Success Quotes Words to: Make us think . . . Make us laugh . . . Help us achieve our dreams.

WORDS TO:
Make us think . . .
Make us laugh . . .
Help us achieve our dreams.

Nothing happens unless first a dream.
Carl Sandburg

If you can imagine it, you can create it.
If you can dream it, you can become it!
William Arthur Ward

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become.
Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be;
your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
James Lane Allen

Replace every “I CAN’T”
with an “I CAN!”
Kaylan Pickford

I know I can! I know I can!
The Little Engine that Could

You should be the change that you want to see in the world.
Mahatma Ghandi

Do not ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs
is people who have come alive.
Harold Whitman

Be an opener of doors for such as
come after thee, and do not try to
make the universe a blind alley.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

You gain strength, courage, and
confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look
fear in the face. You are able to
say to yourself, “I lived through
this horror. I can take the
next thing that comes along.”
You must do the thing
you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

“Life’s ups and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine
your values and goals. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones
to build the life you want.”
Marsha Sinetar

The world breaks everyone,
but some are stronger
at the broken places.
Ernest Hemingway

Trust yourself. You know
more than you think you do.
Benjamin Spock

Self-trust is the first secret of success.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self-confidence is the first
requisite to great undertakings. –
Samuel Johnson

Seventy per cent of success
in life is showing up.
Woody Allen

The time for action is now.
It’s never too late to do something.
Carl Sandburg

Begin with the end in mind.
Stephen R. Covey

The Key to Success in the Military:
Be where you are supposed to be,
with what you are supposed to have,
at the time you are supposed to be there,
and do what you are supposed to do.

Better to light a candle
than to curse the darkness.
Chinese Proverb

Burning Candle

Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off the goal.
Henry Ford

The secret of joy in work is
contained in one word–excellence.
To know how to do something
well is to enjoy it.
Pearl S. Buck

Some people may have greatness
thrust upon them. Very few have
excellence thrust upon them.
They achieve it. They do not achieve
it unwittingly, “by doin’ what comes
naturally”; and they don’t stumble
into it in the course of amusing
themselves. All excellence involves
discipline and tenacity of purpose.
John W. Gardner, Excellence

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle

The quality of a person’s life is in direct
proportion to their commitment to excellence,
regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.
Vince Lombardi

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.
Dream deep, for every dream precedes a goal.
Pamela Vault Starr

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.
If you can dream it, you can become it.
William Arthur Ward

It may be those who do most, dream most.
Stephen Leacock

You are never too old to set a new goal
or to dream a new dream.
Les Brown

Man’s reach must exceed his grasp,
else what’s a heaven for?
Robert Browning

Success is the active process of making
your dreams real and inspiring others to dream.
James Anders Honeycutt

Whatever you do or dream you
can do — begin it. Boldness has
genius and power and magic in it.
Johann von Goethe

If one advances confidently in
the direction of his dreams, and
endeavors to live the life which he has
imagined, he will meet with a success
unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau

Some people make things happen,
some people wafch things happen,
and some people say, “What happened?”
Anonymous

There is a time to let things happen
and a time to make things happen.
Hugh Prather

The highest reward for a man’s toil is not
what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it.
John Ruskin

Our plans miscarry
because they have no aim.
When a man does not know
what harbor he is making for,
no wind is the right wind.
Seneca

Until you value yourself,
you won’t value your time.
Until you value your time,
you will not do anything with it.
M. Scott Peck

We don’t see things as they are.
We see things as we are.
Anais Nin

The significant problems we face cannot
be solved at the same level of thinking
we were at when we created them.
Albert Einstein

You must first make an investment
before you can expect a return.
Investments always precede returns,
always.
Judy Suiter

I do not think there is any other quality
so essential to success of any kind as the
quality of perseverance. It overcomes
almost everything, even nature.
John D. Rockefeller

You can have anything you want —
if you want it badly enough.
You can be anything you want to be,
do anything you set out to accomplish,
if you hold to that desire
with singleness of purpose.
Abraham Lincoln

There are no dead ends for a
persistent man who knows
what he wants and where
he expects to find it.
Napoleon Hil, Think and Grow Rich

Press on. Nothing in the world
can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more
common than unsuccessful men
of talent. Genius will not; the world
is full of educated derelicts.
The slogan “Press On” has solved,
and always will solve, the
problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Winners never quit
and quitters never win.
Vince Lombardi
Experience shows that success is due less to ability than to zeal.

The winner is he who gives himself
to his work, body and soul.
Charles Buxton

Learn from the past, live for
today, look for tomorrow.
Take a nap this afternoon.
Igor Stavinsky

Take rest. A field that has
rested gives a bountiful crop.
Ovid

If you ask me what
I came to this world
to do, I will tell you …
I came to live out loud.
Emile Zola

For all sad words of tongue or
pen, the saddest are these:
“It might have been!”
John Greenleaf Whittier

One of the saddest lines in the world is,
“Oh, come now! Be realistic.”
Richard Bolles

The price of success is hard work,
dedication to the job at hand, and
the determination that whether we
win or lose, we have applied the best
of ourselves to the task at hand.
Vince Lombardi

Growth is the only evidence of life.
John Henry Newman

Change is not made
without inconvenience,
even from worse to better.
Thomas Hooker

The need for change bulldozed
a road down the center of my mind.
Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

Every successful man I have heard
of has done the best he could with
conditions as he found them, and not
waited until the next year for better.
Edgar Watson Howe

To be nobody but yourself —
in a world which is doing its best,
night and day, to make you like
everybody else — means to fight the
hardest battle which any human being
can fight, and never stop fighting.
e. e. cummings

It is easy in the world
to live after the world’s opinion;
it is easy in solitude to live after our own;
but the great man is he who in the midst
of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness
the independence of solitude.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is either a daring adventure
or nothing. To keep our faces toward
change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate
is strength undefeatable.
Helen Keller

“If you don’t identify your vision,
others will plan and direct your life for you.
Linda Phillips-Jones

We live by encouragement and die
without it — slowly, sadly, angrily.
Celeste Holm

Don’t mourn what you aren’t —
celebrate what you are!
Maren Fisher

Advice is what we ask for
when we already know the
answer, but wish we didn’t.
Erica Jong

When one door closes, another
opens; but we often look so long
and so regretfully upon the closed
door that we do not see the one
which has opened for us.
Alexander Graham Bell

Every exit is an entry somewhere else.
Tom Stoppard

When you follow your bliss,
doors will open where you
would not have thought there
would be doors; and where there
wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.
Joseph Campbell

Doubt is often the beginning of wisdom.
M. Scott Peck

To escape criticism:
Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
Elbert Hubbard

I’ve learned that making a living
is not the same as making a life.
Anonymous

Everything that can be counted
doesn’t necessarily count;
everything that counts can’t
necessarily be counted.
Albert Einstein

Character is more important
than intelligence for success.
Gilberte Beaux

I have found that it is the willingness
to say what I feel and want
that makes me feel whole.
Shakti Gawain, Living in the Light

It took me a long time to learn
that doing what nourished my spirit
was not selfish, but essential.
Kaylan Pickford, Always a Woman

Faith is what makes life bearable,
with all its tragedies and ambiguities
and sudden, startling joys.
Madeleine L’Engle, Walking on Water

I believe that at every level of society,
from the family up to international
relations, the key to a happier
and more successful world is the
nurturing of compassion. We do not
need to become religious, nor do we
need to believe in any ideology.
All that is necessary is for each of us
to develop our good human qualities.
The Dalai Lama

Individual commitment to a group effort —
that is what makes a team work,
a company work, a society work,
a civilization work.
Vince Lombardi

To conquer without risk is
to triumph without glory.
Pierre Corneille

Opportunities multiply
as they are seized;
they die when neglected.
Life is a long line of opportunities.
John Wicker

Learn to listen, opportunity
often knocks softly.
Anonymous

The secret of success in life is for a man to
be ready for his opportunity when it comes.
Benjamin Disraeli

My list of ingredients for success
is divided into four basic groups:
Inward, Outward, Upward and Onward.
David Thomas

Life takes on meaning when you become
motivated, set goals and charge
after them in an unstoppable manner.
Les Brown

No one knows what he
can do until he tries.
Publius Syrus

The harder you work,
the harder it is to surrender.
Vince Lombardi

Life’s under no obligation
to give us what we expect.
Margaret Mitchell

I don’t think life is big
cataclysmic changes;
I think it’s small decisions
that we make day by day.
Mary Morris

One thing at a time,
all things in succession.
That which grows slowly endures.
J. G. Hubbard

Life is a great bundle of little things.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Success is the sum of small efforts,
repeated day in and day out.
Robert Collier

One learns to succeed by
succeeding in small things first.
Mostly people learn to succeed
by overcoming failure.
Louis L’Amour, Passin’ Through

The secret of success is constancy to purpose.
Benjamin Disraeli

Our thoughts create our attitude
our attitude becomes our behavior
our behavior is how we treat others
how we treat others is what
we think of ourselves.
Kaylan Pickford

Passionate investment leaves us
vulnerable to loss. And sometimes,
no matter how clever we are,
we must lose.
Judith Viorst, Necessary Losses

I regret often that I have spoken,
but never, that I have listened.
Publius Syrus

Those who do not know how
to weep with their whole heart,
don’t know how to laugh either.
Golda Meir

Laughter is the shock absorber
that eases the blows of life.
Ambrose Bierce

If you lose the power to laugh,
you lose the power to think.
Clarence Darrow

You grow up the day you have
your first real laugh at yourself.
Anonymous

The key to acting is
to show up on time,
know your lines,
hit your marks, and,
don’t forget to have fun.
Spencer Tracy

Integrity is doing the right thing,
even if nobody is watching.
Jim Stovall

The time is always right
to do what is right.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The man who does not read good
books has no advantage over the
man who can’t read them.
Mark Twain

You can tell whether a man
is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man
is wise by his questions.
Naguib Mahfouz

I never retreat. I just start
fighting in a different direction.
General George S. Patton

The reflections on a day well spent
furnish us with joys more pleasing
than ten thousand triumphs.
Thomas à Kempis

The First Rule of Holes:
If you are in one, stop digging.
Molly Ivins

Trouble shared is trouble halved.
Dorothy Sayers

Laziness is a luxury that
few people can afford.
Igor Stavinsky

There are two kinds of people
in the world, givers and takers.
Takers eat well. Givers sleep well.
Monty Hall

I have never let my schooling
interfere with my education.
Mark Twain

‘By three methods we learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
second, by imitation, which is easiest;
and third by experience, which is bitterest’.
Confucius

If you think education is expensive,
consider the cost of ignorance.
Derek Bok

Experience is a good teacher,
but she sends in terrific bills.
Minna Antrim

The soul becomes dyed with
the color of its thoughts.
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

Nothing is so strong as gentleness,
Nothing so gentle as real strength.
St. Francis of Assisi

The best way to have a good
idea is to have lots of ideas.
Linus Pauling

The greatest accomplishment
is not in never falling, but
in rising again after you fall.
Vince Lombardi

One of the commonest mistakes
and one of the costliest is thinking
that success is due to some genius,
some magic — something or other
which we do not possess.
Success is generally due to holding
on, and failure to letting go.
You decide to learn a language,
study music, take a course of
reading, train yourself physically.
Will it be success or failure?
It depends upon how much pluck
and perseverance that word
decide contains. The decision
that nothing can overrule,
the grip that nothing can
detach, will bring success.
Remember the Chinese proverb,
“With time and patience, the
mulberry leaf becomes satin.’
Maltbie Davenport Babcock

Don’t confuse dreams with wishes.
A dream is simply a wish with legs.
Paul Keenan

A dream is just a dream. A goal
is a dream with a plan and a deadline.
Harvey Mackay

There are those who look at things
the way they are, and ask “Why?”
I dream of things that never were,
and ask “Why not?”
Robert F. Kennedy

You see things; and you say, “Why?”
But I dream things that never were;
and I say, “Why not?”
George Bernard Shaw

Those who dream by day are
cognizant of many things that escape
those who dream only at night.
Edgar Allan Poe

To accomplish great things, we
must not only act but also dream.
Not only plan but also believe.
Anatole France

Twenty years from now you
will be more disappointed
by the things you didn’t do
than by the ones you did.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain

The uncommon man is merely the
common man thinking and dreaming
of success in larger terms and
in more fruitful areas.
Melvin Powers

The way I see it, there are two kinds
of dreams. One is a dream that’s
always going to be just that …..
A dream. A vision that you can
never really hold in your hand.

Then there’s a dream that’s
more than a dream its like ….
A map. A map that you live by
and follow for the rest of your days
Knowing that someday you’re going
to stand on top of that mountain
holding everything you thought of
right there in your hand!
Robert Cooper

The future belongs to those who
believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt

In times of change, those who are
prepared to learn will inherit the land,
while those who think they already know
will find themselves wonderfully equipped
to face a world that no longer exists.
Eric Hoffer

The fortune of a man who sits,
sits also; it rises when he rises;
it sleeps when he sleeps;
it moves well when he moves.
Travel!
Richard R. Burton,
Vikram and the Vampire

To accomplish great things,
we must not only act, but also dream,
not only plan, but also believe.
Anatole France

The body is shaped, disciplined,
honored and in time trusted.
You shape your habits,
then your habits shape you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Things
do not change;
we change.
Henry David Thoreau

We cannot become what we need
to be by remaining what we are.
Max De Pree

The strongest memory is not
as strong as the weakest ink.
Confucius

Let me write the songs of a nation —
I don’t care who writes its laws.
Andrew Fletcher

There is no beautifier of complexion,
or form, or behavior, like the wish
to scatter joy and not pain around us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

If at first the idea is not absurd,
then there is no hope for it.
Albert Einstein

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Albert Einstein

Not to decide is to decide.
Harvey Cox

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge.
Proverbs 12:1

The man with a new idea is a
crank until the idea succeeds.
Mark Twain

To be conscious that you are ignorant
is a great step to knowledge.
Benjamin Disraeli

To be great is to be misunderstood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

People demand freedom of speech to make up
for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Søren Kierkegaard

Fame usually comes to those who
are thinking about something else.
Oliver Wendell Homes

It is a folly second to none
to try to improve the world.
Molière

To find yourself, think for yourself.
Socrates

We should seize every opportunity to give
encouragement. It is oxygen to the soul.
George M. Adams

A word of encouragement today can make an
amzaing difference in someone’s tomorrow!
Anonymous

Everything that is done in
the world is done by hope.
Martin Luther

If a thing is worth doing,
it’s worth doing badly.
G. K. Chesterton

A man who has no imagination has no wings.
Ali

Nobody can ever make you
feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
.

No one respects a talent that is concealed.
Desiderius Erasmus

Deep roots are not reached by frost.
J.R.R. Tolkien

There are only two distinct
classes of people on this earth:
those who espouse enthusiasm
and those who despise it.
Germaine de Stael

You can’t have what you want
until you know what you want.
Joe Jackson

For every minute you remain angry, you
give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

You never know if it’s going to be a
mistake until you take the chance.
Dawn Miller

Leadership is the art of getting someone
else to do something you want done
because he wants to do it.
Dwight D. Eisenhower

You can’t depend on your eyes
if your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain

You can’t use up creativity.
The more you use, the more you have.
Maya Angelou

Most of us are about as happy
as we make our minds up to be.
Abraham Lincoln

A man is likely to mind his own business
when it is worth minding. When it is not,
he takes his mind off his own meaningless
affairs by minding other people’s business.
Eric Hoffer

Anyone can become angry–that is easy.
But to be angry with the right person,
to the right degree, at the right time,
for the right purpose, and in the right way–
that is not easy.
Aristotle

In matters of style, swim with the current;
in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
Thomas Jefferson

Minds are like parachutes;
they work best when open.
Thomas Dewar

Give a hungry person a fish,
he eats for a day.

Teach a hungry person to fish,
he eats for a lifetime.
Confucius

Great things are not done by impulse,
but by a series of small things brought together.
Vincent Van Gogh

One small breeze doesn’t make a windstorm.
John McGraw

Anyone who has never made a mistake
has never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein

The only limits on us are
the ones we set on ourselves.
Manuel Carrasquillo

Sweat plus sacrifice equals success.
Charles O. Finley

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
English Proverb

When you’ve done the best you can,
you can’t do any better.
Harry S Truman

Many a false step is taken by standing still.
Arnold Glasow

Triumph is just “umph” added to try.
God’s Little Instruction Book for Students

What you really have to do, if you want
to be creative, is to unlearn all the teasing
and censoring that you’ve experienced
throughout your life. If you are truly a
creative person, you know that feeling
insecure and lonely is par for the course.
You can’t have it both ways:
You can’t be creative and conform, too.
You have to recognize that what makes
you different also makes you creative.
Arno Penzias

A river cuts through rock,
not because of its power,
but because of its persistence.
Jim Watkins

I am not discouraged, because every wrong
attempt discarded is another step forward.
Thomas Edison

I would rather have lofty dreams
that are never fulfilled than lowly
goals that are easily accomplished.
Jim Watkins

The things we pray for, good Lord,
give us grace to labor for.
Thomas More

Destiny is not a matter of chance,
it is a matter of choice;
it is not a thing to be waited for,
it is a thing to be achieved.
William Jennigs Bryan

Ambition is the path to success.
Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in.
Bill Bradley

If you think you are too small to be effective,
you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
Betty Reese

I am not what I ought to be;
I am not what I would like to be;
I am not what I hope to be.
But I am not what I once was,
and by the grace of God,
I am what I am.
John Newton

You will only be remembered for two things:
the problems you solve or the ones you create.
Mike Murdock

A river reaches places
that its source never knows.
Oswald Chambers

Never fear shadows. They simply
mean there’s a light somewhere nearby.
Ruth E. Renkee

Never . . . Never . . . Never . . . Never give up!
Winston Churchill

NEVER GIVE IN,
never give in,
never, never, never, never,
in nothing, great or small,
large or petty,
never give in
except to convictions of
honor and good sense.
Winston Churchill

Never give up and never give in.
Hubert H. Humphrey

The greater the obstacle,
the more glory in overcoming it.
Moliere

Success is to be measured not so much
by the position that one has reached in
life as by the obstacles which have been
overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

Life’s biggest challenge is deciding what’s
important – then disregarding the rest.
Unknown

Never tell people how to do things.
Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
George S. Patton

No amount of ability is of the
slightest avail without honor.
Andrew Carnegie

Character and personal force are the
only investments that are worth anything.
Walt Whitman

Nothing happens unless first a dream.
Carl Sandburg

If you can imagine it, you can create it.
If you can dream it, you can become it!
William Arthur Ward

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become.
Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be;
your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
James Lane Allen

Replace every “I CAN’T”
with an “I CAN!”
Kaylan Pickford

I know I can! I know I can!
The Little Engine that Could

You should be the change that you want to see in the world.
Mahatma Ghandi

Do not ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs
is people who have come alive.
Harold Whitman

Be an opener of doors for such as
come after thee, and do not try to
make the universe a blind alley.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

You gain strength, courage, and
confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look
fear in the face. You are able to
say to yourself, “I lived through
this horror. I can take the
next thing that comes along.”
You must do the thing
you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

“Life’s ups and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine
your values and goals. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones
to build the life you want.”
Marsha Sinetar

The world breaks everyone,
but some are stronger
at the broken places.
Ernest Hemingway

Trust yourself. You know
more than you think you do.
Benjamin Spock

Self-trust is the first secret of success.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self-confidence is the first
requisite to great undertakings. –
Samuel Johnson

Seventy per cent of success
in life is showing up.
Woody Allen

The time for action is now.
It’s never too late to do something.
Carl Sandburg

Begin with the end in mind.
Stephen R. Covey

The Key to Success in the Military:
Be where you are supposed to be,
with what you are supposed to have,
at the time you are supposed to be there,
and do what you are supposed to do.

Better to light a candle
than to curse the darkness.
Chinese Proverb

Burning Candle

Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off the goal.
Henry Ford

The secret of joy in work is
contained in one word–excellence.
To know how to do something
well is to enjoy it.
Pearl S. Buck

Some people may have greatness
thrust upon them. Very few have
excellence thrust upon them.
They achieve it. They do not achieve
it unwittingly, “by doin’ what comes
naturally”; and they don’t stumble
into it in the course of amusing
themselves. All excellence involves
discipline and tenacity of purpose.
John W. Gardner, Excellence

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle

The quality of a person’s life is in direct
proportion to their commitment to excellence,
regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.
Vince Lombardi

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.
Dream deep, for every dream precedes a goal.
Pamela Vault Starr

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.
If you can dream it, you can become it.
William Arthur Ward

It may be those who do most, dream most.
Stephen Leacock

You are never too old to set a new goal
or to dream a new dream.
Les Brown

Man’s reach must exceed his grasp,
else what’s a heaven for?
Robert Browning

Success is the active process of making
your dreams real and inspiring others to dream.
James Anders Honeycutt

Whatever you do or dream you
can do — begin it. Boldness has
genius and power and magic in it.
Johann von Goethe

If one advances confidently in
the direction of his dreams, and
endeavors to live the life which he has
imagined, he will meet with a success
unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau

Some people make things happen,
some people wafch things happen,
and some people say, “What happened?”
Anonymous

There is a time to let things happen
and a time to make things happen.
Hugh Prather

The highest reward for a man’s toil is not
what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it.
John Ruskin

Our plans miscarry
because they have no aim.
When a man does not know
what harbor he is making for,
no wind is the right wind.
Seneca

Until you value yourself,
you won’t value your time.
Until you value your time,
you will not do anything with it.
M. Scott Peck

We don’t see things as they are.
We see things as we are.
Anais Nin

The significant problems we face cannot
be solved at the same level of thinking
we were at when we created them.
Albert Einstein

You must first make an investment
before you can expect a return.
Investments always precede returns,
always.
Judy Suiter

I do not think there is any other quality
so essential to success of any kind as the
quality of perseverance. It overcomes
almost everything, even nature.
John D. Rockefeller

You can have anything you want —
if you want it badly enough.
You can be anything you want to be,
do anything you set out to accomplish,
if you hold to that desire
with singleness of purpose.
Abraham Lincoln

There are no dead ends for a
persistent man who knows
what he wants and where
he expects to find it.
Napoleon Hil, Think and Grow Rich

Press on. Nothing in the world
can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more
common than unsuccessful men
of talent. Genius will not; the world
is full of educated derelicts.
The slogan “Press On” has solved,
and always will solve, the
problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Winners never quit
and quitters never win.
Vince Lombardi
Experience shows that success is due less to ability than to zeal.

The winner is he who gives himself
to his work, body and soul.
Charles Buxton

Learn from the past, live for
today, look for tomorrow.
Take a nap this afternoon.
Igor Stavinsky

Take rest. A field that has
rested gives a bountiful crop.
Ovid

If you ask me what
I came to this world
to do, I will tell you …
I came to live out loud.
Emile Zola

For all sad words of tongue or
pen, the saddest are these:
“It might have been!”
John Greenleaf Whittier

One of the saddest lines in the world is,
“Oh, come now! Be realistic.”
Richard Bolles

The price of success is hard work,
dedication to the job at hand, and
the determination that whether we
win or lose, we have applied the best
of ourselves to the task at hand.
Vince Lombardi

Growth is the only evidence of life.
John Henry Newman

Change is not made
without inconvenience,
even from worse to better.
Thomas Hooker

The need for change bulldozed
a road down the center of my mind.
Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

Every successful man I have heard
of has done the best he could with
conditions as he found them, and not
waited until the next year for better.
Edgar Watson Howe

To be nobody but yourself —
in a world which is doing its best,
night and day, to make you like
everybody else — means to fight the
hardest battle which any human being
can fight, and never stop fighting.
e. e. cummings

It is easy in the world
to live after the world’s opinion;
it is easy in solitude to live after our own;
but the great man is he who in the midst
of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness
the independence of solitude.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is either a daring adventure
or nothing. To keep our faces toward
change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate
is strength undefeatable.
Helen Keller

“If you don’t identify your vision,
others will plan and direct your life for you.
Linda Phillips-Jones

We live by encouragement and die
without it — slowly, sadly, angrily.
Celeste Holm

Don’t mourn what you aren’t —
celebrate what you are!
Maren Fisher

Advice is what we ask for
when we already know the
answer, but wish we didn’t.
Erica Jong

When one door closes, another
opens; but we often look so long
and so regretfully upon the closed
door that we do not see the one
which has opened for us.
Alexander Graham Bell

Every exit is an entry somewhere else.
Tom Stoppard

When you follow your bliss,
doors will open where you
would not have thought there
would be doors; and where there
wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.
Joseph Campbell

Doubt is often the beginning of wisdom.
M. Scott Peck

To escape criticism:
Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
Elbert Hubbard

I’ve learned that making a living
is not the same as making a life.
Anonymous

Everything that can be counted
doesn’t necessarily count;
everything that counts can’t
necessarily be counted.
Albert Einstein

Character is more important
than intelligence for success.
Gilberte Beaux

I have found that it is the willingness
to say what I feel and want
that makes me feel whole.
Shakti Gawain, Living in the Light

It took me a long time to learn
that doing what nourished my spirit
was not selfish, but essential.
Kaylan Pickford, Always a Woman

Faith is what makes life bearable,
with all its tragedies and ambiguities
and sudden, startling joys.
Madeleine L’Engle, Walking on Water

I believe that at every level of society,
from the family up to international
relations, the key to a happier
and more successful world is the
nurturing of compassion. We do not
need to become religious, nor do we
need to believe in any ideology.
All that is necessary is for each of us
to develop our good human qualities.
The Dalai Lama

Individual commitment to a group effort —
that is what makes a team work,
a company work, a society work,
a civilization work.
Vince Lombardi

To conquer without risk is
to triumph without glory.
Pierre Corneille

Opportunities multiply
as they are seized;
they die when neglected.
Life is a long line of opportunities.
John Wicker

Learn to listen, opportunity
often knocks softly.
Anonymous

The secret of success in life is for a man to
be ready for his opportunity when it comes.
Benjamin Disraeli

My list of ingredients for success
is divided into four basic groups:
Inward, Outward, Upward and Onward.
David Thomas

Life takes on meaning when you become
motivated, set goals and charge
after them in an unstoppable manner.
Les Brown

No one knows what he
can do until he tries.
Publius Syrus

The harder you work,
the harder it is to surrender.
Vince Lombardi

Life’s under no obligation
to give us what we expect.
Margaret Mitchell

I don’t think life is big
cataclysmic changes;
I think it’s small decisions
that we make day by day.
Mary Morris

One thing at a time,
all things in succession.
That which grows slowly endures.
J. G. Hubbard

Life is a great bundle of little things.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Success is the sum of small efforts,
repeated day in and day out.
Robert Collier

One learns to succeed by
succeeding in small things first.
Mostly people learn to succeed
by overcoming failure.
Louis L’Amour, Passin’ Through

The secret of success is constancy to purpose.
Benjamin Disraeli

Our thoughts create our attitude
our attitude becomes our behavior
our behavior is how we treat others
how we treat others is what
we think of ourselves.
Kaylan Pickford

Passionate investment leaves us
vulnerable to loss. And sometimes,
no matter how clever we are,
we must lose.
Judith Viorst, Necessary Losses

I regret often that I have spoken,
but never, that I have listened.
Publius Syrus

Those who do not know how
to weep with their whole heart,
don’t know how to laugh either.
Golda Meir

Laughter is the shock absorber
that eases the blows of life.
Ambrose Bierce

If you lose the power to laugh,
you lose the power to think.
Clarence Darrow

You grow up the day you have
your first real laugh at yourself.
Anonymous

The key to acting is
to show up on time,
know your lines,
hit your marks, and,
don’t forget to have fun.
Spencer Tracy

Integrity is doing the right thing,
even if nobody is watching.
Jim Stovall

The time is always right
to do what is right.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The man who does not read good
books has no advantage over the
man who can’t read them.
Mark Twain

You can tell whether a man
is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man
is wise by his questions.
Naguib Mahfouz

I never retreat. I just start
fighting in a different direction.
General George S. Patton

The reflections on a day well spent
furnish us with joys more pleasing
than ten thousand triumphs.
Thomas à Kempis

The First Rule of Holes:
If you are in one, stop digging.
Molly Ivins

Trouble shared is trouble halved.
Dorothy Sayers

Laziness is a luxury that
few people can afford.
Igor Stavinsky

There are two kinds of people
in the world, givers and takers.
Takers eat well. Givers sleep well.
Monty Hall

I have never let my schooling
interfere with my education.
Mark Twain

‘By three methods we learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
second, by imitation, which is easiest;
and third by experience, which is bitterest’.
Confucius

If you think education is expensive,
consider the cost of ignorance.
Derek Bok

Experience is a good teacher,
but she sends in terrific bills.
Minna Antrim

The soul becomes dyed with
the color of its thoughts.
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

Nothing is so strong as gentleness,
Nothing so gentle as real strength.
St. Francis of Assisi

The best way to have a good
idea is to have lots of ideas.
Linus Pauling

The greatest accomplishment
is not in never falling, but
in rising again after you fall.
Vince Lombardi

One of the commonest mistakes
and one of the costliest is thinking
that success is due to some genius,
some magic — something or other
which we do not possess.
Success is generally due to holding
on, and failure to letting go.
You decide to learn a language,
study music, take a course of
reading, train yourself physically.
Will it be success or failure?
It depends upon how much pluck
and perseverance that word
decide contains. The decision
that nothing can overrule,
the grip that nothing can
detach, will bring success.
Remember the Chinese proverb,
“With time and patience, the
mulberry leaf becomes satin.’
Maltbie Davenport Babcock

Don’t confuse dreams with wishes.
A dream is simply a wish with legs.
Paul Keenan

A dream is just a dream. A goal
is a dream with a plan and a deadline.
Harvey Mackay

There are those who look at things
the way they are, and ask “Why?”
I dream of things that never were,
and ask “Why not?”
Robert F. Kennedy

You see things; and you say, “Why?”
But I dream things that never were;
and I say, “Why not?”
George Bernard Shaw

Those who dream by day are
cognizant of many things that escape
those who dream only at night.
Edgar Allan Poe

To accomplish great things, we
must not only act but also dream.
Not only plan but also believe.
Anatole France

Twenty years from now you
will be more disappointed
by the things you didn’t do
than by the ones you did.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain

The uncommon man is merely the
common man thinking and dreaming
of success in larger terms and
in more fruitful areas.
Melvin Powers

The way I see it, there are two kinds
of dreams. One is a dream that’s
always going to be just that …..
A dream. A vision that you can
never really hold in your hand.

Then there’s a dream that’s
more than a dream its like ….
A map. A map that you live by
and follow for the rest of your days
Knowing that someday you’re going
to stand on top of that mountain
holding everything you thought of
right there in your hand!
Robert Cooper

The future belongs to those who
believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt

In times of change, those who are
prepared to learn will inherit the land,
while those who think they already know
will find themselves wonderfully equipped
to face a world that no longer exists.
Eric Hoffer

The fortune of a man who sits,
sits also; it rises when he rises;
it sleeps when he sleeps;
it moves well when he moves.
Travel!
Richard R. Burton,
Vikram and the Vampire

To accomplish great things,
we must not only act, but also dream,
not only plan, but also believe.
Anatole France

The body is shaped, disciplined,
honored and in time trusted.
You shape your habits,
then your habits shape you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Things
do not change;
we change.
Henry David Thoreau

We cannot become what we need
to be by remaining what we are.
Max De Pree

The strongest memory is not
as strong as the weakest ink.
Confucius

Let me write the songs of a nation —
I don’t care who writes its laws.
Andrew Fletcher

There is no beautifier of complexion,
or form, or behavior, like the wish
to scatter joy and not pain around us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

If at first the idea is not absurd,
then there is no hope for it.
Albert Einstein

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Albert Einstein

Not to decide is to decide.
Harvey Cox

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge.
Proverbs 12:1

The man with a new idea is a
crank until the idea succeeds.
Mark Twain

To be conscious that you are ignorant
is a great step to knowledge.
Benjamin Disraeli

To be great is to be misunderstood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

People demand freedom of speech to make up
for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Søren Kierkegaard

Fame usually comes to those who
are thinking about something else.
Oliver Wendell Homes

It is a folly second to none
to try to improve the world.
Molière

To find yourself, think for yourself.
Socrates

We should seize every opportunity to give
encouragement. It is oxygen to the soul.
George M. Adams

A word of encouragement today can make an
amzaing difference in someone’s tomorrow!
Anonymous

Everything that is done in
the world is done by hope.
Martin Luther

If a thing is worth doing,
it’s worth doing badly.
G. K. Chesterton

A man who has no imagination has no wings.
Ali

Nobody can ever make you
feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
.

No one respects a talent that is concealed.
Desiderius Erasmus

Deep roots are not reached by frost.
J.R.R. Tolkien

There are only two distinct
classes of people on this earth:
those who espouse enthusiasm
and those who despise it.
Germaine de Stael

You can’t have what you want
until you know what you want.
Joe Jackson

For every minute you remain angry, you
give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

You never know if it’s going to be a
mistake until you take the chance.
Dawn Miller

Leadership is the art of getting someone
else to do something you want done
because he wants to do it.
Dwight D. Eisenhower

You can’t depend on your eyes
if your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain

You can’t use up creativity.
The more you use, the more you have.
Maya Angelou

Most of us are about as happy
as we make our minds up to be.
Abraham Lincoln

A man is likely to mind his own business
when it is worth minding. When it is not,
he takes his mind off his own meaningless
affairs by minding other people’s business.
Eric Hoffer

Anyone can become angry–that is easy.
But to be angry with the right person,
to the right degree, at the right time,
for the right purpose, and in the right way–
that is not easy.
Aristotle

In matters of style, swim with the current;
in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
Thomas Jefferson

Minds are like parachutes;
they work best when open.
Thomas Dewar

Give a hungry person a fish,
he eats for a day.

Teach a hungry person to fish,
he eats for a lifetime.
Confucius

Great things are not done by impulse,
but by a series of small things brought together.
Vincent Van Gogh

One small breeze doesn’t make a windstorm.
John McGraw

Anyone who has never made a mistake
has never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein

The only limits on us are
the ones we set on ourselves.
Manuel Carrasquillo

Sweat plus sacrifice equals success.
Charles O. Finley

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
English Proverb

When you’ve done the best you can,
you can’t do any better.
Harry S Truman

Many a false step is taken by standing still.
Arnold Glasow

Triumph is just “umph” added to try.
God’s Little Instruction Book for Students

What you really have to do, if you want
to be creative, is to unlearn all the teasing
and censoring that you’ve experienced
throughout your life. If you are truly a
creative person, you know that feeling
insecure and lonely is par for the course.
You can’t have it both ways:
You can’t be creative and conform, too.
You have to recognize that what makes
you different also makes you creative.
Arno Penzias

A river cuts through rock,
not because of its power,
but because of its persistence.
Jim Watkins

I am not discouraged, because every wrong
attempt discarded is another step forward.
Thomas Edison

I would rather have lofty dreams
that are never fulfilled than lowly
goals that are easily accomplished.
Jim Watkins

The things we pray for, good Lord,
give us grace to labor for.
Thomas More

Destiny is not a matter of chance,
it is a matter of choice;
it is not a thing to be waited for,
it is a thing to be achieved.
William Jennigs Bryan

Ambition is the path to success.
Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in.
Bill Bradley

If you think you are too small to be effective,
you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
Betty Reese

I am not what I ought to be;
I am not what I would like to be;
I am not what I hope to be.
But I am not what I once was,
and by the grace of God,
I am what I am.
John Newton

You will only be remembered for two things:
the problems you solve or the ones you create.
Mike Murdock

A river reaches places
that its source never knows.
Oswald Chambers

Never fear shadows. They simply
mean there’s a light somewhere nearby.
Ruth E. Renkee

Never . . . Never . . . Never . . . Never give up!
Winston Churchill

NEVER GIVE IN,
never give in,
never, never, never, never,
in nothing, great or small,
large or petty,
never give in
except to convictions of
honor and good sense.
Winston Churchill

Never give up and never give in.
Hubert H. Humphrey

The greater the obstacle,
the more glory in overcoming it.
Moliere

Success is to be measured not so much
by the position that one has reached in
life as by the obstacles which have been
overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

Life’s biggest challenge is deciding what’s
important – then disregarding the rest.
Unknown

Never tell people how to do things.
Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
George S. Patton

No amount of ability is of the
slightest avail without honor.
Andrew Carnegie

Character and personal force are the
only investments that are worth anything.
Walt Whitman

Why 5000 friends on FB or stars like Rachel Mcadams or Anne Hathaway are not your friends

Serious question: Do you know who your friends are? What makes your friends your friends on Facebook ?

Last night I sat on the couch at my home with an old friend. She is going through a hard time in her life, the same thing I went through three years ago. Fittingly, it was this friend who stood by me as I went through my hard time and now I was doing the same for her. She cried, but not because it was sad; because the more we talked, the more we realized how similar we are, how much our beliefs and values align. The emotional intensity of it all was so overwhelming that we both ended up in tears.

The experience was jarring for me. Not because I minded crying or sharing that kind of experience with a friend. It was jarring because sitting there and feeling what a close friendship is, I realized that a lot of people that I call “good friends” aren’t really good friends at all. I realized how readily I use terms like “good friend” or “close friend” with people I’ll never have this kind of experience with.

In this age of omniconnectedness, words like “network,” “community” and even “friends” no longer mean what they used to. Networks don’t exist on LinkedIn. A community is not something that happens on a blog or on Twitter. And a friend is more than someone whose online status you check. A friend is an emotional bond, just like friendship is a human experience. What I’ve learned is that I’ve too often confused the weak bonds I have with people I know with the strong bonds I have with friends. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is.

A friend is someone with whom we share deep trust. The strong bond we have with a friend means that person will be there for us no matter what. The reason I made it through a few years ago was because someone was there for me at a time when I could offer nothing in return. The strong bond of friendship is not always a balanced equation; friendship is not always about giving and taking in equal shares. Instead, friendship is grounded in a feeling that you know exactly who will be there for you when you need something, no matter what or when.

There is a difference between vulnerability and telling people everything about yourself. Vulnerability is a feeling. Telling everyone about yourself is just facts and details. The problem is the more we share about ourselves on Facebook, for example, the more we confuse all that information with having others “get to know us.” Someone can look through our pictures, read our comments and opinions and start to think they know who we are, but they don’t. They only know what they see and read. Worse, the feeling they may have toward us is one-sided.

This phenomenon is called a parasocial relationship — a relationship in which one person knows much more about the other. This is what happens with celebrities. Because we can read about their public lives in the tabloids and hear about what they are doing on TMZ, we think we know them. But we don’t know anything about who they are.

I “friended” a movie star who lived in Toronto. I sent her a message that I was coming to see Toronto and she posted on Facebook that she would like to show me the city and go together. I told her my dates but when I was ready to to go and emailed her she never responded and was nowhere to be found. She is still on Facebook

In our modern world, however, we are all celebrities and we all live semipublic lives. Others can read about what we’re doing and who we know and what we like. They can start to form bonds with us, but those bonds are one-sided and they are not the basis for real, close friendship. I was not friends with her and nor did I expect her to come through. The reality is those people are acquaintances — a term we rarely hear anymore.

But if you do climb that ladder, It wont take long to understand that a new kind of woman will be interested in you, even if you are with someone. Its the sort of woman who in the past had stirred insecurity. It was like a kid finding Batman’s belt in the lost and found. No point in giving it back until you’ve tried all your new powers. But you can forgot to ask, will I be able to stop once I’ve tasted these powers?

Superficially, the bar for women is set, based on the physical: some sort of exterior beauty, along with fame, sophistication, wild-child possibility, flirtation with the dark side.

As you climb the ladder, your social confidence explodes. You receive the sort of attention you never did when you were younger. It is addictive, and when you are in it, there seems to be no end in sight. The attention increases tenfold when you are dating a Hollywood Star or know one personally . You become a star also.

But that life isn’t rooted in good practices; it’s more like, “flash your badge and they will come.” Your confidence is based on a pack mentality, strong in numbers. (5000 FB FANS) You can push aside the inconvenience of having to start a conversation — just by being in the V.I.P. section , the conversation is started for you. If you have a well-connected friend or an entourage to find you a companion, you might not need conversation at all.

Reducing a relationship to time, money and X is usually a bad way to start. Relationships can get crafted around thier whims. The spiritual significance of an enduring commitment falls by the wayside, giving way to limits and rules defined by the ego.

Although it doesn’t have to be this way, relationships can become part of the world of ego and illusions. No one is right for you, or good enough. Everyone is disposable.

I was reminded of this when I ran into an old Hollywood girlfriend in Calif

At the time she was the most beautiful woman I had ever see. A Hollywood actress who was constantly at the Playboy mansion It was like Jessica Rabbit had come to life. I was determined to make her mine. She had told me she had “dated’ George Clooney and Bruce Willis but I was what she wanted and I showered her with gifts and trips. But nothing about her was real as I was to find out including her name. Years later she was still looking for ‘Mr GoodBar” …still looking for a man who would treat her like a princess and no longer a choice for movies roles.

When I asked her of all the men who had come into her life wasn’t there one ?. She said she had been engaged 3 times but changed her mind. Mow she sits in a bar in LA paying for yesterday, on Match.com with pictures from 10-15 yrs ago.

The thought now is if I were a up-and-coming actor, you would try to hook up only with A-List female celebrities. It’s like buying $50 million of free advertising.

There are lots of people who tell me they are my friend. They seem to act like friends, but they aren’t really friends. I don’t, and probably won’t ever, share that kind of deep, strong relationship with them.

I have one business relationship who, when he introduces me to people, introduces me as “my close friend, Every time he does so, it makes me uneasy, because we’re not close friends. I’m not sure we’re even friends. Another professional relationship, almost from the day we met, would tell me, “this is the start of a long and close friendship.” He acted like a friend too. He would send me e-mails to say hi, call to chat, and he’d want to hang out when we were in the same city. But when we couldn’t agree on the terms of a formal business relationship, all of a sudden my “new close friend” stopped calling, stopped e-mailing and no longer wanted to spend time with me.

As my life becomes even more public, I meet lots of people and I form genuine friendships with some, but most are just acquaintances or professional relationships. The problem is that there are lots of people who think they know me. They think they are my friends. Yet friendship is too quixotic to be formed by a decision. It’s a feeling more like love. You can’t decide to be friends with someone. You can’t request it. It just happens.

The Facebook is good at connecting people with common interests. We can easily form weak bonds with people online. And those relationships are good and have real value, but strong bonds, trust and deep friendships require physical interaction — and lots of it. I no more believe Rachel McAdams or Anne Hathaway are my friends than I believe I am going to be POPE. I have never met them nor do I expect I will.

But the lesson I learned this week is more of a reminder. I have too often confused the weak bonds I have with people I know with the strong bonds I have with people who are my friends. When I run the names of the people I call “good friends” through this new filter, I realize that I don’t have as many good friends as I thought. And that’s not a bad thing, because the ones I do have I value even more.

Need to know if your from Jersey …here’s some signs

1. You refer to the beach as the shore.

2. You know what a Wawa is, and you know the location of at least 15 of them.

3. You don’t understand why there aren’t more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country.

4. You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.

5. You’ve run out of money on the Parkway.

6. You still haven’t seen that many gardens.

7. You still can’t believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.

8. There are no self serve gas stations.

9. You know what a “jug handle” is.

10. You only go to the “City” for day trips.

11. Route 18 doesn’t freak you out at night.

12. You believe the Statue of Liberty is in NJ.

13. You don’t take any from anybody especially people from New York and Philly, because you live here for christ’s sake and just who the hell do they think they are anyway? Invading our beaches and bars, they are just here for the damn summer and they think they own the damn place.

14. At least three people in your family still listen to Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen and actually seen him play with the E-Street band in the Stone Pony down in Asbury.

15. You know Paramus has 4 major malls within 3 miles of each other.

16. You have mandatory recycling enforced by law.

17. You’ve pondered, “Maybe basketball would be more popular in NJ if the Nets didn’t suck.”

18. In high school you worked at Friendly’s.

19. You’ve spent St. Patrick’s day in Belmar.

20. You have nearly been run over by a Tram Car in Wildwood.

21. You have a grandparent who didn’t move to Florida and retired in Cape May, Ocean Grove, Brick, or Toms River.

22. Donald Trump is mentioned daily in your local newspaper.

23. Your school actually made good Italian”hoagies.”

24. The Jets/Giants game has started fights in your family.

25. You have been waiting the last 10 years for the Yankees to move to the Meadowlands.

26. You can smell when it’s low tide.

27. You own an annual pass to Great Adventure and you had to take the monkey by-pass at the Safari cause your dad had padded-vinyl roof on his car.

28. You say “water” weird.

29. Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in April.

30. You know that ACME is a supermarket, not just a Warner Bros creation.

31. Because your town was founded before 1776, all restaurants, bars, and shops have ‘ye’, ‘olde’, or ‘colonial in their names.

32. You know the myth of the New Jersey devil and you think it lives as Gov Christie

33. You think the Olive Garden is terrible and should never have opened in NJ.

34. You remember when Hoboken was a place not to go not a overpriced resort for Wall Street.

35. There is a fruit and veggie stand down the road.

36. You like vinegar or gravy on your french fries.

Southern Drawl Words Translated for my Fellow New Yorkers

Since I have been to 45 states and all the southern states I thought I would help translate the Southern Drawl Words that have confused us since the beginning. Special Thanks goes to Mel Brooks for the below historical piece that inspired this new language.

The Association of Southern Schools then decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y’allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools.

The following are excerpts from the Y’allbonics/English dictionary thats in production

HEIDI – (noun) -Greeting.

HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage “Heidi, Hire yew?”

BARD – (verb) – Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow. “Usage “My brother bard my pickup truck.”

JAWJUH – (noun) – The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”

BAMMER – (noun) – The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ left $20,000,000 in improvements.”

MUNTS – (noun) – A calendar division. Usage “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”

THANK – (verb) – Cognitive process. Usage “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”

BARE – (noun) – An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”

IGNERT – (adjective) – Not smart. See “Arkansas native.” Usage “Them bammer boys sure are ignert!”

RANCH – (noun) – A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts. Usage “I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”

ALL – (noun) – A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”

FAR – (noun) – A conflagration. Usage “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far.”

TAR – (noun) – A rubber wheel. Usage “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”

TIRE – (noun) – A tall monument. Usage “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”

RETARD – (verb) – To stop working. Usage “My grampaw retard at age 65.”

FAT – (noun), (verb) — a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh.”

RATS – (noun) – Entitled power or privilege. Usage “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”

CHEER – (adverb) In this place. Usage “Just set that bare rat cheer.”

FARN – (adjective) – Not domestic. Usage “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from some farn country.”

DID – (adjective) – Not alive. Usage “He’s did, Jim.”

ARE – (noun) – A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage “He cain’t breathe…give ‘im some ARE!”

BOB WAR – (noun) – A sharp, twisted cable. Usage “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”

JEW HERE – (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”

HAZE – a contraction. Usage “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah…haze ignert. He ain’t thanked but a minnit’n ‘is laf.”

SEED – (verb) — past tense of “to see”.

VIEW – contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage “I ain’t never seed New York City … view?”

GUBMINT – (noun) – A bureaucratic institution. Usage “Them gubmint boys shore is ignert.”

Hollywood Voice Mails and if Tom Cruise and Kiefer Sutherland really went crazy

I had some thoughts tonight.

About 2 yrs ago Morgan Freeman came to help celebrate the opening of one of his restaurants, Pig ‘N Whistle BBQ. He came around and greeted every table and talked with each guest, and everyone was getting their picture taken with him. I had a stroke of genius, though, and had my phone out. When Mr. Freeman reached our table, I asked if he would be so kind as to record a message for me. He said yes. Now I have this on my cell: “This is actor Morgan Freeman, Andrew is away from his phone right now but leave a message and he will call you back, I hope … I hope.” Is there a better choice for voicemail and a specific person to leave it?

So with some creativity I thought who the rest of the Dream Guest Message top five:

2. Jack Nicholson: “This is Jack Nicholson. Andrew isn’t home right now. You’re entitled to leave a message for him. Just know that I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain where he is, especially to someone who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said ‘thank you’ and went on your way. Either way, I don’t give a DAMN what you think you’re entitled to!!!”

3. Al Pacino: “Hi, this is Al Pacino. I don’t know where Andrew is right now. But I do know this. Life is just a game of inches. I am still willing to fight and die for that inch because that is what LIVING is!!! The six inches in front of your face!!!!! Now I can’t make you leave a message. You gotta do it. So wait for the beep.”

4. Buffalo Bill: (Silence of the Lambs) “This is Jame Gumb answering Andrews cell phone. Andrews not here. (Long pause.) Is this a great big fat person?”

5. Gene Hackman: “This is Gene Hackman for Andrews cell phone. There’s a tradition with phone messages to not talk about the return message until you’ve left the initial one. I’m sure leaving a message on Andrew” cell phone is beyond your wildest dreams, so let’s just keep it right there. Don’t worry about winning or losing with this message. If you put your effort and concentration into playing to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don’t care what the scoreboard says at the end of this message, in my book we’re gonna be winners! All right? (Sound of a slow clap in the background.) OK? (Clapping gets louder.) Lemme hear it!!!!! (Everyone cheers, followed by a beep.)

Question: Isn’t the fate of Paul Crewe after defying the warden In the Longest Yard, undoubtedly one of the best (if not the best) unanswered questions in cinematic history?

Answer: It’s cracks my top five along “Shawshank” (what happened after they reunited?), “Breakfast Club” (what happened on Monday?), “Good Will Hunting” (what happened when he made it to California?) and the obvious No. 1 choice … what happened after Shelley Duvall and her son escaped the Overlook Hotel in “The Shining”? When they reached the police station, did she tell them the whole story? So my husband, he was slowly going insane because of all the ghosts in the hotel, and then he finally snapped and tried to kill us with the ax, and the ballroom turned into cobwebs, and 45,000 gallons of blood poured out of the elevator, and then my husband chased our son into the giant maze … wait, why aren’t you writing this down?

People who make me wonder
1. Tom Cruise
When he’s gone completely insane. I’m prepared for anything – Cruise turning Katie Holmes into the next Patty Hearst, committing a string of bank robberies, like the movie Dick and Jane.. trying to acquire nuclear weapons, running amok on the red carpet of “Mission Impossible” with an M-80, you name it. Or, nothing could happen. But it’s safe to say that the ceiling has officially been removed for Tom Cruise.

2. Kiefer Sutherland
He’s been playing Jack Bauer for too long – you can almost picture him sitting by himself in a Denny’s at 3 a.m., screaming things at the waitress like, “Find me a breakfast menu now!” and “Where’s the maple syrup? I’m only going to ask you one more time. Where’s the maple syrup?!

Question: If you were a male stripper, what song would you dance to?

Answer: “Picture Me Rollin'” by Tupac. That’s my answer for everything: male stripper song, cell-phone ring, song for my major league at-bat, music for my somber highlight package if I died, my entrance for a boxing match, you name it. It’s a song that fits any scenario — past, present or future —

Thought: I fully expect that after Roger Clemens either gets off or goes to jail in his press conference, he will take off his cap and will pull back his hair – revealing an identical 666 burned into his scalp; thus fulfilling the prophecy. This will immediately be followed by all the reporters in the room melting away, with their bones exploding like in “Raiders of the Lost

The best part about this would be Wilbon and Kornheiser discussing the incident on PTI the following day.

Kornheiser: “All right, Wilbon, some sad news last night, we found out that Roger Clemens was indeed the anti-Christ, as nearly 50 reporters – including some of the best this business had to offer – were melted to death after the prophecy was fulfilled.

Wilbon, you were there, but you were able to get out of the room in time … how does this affect Roger Clemens’ legacy?

Wilbon: “Oh, it absolutely affects his legacy! There’s no question! Tony, he killed 50 media members! He melted them to death!”

Kornheiser: “But he’s still the greatest pitcher of the last 50 years!”

Wilbon: “Tony, he’s the anti-Christ!”

Kornheiser: “I don’t see how that affects his Hall of Fame resume – 353 wins, over 4,500 strikeouts, 7 Cy Youngs … ”

Wilbon: “Tony, he’s a mass murderer! Pete Rose isn’t in the Hall of Fame for gambling on baseball, this guy melted 50 people! He almost killed me!”

Kornheiser: “Well, that shouldn’t affect what he accomplished on the field. Ty Cobb wasn’t a nice guy either. Now Moving to the NBA Lockout … ”

Thought: How hilarious would it be if President Obama doesnt get reelected and he pardoned O.J.???!!! I just think that would be a great ending to a rough 4 yrs…. He’d go out with a bang. Or if he gets get reelected and had a Samuel Jackson moment like in the movie “Snakes on a Plane” and jettison Rush Limbaugh off Air Force One.

This idea slayed me for some reason — not the premise as much as how everyone would react to the news. I think it would make Sean Hannitty of Fox News self-combust. He’d just explode like a hot-air balloon.

Just some thoughts for tonight

How to survive living in Texas and Texas Women

Living in Texas as I did as I did for 2 yrs as a transplanted New Yorker it was quite literally life on Mars. Stunned into silence like Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes. I learned my ways until I was able to survive and head back to the Motherland…the Bronx. I escaped to live another day. But if you do have to go to Texas I hope the lessons below will help you survive.

1. If you do run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean They can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.

3. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

4. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

5. Remember: “Y’all” is singular. “All y’all” is plural. “All y’all’s” is plural possessive.

6. Get used to hearing, “You ain’t from around here, are you?”

7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this!” Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

9. Get used to the phrase “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”. And the collateral phrase “You call this hot? Wait’ll August.”

10. There are no delis. Don’t ask.

11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man’s shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.

12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.

13. Brisket is not ‘cooked’ in an oven

14. Don’t tell them how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

15. If you think it’s too hot, don’t worry. It’ll cool down-in December.

16. They have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!

17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is.

18. If someone tells you “Don’t worry, those peppers aren’t hot” you can be certain they are.

19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won’t do it.

20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don’t ask.

21. If someone says they’re “fixin” to do something, that doesn’t mean anything’s broken.

22. Don’t even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is ‘Margarita.’

23. If you don’t understand their passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.

24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called “courtesy”.

26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

27. No matter what you’ve seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.

28. “Tea” = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

30. You better learn the way of the Cowboys. If you don’t your life will be like the last Human in ‘The Walking Dead’ Chances of
survival are not good

31. Most of all be wary of the Texas woman. Not only are they beautiful but their tears are like a Love Potion. Its in the
water. That’s why they say “don’t drink the water in Texas” or was that Mexico. I forget….still haven’t recovered fully
from that Texas heat yet….sorry

Trying to date New Jerseys 1’st Lady.. Anne Hathaway or any JerseyGirl? … you need to know this

Thanks to the recent popularity of Anne Hathaway, the shows, The Jersey Housewives and The Jersey Shore, even though, as any true Jersey resident will tell you, those over-tanned rave muppets come from New York, (as a New Yorker I bow my head) it is coming in vogue to associate romantically with with anything Jersey . To the uninitiated, embarking on a relationship with a Jersey girl can be a complex and confusing experience especially if she is Italian. Fear not pasta fans, what follows is a handy guide to help you navigate the complex social mores and all-important eating customs of the Jersey sect.

Food:

–You will never be able to cook certain dishes as good as your Jerseys mom/aunt/grandmother. Don’t bother to attempt her specialty.

–“Gravy” is a catch-all term at the dinner table which can mean the red stuff on pasta or the thick brown goop on Thanksgiving turkeys, and possibly any sauce in between.

–Any meal or family gathering after 1:00 P.M. will probably be accompanied with booze, because coffee is served around the clock. It is extremely rude to offer neither beverage. The average blood stream content is 70% of either substance, depending on time of day.

–No matter when or how short your visit to the Jersey home, the family will attempt to feed you, feed you more, insist you have dessert, and send you off with leftovers and another type of food.

subtly ask your Jersey Girl how to properly eat your dish; they laugh at you if you eat something cold that’s meant to be hot or vice-versa.

–If you take any less than 3 helpings at a meal, you will be mocked as a lightweight. If you take less than 2, you’re insulting the cook. Roll with the punches and enjoy the reversal from average society.

–The strategy to proper eating is counter-intuitive. Rather than fasting for 2 days before the family meal to be able to cram down the anticipated 5 pounds of food, eat a large meal the night before and then snack constantly with your Jersey Girl throughout the day of to stretch your stomach to the necessary size.

–Dessert is a must. Plan your portion control accordingly.

–The dish “spaghetti” is rarely heard because, unlike everyone else, the Jersey will refer to it by the accented name of the specific noodle, and it turns out that spaghetti is a wimp noodle not good for much. “Penne,” “rotini,” and “campanelle” can all equate to the same food with the only difference being noodle shape.

–People are going to ask, “Can I try some of that?” then eat off of your plate regardless. On a related note, plates are going to be passed back and forth from one side of the table to the other at the far end. Don’t look annoyed.

Etiquette Tips:

–Kissing on at least one cheek is the standard greeting, even for people you’ve met once, never really met, or people you’d rather not touch.

–Get used to regional accents; words you think you know may randomly drop letters or sound completely different. For example: “COFF-ee” versus “CAU-fee”. On a similar note, heavily accented Italian words will be dropped at random into otherwise typical American sentences and no one thinks this is pretentious.

–Any use of the Southern vernacular word “y’all” will cause initial widespread strange looks.

–Expect family dinner conversations to include a minimum of 2 arguments varying from loud to ridiculously loud.

–Ease into talking about your favorite sports team, or be prepared to defend it to the death; inevitably your team’s rival will be a family member’s favorite ; they will bring it up every time they see you for years until you switch allegiances or die of old age.

–Gigantic immediate families with many people named after each other is the norm. Develop a nickname system to distinguish namesakes apart, like “big Mike” and “scrawny Mike” or “the Waste Management uncle.”

–Resist the extreme urge to make mob jokes, or at least be wary. You never know whose cousin’s mom’s husband might work for whom. Back away slowly if you’re the only one laughing.

–You can make Jersey jokes, but only after the natives have, to avoid angering everyone.

–If you’re invited on vacation, remember you’re going “down the shore” as opposed to “the beach”. Don’t go in the water when you’re there.

–No matter how you wear it or your particular Jersey Girls tastes, the makeup and hairstyle will seem drab compared to some relation of his who could compete with drag queens in expertise and styling. Ask her to consider extra eyeliner just to stay in the same ballpark.

–Crazy children flock together and run amuck at family gatherings. Watch your feet and your head. They throw things.

–Be on the lookout for eraser-phrases, as they are followed by the funniest bits of conversation you will hear. For example, “We love him, but…” or “…, no disrespect though.” It’s the Jersey equivalent of the Southern eraser-phrase “Bless his heart, but…” These are usually followed by hilarious embarrassing stories like, “…the last time he tried that he ended up with pink hair, his eyebrows burnt off, and was terrified of wind for weeks.”

Most importantly if you hear the phrases ” Lets go for a Ride ” or ‘take the Canolli.. Leave the Gun” ….one word of advice that came from my Jersey friends.
….RUN….FORREST…RUN

All these things you will have to know if you are trying to get a date with Anne Hathaway or any Jersey Girl. I wish you well GrassHoppers in your dangerous journey

You dont cheat on your wife or Girlfriend …there are no exceptions

The reality is that not all men cheat. I know this because I am man who doesn’t cheat and I know many other men who don’t. I am writing this so women can understand the effects of believing that all men cheat has on them and how to address that distorted view of men. First I will address why men don’t cheat.

Most people like to talk about why men cheat. The truth is the opportunity is there for all men to cheat. Trust me on that one. My concern isn’t why men cheat just like I don’t think worrying about why people steal only will solve thievery. I think what will help better us is if women learn why the men who don’t cheat avoid the temptation then they will be able to identify them better and date them. Here is a list of things I believe are characteristics of men who don’t cheat.

To them it is STUPID because of the risks. They may have had a friend or family member who had been harmed physically because of a bad love triangle experience. Now these men may not tell the women they are with voluntarily but if you ask them they may tell you. These men may not have had a lot of girlfriends and may have married early.

It is disrespectful to the person they are dating and to themselves. The men are very moral and mature. They maybe deeply religious or socially conscious and committed to something greater than themselves. While some men may say “Baby cheating is disrespectful” as a simple line the men who really feel this way will not have problems with sharing their daily activities and friendship circles with the women their dating.

They don’t know how to do it without it being disrespectful or getting caught. Even though this is a sad excuse but some men just don’t know how to be sneaky. Just like stealing there are people who know how to steal but don’t. There are those who just don’t know how to steal and don’t do it because they know they will get caught. This is a weak reason but it is still a reason. In reality some men cheat on their girlfriends and wives because they can get away with it. More than likely cheating is not the only thing they can do without people knowing it.

They are in a relationship, which is nurturing and respectful. Happiness is a real reason to not cheat. Men and women who are unhappy in their relationship are more likely to cheat than people who are in happy relationships.

They are mature and experienced with women and don’t feel they are missing anything in other women. This is a sentiment I hear a lot of older men share. I often hear older men giving advice to younger men that they are not missing out on anything. So, it’s safe to say that this belief is something they have had throughout their married life. This is one of the issues I take with these grown playboys and philandering bachelors. They claim to be so smart and educated but yet they can’t commit to a woman. To me they aren’t mature men they are little boys with no discipline. I’m willing to say that these men who lack this type of maturity lack it in other parts of their character.

They have made a conscious decision to be with the woman they are with. Men who have this feeling are able to make other firm decisions. When these people make these type of decisions they are very clear about them. They either hold the commitment of marriage very dear to them and/or they seriously value having a wife. They are very clear on why they love the woman they are with. Clear about why they choose the woman they choose. They may not have dated a lot of other women. They should be able to explain what was wrong with each of their past girlfriends. Since, they might not have dated a lot of women they may feel lucky to have found the one they married. I can count on both hands the women I have dated and still have several fingers free
.
It is against their beliefs and they knew what they where getting into when they entered into a relationship. This is a feeling of many men. For men who believe cheating is wrong they have no problem telling people. These are the strong men of the family and community. The live their lives like a role model, like an example for others. These men will tell anyone about marriage and commitment without even being asked.

They had a healthy dating experience and found a person they could spend their life with. This is a feeling that men have when they are head over their heels in love. Men don’t cheat when they feel like this. Not every person feels this way but some do. These are special people. We should all have dating experiences which are fruitful like this.

They aren’t presented with the opportunity to cheat. This is sad but true. Some men just don’t go to places or put themselves in environments were they think they can get away with an act of infidelity. They don’t travel for business or anywhere by themselves. They don’t have women they can cheat with. They don’t have women around them who want to be with them. Now this doesn’t mean that all men who travel cheat. Hell no. Nor does it mean that men who have a lot of women who want to be with them will cheat. It just means that some men don’t cheat because they don’t have an opportunity to cheat.

They think about the outcome of physical intimacy. Some men value their lives and are comfortable to be where they are. They have worked hard to be where they are and don’t want to mess it up. Maybe they pay child support already and don’t want to pay more. Maybe they are scared of catching a disease. Men can even be scared of attracting a fatal attraction. They may have had a bad experience or witnessed a women go Carrie Underwood on them

Or maybe its just like my old Rutgers University Professor, the late Cary McWilliams told me one day. A real man cannot define himself by women. If you are a man then you base your manhood in the world of men. What he meant was how you measured up to other men by your laughter, your knowledge, your dreams, your ambition and most of all how you take care of the woman in your life and the children you bring into the world. If you base your manhood on how many women you have been with, or hope to be with then you will never find happiness. Why?. Its because there is always somebody you can’t or never will be with.

Or would you rather be scared straight

Hollywood and the Harvard announce a new degree … Spin Doctors

MEACULPA, MA – With the calendar turning to the 2012 ELECTION , America’s elite universities and Hollywood recognize an urgent need to update educational offerings to meet the ever changing demands of the marketplace. The biggest change, led by Ivy League presidents in response to the biggest events of the past decade, will be the launch of brand new Spin Doctorate (Sp.D.) degree programs.

The most critically needed skill set exposed by recent crises is that of saving face after a disaster, at both individual and group levels. The decade offered plenty of historical debacles as learning opportunities: the 9/11 terrorist attacks, pantyless starlet meltdowns, Hurricane Katrina, numerous celebrity marriage infidelities, the weapons of mass destruction war in Iraq, the New York Mets, and so on.

The nascent Sp.D. programs’ in-depth studies of key individuals’ behaviors closely connected to these disasters, both good and bad, before and after, will prepare tomorrow’s Spin Doctors to strategically navigate all post-crisis minefields, ensure positive outcomes, and allow their clients to enjoy uninterrupted career and personal success.

Those students emerging from these cutting edge Sp.D. educations will have mastered several important “How To” areas, including: how to legally skirt the truth, identify a scapegoat, feign a sincere apology, exploit words and language, distort facts, cover a paper trail, negate an electronic trail, fully control interviews, manipulate the media, launch a distracting counter-offensive, and create positive hype.

Having fully developed these powerful abilities, new Sp.D. graduates will then possess the savvy necessary to mentor America’s loftiest career professionals—be they S&P 500 executives, state or federal politicians, hot dog vendors, TV, movie, or sports stars.

Most importantly, all clients of these new Spin Doctors will then have free rein to engage in any of mankind’s most hedonistic and irresponsible behaviors, confident that their Sp.D. advisers’ fallout-control skills will ensure untainted emergence from even the ugliest of potential scandals. For that, the world’s rich and famous will pay tidy sums indeed.

Competition for acceptance into these elite new Ivy League Sp.D. programs is expected to be fierce. Ironically, traditionally coveted law, medical, and business school attendance will soon be regarded as mere fallback options as the nation’s very best and brightest students pursue these far more lucrative Spin Doctorate degrees. The career earning potential of these elite Spin Doctors is truly enormous, with countless monied idiots, jerks, horndogs, and head-cases constantly in need of urgent bail-outs.

The Ivy League presidents especially wish to thank Kanye West, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan Dina Lohan, John Edwards, Britney Spears, David Letterman, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Dick Cheney, Roman Polanski, Lil Wayne, Mark Sanford, and Tiger Woods, along with so many others, for their leading roles in development of this new curricula. America’s future has never been brighter.

NASCAR announces new race…. The Labor Day Jersey Drive-By Shootout and other Breaking News

CHARLOTTE – In what is certain to become the ultimate test for its cars and drivers, NASCAR today announced the addition of a new event to begin next year, the Labor Day Jersey Drive-By Shootout. Having long sought to increase interest and gain stock car racing fans in the densely populated Northeast, this new NASCAR event will be held right on the New Jersey Turnpike. Starting at the foot of the Delaware Memorial Bridge at the southern Turnpike terminus, the race will scream straight up the highway to East Rutherford, where the cars will loop through the toll plaza before storming back south. Racers will then repeat the circuit, making the total length 450 miles.

To add breathtaking excitement and a dose of reality TV to the race, the Turnpike will remain open to normal car and truck traffic during the event. Since normal Turnpike speeds average close to that of the NASCAR Car of Tomorrow’s top speeds, experts expect super-exciting side-by-side racing. And with your typical NJ driver’s finely honed, aggressive driving skills—rapid lane changes, passing in breakdown lanes, bump and run, incredible acceleration—NASCAR drivers figure to face a white-knuckle task of trying to pick their way through and pass the New Jersey natives in their natural element.

To lessen the chances that a major traffic jam slows the race to a crawl, and since NASCAR fans so love night racing (all day to lube up), the event will begin at 1:00 a.m. on Labor day. Since those late hours also coincide with the Turnpike’s average top speeds, fans then can expect wide open, pedal-to-the-metal racing.

New Jersey soccer moms, truckers, and Goodfellas alike are thrilled to get the chance to go up against the NASCAR big boys on their home Garden State turf. Between now and Sept 4, race promoters expect excitement and public relations buzz to explode as Turnpike regulars optimize their vehicles and passing reflexes during their daily Turnpike commutes in gearing up for the big event.

NASCAR’s drivers, however, are worried as hell at the possibility of total mayhem with locals sharing the road during a race. Kyle Bush, arguably NASCAR’s most aggressive driver, voiced his fears. “I’m scared to death. I’m sure I’ll piss my pants the first time a Jersey Princess with her big hair comes flying up behind me in her minivan. I just know I’ll get run over or she’ll put me into the wall.”

Yessiree, Bob. Should be a thrilling race. NASCAR should gain legions of new Yankee racing fans by including them in the race, and the world will finally find out how good them NASCAR boys really are.

BREAKING NEWS…..BREAKING NEWS…..BREAKING NEWS…..BREAKING NEWS…..BREAKING NEWS…..BREAKING NEWS…..BREAKING NEWS…..