The true measure of any relationship “Are you friends” in bad times and good

Growing up I learned how to cook/sew/washed floors/did my laundry/do all my grocery shopping/ paid all bills even when I was in the military. Yesterday while playing BB some “dude” said a “real MAN wouldn’t do IT. As I stood over him like “Ali standing over Liston” because my elbow “accidentally” (that’s my story )knocked him out and his two teeth ..I think he got my point…You are a man not because you were born are one by what you do and how you take care of the people you love. This “dude’ lives with his woman who supported him for the past 2 yrs…. yOU CAN COLOR ME WRONG all you want I just have no patience for that

So what makes a man or define a man ?

“What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me— nor woman neither, though by you’re smiling you seem to say so.”
“Hamlet” William Shakesphere

Being a kid is a blast. Unfortunately, we grow up, and things change. Our actions in everyday situations become more difficult, and ultimately define our character. How we handle these 5 moments that define a man?

#1 – Choosing to Marry This moment comes long before you pop the question. Ask yourself not whether you’ll still want to sleep with her in 20 years (you will), but how you’ll react when you discover what brand of sugar and spice she’s truly made of. A promising answer: “We’re still a pretty good team.”

#2 – Becoming a Father There are tons of fatherhood variables, but we do know one simple truth: The only times you’ll suck at being a dad are the moments you refuse to put your kids’ needs first. If you’re ready to prioritize them consistently, you’ll cruise.

#3 – Receiving Your First Real Defeat: I don’t mean losing to Springfield during your sophomore year. The adult defeats – job losses, divorces, family estrangement death or pain of loved ones – are the ones that cut deep into the ego, because they spotlight failure of temper, character, and adaptability. This week I learned of three people close to me ….one who was sexually asaulted…one who died and one who is ill. I wrote all day. ARE you able to limp to your feet, spit the turf out of your mouth, and smile with your two front teeth missing? You’d better be. People rally around that guy.

#4 – Becoming an Orphan: The day both your mom and dad are officially gone is a defining one. No more training. No more advice. No more free meals on Thanksgiving Day. It’s your turn to be the example at the head of the table. You don’t have to wear a cardigan when you carve the turkey, but you do have to take up the knife. Don’t cut yourself.

#5 – Realizing You Don’t Know Everything: The younger you are when you experience this moment of clarity, the better. It means you’ll be humbler in the face of knowledge – that’s a good thing. It also means you’ll have more years to quest, to learn, to figure out everything from options trading to tying a tighter fly. You ain’t stupid, sir. But unlike Hamlet you ain’t God, either

Women aren’t the only ones who can make the “biggest mistake of their lives” by marrying or dating the wrong person.

Essentially, men date the wrong women for many of the same reasons women date the wrong men: external pressure from their friends and family, loneliness and insecurity, believing that you can fix any faults she might have… Trophy Wives. Hollywood Stars.

However, after talking to several friends who shared their relationship stories gone wrong, and going through a bunch I discovered a few fundamental reasons for why THEY stay with the wrong person. Most of the them reported that they felt a sense of honor, duty or obligation to do so. They did not want to hurt the her/him or disappoint the family or friends. Some also didn’t have any place to go

Guys are just as tuned in to those relationship warning signs, or what we call “red flags,” as women are. These red flags offer clues about a partner’s character. Red flags are different for everyone, but they can be defined as any troubling actions, attitudes or behaviors. The issue lies in the fact that most of these red flags go ignored.

I spoke to one friend who was dating a woman who had a drug and alcohol problem. He was initially attracted to her “life-of-the-party” type of personality, and beauty but this soon progressed into her passing out every night. Deep down, he was disgusted and extremely disappointed in her — but he also felt like she really needed him and that somehow he could rescue her from her own demons.

Ultimately, she began stealing money from him. When all was said and done, he had invested over two years in the relationship and eventually ended all contact with her. He thought she needed a knight in shining armor and he took on that role with ease. Unfortunately, she knocked him off of his horse, stole it and left him to figure out how to get home!.

A conversation with another friend and actress in films spoke of a relationship where she paid for everything and he was a actor who hadn’t worked in a film since a bit part in 2007. She’s worth millions and he wants to get married.

There is a lesson here for all who might be dating the wrong person: Don’t believe that you can save another person. You don’t have that much power, nor do you want that much power.

If you are dating someone who lies, cheats, is addicted to drugs or alcohol, spends too much money, is disrespectful to others (including you)… I can almost guarantee that you will end up being miserable. These are red flags, acknowledge them, and then you will be on your way to a happier, more satisfying relationship with the right person

The most important lesson is learning to trust your gut feelings. Those gut feelings can sound that little voice in your head that makes you stop and pause, or the funny feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, or the sense that something is just not right. Our gut feelings are triggered by the red flags mentioned earlier. If you are dating a great woman she will bring out the best in you, not the worst. Let me tell you about one.

Years ago I saw what was then the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Tall sexy from the islands a professional model in the 90’s who walked will all the top models she was my fantasy woman until the day I met her. She was damaged. Now in her 40″s beautiful still, damaged emotionally, and unhappy. With the ability to say one thing and then deny it the next hr, she lived in the past. She claimed to be homeless and then in the next minute deny she ever said it. I couldn’t wait to leave

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be. But I allowed someone to be my priority, while allowing myself to be their option. That’s what I was…A FALLBACK. My choice was to try to win over the woman in my head or the one in front of me.

There is a saying “You don’t know a woman until you have a letter from her” and lets just say that when I decided not to find the rabbit. I ran the risk of being the rabbit in Fatal Attraction. She brought out the worst.

If a someone who is constantly setting off a gut reaction within you, listen carefully to what that little voice in your head is trying to tell you about her. Carefully consider your friend’s behavior and how she/she treats you. Does she/he constantly belittle you in front of her friends? Is she/he critical and judgmental of you? Do you share the same common core values? Is she/he disrespectful towards you or important people in your life? Are you constantly walking on eggshells? What happens inside of you when she behaves this way? If you have ignored your feelings or pushing them aside, STOP! Take a moment to check those feelings and ask yourself ….if you truly want to be committed to someone who causes you so much discomfort.

There is no checklist that will help you find The One. Everyone has a different idea about what they want in a partner. ( brunette, sexy, etc.), but consider who you are, what’s important to you, and the type of life you want to lead. Once you have thought about that, consider the qualities your potential partner must have to compliment this vision.

For example: “I have a sense of adventure and want to experience new things — hobbies, recreation, travel.” So it would be important to find a partner who shares a similar sense of adventure with your own. That doesn’t necessarily mean that she has to love bungee jumping and cliff-diving, but it does mean that she is open-minded, curious and willing to step out of her comfort zone. Or maybe it’s a matter of being flexible enough to sit on the sidelines while you attack the double black diamonds on a ski trip while she enjoys a book by the fireplace. If you want (or already have) children, think about your goals as a parent.

“I want a wife who is gentle with children but who can also be a caring disciplinarian who is not afraid to set limits.” Another thing to consider is what type of personality compliments you. “I want to be with someone who is patient and calm but who won’t get triggered when I overreact or get panicked.”

See the subtle details in this list? It’s not just a checklist; rather, it’s about articulating the qualities and characteristics you need for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

It sounds like a cliché, but when you meet the right person, you will just know. A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy. They will bring out the best in you, not the worst.

They will be a constant source of strength for you through the good times and the bad. Your face will light up when you talk about them to your coworkers and friends. HE/She will be the first person you want to talk to in the morning and the last at night. They will be the one who brings you a week’s supply of homemade chicken soup when you get sick with the flu. They may not like to watch “the big game” with you, but they will respect your desired pastimes and have their own set of hobbies independently of you, without complaining. They do exist… but sometimes you have to free yourself from the wrong person before you can find the right one otherwise you will be sleeping in a king size bed one day by yourself.

A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will not argue with her because she is seeking her dreams. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible….and you will treat her like a queen, not because of what she has or what she can do for you ….but just because she loves you

One day for everybody the world will stop and the most beautiful person in the world, inside and out, will appear and a miracle will happen ….The person you wished for was the friend right in front of you


4 responses to “The true measure of any relationship “Are you friends” in bad times and good

  1. Really interesting post, brought out some really good points, and also so true! I’m going through some ridicoulus problems with douche bag “friends” at the moment. Check out my blog, I’d love some feedback on my pieces and posts about creativity. Thanks 🙂

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