with my very life. I will sacrifice my very last breath to make sure that your security and safety are not compromised and will do what ever it takes to shelter your beauty, your grace, and never let any harm come to you.
I love you and adore you and I know its only the beginning but my love has no limits and I can fall it growing every breath. I want to grow old with you. I want us to build a foundation and make it solid and indestructible. I have waited so long to hear these worlds also from your tender lips. We will take this one day at a time I promise. We shall grow together as one so come glimpse into my heart because there is more wonders in it to be hold because I love you and I am humbled that you want me also

Business Networking Events and Singles Parties – Are They Really Any Different?

If you’ve been in the workforce for a few years, and I don’t care which industry, you’ve probably been to a few “business networking” events. Probably several. A while back, I heard a woman complain that one such business networking event she’d attended was being viewed by several male participants as a prime venue to pick up women. On at least one occasion, at the direct request of a young lady, I’ve attempted to get her fixed up with a friend at one of these events, so I’d say both genders are subject to these impulses… but this talk of mixing business with pleasure got me thinking. On a certain level, business networking events are a lot like singles parties.

Seriously. There are certain parallels between the two types of events, both physical and sociological. Let’s start with the physical.

Networking events are often held in a bar. Guess what? Singles mingle in bars all the time, and the booze is a flowing in both types of events.

From an attendance standpoint (especially in the Internet arena), much like Saturday night at a sports bar, the men will vastly outnumber the women.

Much like attending a matchmaker’s party, the business networker is often given something to help break the ice while meeting new people. Sometimes it’s just a name tag. Other times it’s a badge, color-coded to what your professional niche is, or what your convention status is. The closet merging of the matchmaker’s realm and the networker’s I’ve personally witnessed was the stamping of business cards with specific characters when you entered the reception – find another person with an identical stamp on their card and you win a prize. If that networking promotion doesn’t sound like something straight out of a single’s party, I don’t know what does.

Moving on to the sociological aspects, at networking events, there seem to be two types of people: those huddling with entourage, only occasionally leaving their group to fetch a new drink; and those who approach potential partners and drop opening lines like “Hi, my name’s Bob. What’s your job?” Sound familiar?

At networking events, the vast majority of opening lines revolve around dropping your title and/or inquiring as to the other person’s job. I’m not saying there’s a parallel between “what do you do for a living” and “what’s your sign,” but if the cliché fits… An opening line is still just that, even if more people lead in with a handshake in networking events than their singles equivalent.

All this still points to one thing: at both events you’re looking to leave with a partner. At a business event, you might be looking for a long-term strategic partner or just a partner for a particular short-term need. The exact same thing occurs at a singles party, although modesty precludes too close an examination of this context.

While you’re out looking for that business partner, the prowling starts to resemble the baser parts of a single person’s mating ritual. Looks are still important, though the emphasis can slip to the cut of one’s suit more quickly. Business cards are collected and fancy titles savored. All the better if you partner with the CEO, instead of a programmer.

This deepens when Venture Capital and potential investors enter the business networking event. An investor is the business equivalent of a Sugar Daddy/Mommy, and an investor brings in a slightly different crowd to the event. A lot of people would like nothing more than to have an investor fund their short-term, exit-strategy-focused venture. That is to say, they want to be taken out for dinner and bought some jewelry before they stop returning phone calls. Then there’s another class of investor-stalking attendee that’s looking for first-round financing for a long-range business plan. These people are looking for a ring.

Especially in the case of the investor function, just like Saturday night, even though everyone’s out looking for a partner, almost every one still goes home alone.

And for those who don’t go home alone, sometimes their new partners don’t look so good in the morning. Much as a single person would rather gnaw off their arm, as to slip out in the morning without waking a particularly distasteful partner, a breach of contract lawsuit is the ultimate extension of Coyote Love.