Warning to men. How I almost lost my life shopping at Costco

It started out innocently enough.  I was asked to go to the store because we were low on shampoo. No biggie.  Quick errand.  I’ll be back in time for the start of the baseball game.  My mistake was listening to my girl when she asked me to go to COSTCO with her .

The second I entered the behemoth warehouse, I was overcome by the allure of wall-to-wall gigantic flat screen Hi-Def TVs showing exotic tropical waterfalls. Some in 3-D. Ooh! I noticed a sign that said if you buy the home theater sound system package, you can get a 65” flat screen HDTV for only $850 more. What a bargain. So I added an LG 65″ Class 3D 1080p 120Hz LED HDTV with 4 Pairs of 3D Glasses to my flatbed cart.

As I was lugging my cart towards the shampoo aisle, I couldn’t help but notice the festive Christmas tree display. An 8-ft Pre-Lit Clear Mixed Country Artificial Pine Christmas Tree complete with 800 Clear Dura-Lit Mini-lights for $20 off! Think how much I will save by buying it now before the holiday season. Plus, I’d be doing my part to save the world’s endangered commercial tree farms. So I wedged the tree in between the TV and the sound system and continued on my merry way.

I almost made it to the shampoo aisle when I noticed a commotion to my left. There was this fruit juicer demonstration, where the pitchman was transforming what looked to be kiwi fruit, bananas and Lego blocks into a delicious fruit smoothie in seconds. Wow! But this wasn’t just any juicer. This was the Vitamix 5200 Ultimate Juicer & Blender, on sale TODAY ONLY for just $649.99. I know what you’re thinking – isn’t that a bit steep for a juicer? Not when I tell you that it comes with a lifetime warranty on everything but the blade and the motor, and they even throw in a juicer recipe DVD. So, I added it to the cart.

And what’s better after a vigorous workout than a cold beer? That’s why I also had to get the Wine Enthusiast N’FINITY 340-bottle Multi-temp Glass Door Wine Cellar – a must have for only $2,999.99. Okay, I admit I don’t drink wine – or beer for that matter – but I’m fairly sure it could easily double as a fruit/vegetable crisper, which I will have plenty of, now that I bought the Vitamix 5200 juicer machine.

As I lugged my growing series of flatbed carts through the store, I happened upon the garden center display. I have to tell you that all-weather wrought iron patio set with collapsible umbrella looked so summery. But I was not about to succumb to that temptation – not when I already owned two other patio sets from previous trips to Costco. No, I realized that a much wiser investment would be the Easy Grow 8′ x 8′ Greenhouse with double doors and three vents for just $1,299.99. I actually had never thought about taking up horticulture until precisely that instant. But then I realized: what a wonderful hobby to do with my girl  when we retire 11 years from now. She will respect that I am planning ahead. Into the cart it went.

I’m not sure how long this buying contagion lasted. It was all a bit of a blur. One incredible bargain after another: a two-in-one gas-powered tiller-mulcher (for that exquisitely thatched lawn). Then there was the twelve-month supply of Huggies disposable diapers. I know my kid is all grown up. But the savings were too great to pass up.

I kept adding more items to more flatbed carts. It wasn’t until I got out of the store and noticed I had somehow also managed to purchase a Dayton brand Solid Wood Casket with an off-white, full-velvet interior and gold-plated swing bar handles that I suspected I might have gone a bit overboard. Okay, so I’d gone completely out of control. But I figured a casket might actually come in quite handy in the very near future, because, with everything I’d bought today, for sure my girl was going to kill me.

Shopping at Costco can be a dangerous adventure for any  male. As I sit here, writing about my reckless Costco buying binge, I have this nagging feeling that despite everything I bought, I still forgot something. For the life of me, I can’t think of what it might be….

Oh, damn. Shampoo.  Shes definitely gonna Kill me now.

On Veterans Day A poem a soldier wrote on the death of another man

nochancepappy webblog

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” -John Fitzgerald Kennedy

“I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, ‘Mother, what was war?'” -Eve Merriam

This is one of the most touching poems you will read about the anguish any soldier or person inflicts upon himself when in war, when he causes the death of another. Being as I was Iraq/Somalia and Kosovo as a US Army Special Forces soldier this was a reality and a fear that we all held. I remember vividly like it was yesterday seeing a soldier blown to pieces 20 yds from me.

I pray everyday I will never have to embrace this kind of horror again, but I stood ready as we trained to. I know a lot of men and woman who have had to…

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Learn from a Hustler and write your own paycheck

Once, I heard a non-hustler say, “I can’t live on the money my company pays me.” This person felt his company owed him enough money to meet the standard of living he had set for himself.

Another time, a non-hustler said to me, “No one paid for my college, so I didn’t get to go.” This non-hustler took no responsibility for making his own way through college, believing it was his parents’ obligation to foot the bill. Like most non-hustlers, these two had a strong sense of entitlement.

Hustlers, on the other hand, know no one owes them anything. They believe they can have anything they desire by doing the work necessary to obtain it, whether it’s a material possession or something more important, such as a meaningful relationship, personal growth and a contribution to their communities. Because they don’t feel entitled, hustlers do the work.

Because hustlers do not feel a sense of entitlement, they don’t wait around for someone to pay them what they’re worth. Hustlers don’t resent their bosses or companies for not paying them more. Instead, they make their contribution, take on responsibility and hold themselves accountable for producing greater results.

For truly great success, you must know what it is you need to do. No one else can show you…

The non-hustler becomes resentful if he doesn’t receive more money. He gets angry and stews, looking around for others to validate his conviction that he is owed something.

Hustlers don’t feel that anything they lack is something they’re due. They don’t believe it’s anyone else’s responsibility to educate them. They don’t miss the trust funds they were never given. Hustlers don’t blame any past deprivation for their current circumstances. To the hustler, the lack of something he desires is simply fuel for his passion to go out and get it.

No one owes you anything—not your parents, your government, your school system, your society, your employer. Believing this will liberate you from the prison of entitlement and empower you to act on your own behalf.

If you want to be successful, you must observe this one important rule: Let no one ever tell you what your paycheck should be.

If someone has to tell you what your goals are, then the only goals you’ll have are someone else’s.
If someone has to tell you what your major responsibilities are, then you aren’t doing enough to be as successful as you could be.
If someone has to remind you what you need to do, you’re likely failing yourself.
If someone has to tell you what to do, then you’re squandering the gift of being human and wasting your initiative, resourcefulness, creativity and determination.

If you work for someone else, develop your own goals and define what success means beyond what your company needs you to do. Seek out new responsibilities, take it upon yourself to find out what needs to be done and do it. Be so proactive that no one will ever dare tell you what to do. Do all these things and you will soon find yourself in a leadership role.

If you want to be an entrepreneur, own your own company and do your own thing, there won’t be anyone there to tell you what to do. Until you develop the ability to do what is necessary without being told, you aren’t ready to strike out on your own. Until you are willing to do what must be done—even when you absolutely don’t want to do it—you’ll never reach the level of success of which you are capable.

Would you like to know the secret to success? It’s taking 100 percent responsibility for everything you experience in your life. This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings—everything! This is not easy to do.

In fact, most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside ourselves for the parts of our lives we don’t like. We tend to blame our parents, our bosses, our friends, our co-workers, our clients, our spouses, the weather, the economy, our astrological charts, our poor finances—anyone or anything on which we can pin the blame. We never want to look at where the real problem lies: ourselves.

If you want to create the life of your dreams, then you must take 100 percent responsibility for your life as it is right now. That means giving up all your excuses, all your victim stories, all the reasons why you can’t do something and why you haven’t done something up until now and all your need to blame outside circumstances. You have to give them all up…forever.

You must take the position that you have always had the power to make it different, to get it right, to produce the desired results. For whatever reason (ignorance, lack of awareness, fear, needing to be right, needing to feel safe) you have chosen not to exercise that power. Who knows why? It really doesn’t matter. The past is the past. All that matters now is that from this point forward you will choose—that’s right, it’s a choice—to act as if (that’s all that’s required: to act as if) you are 100 percent responsible for everything that does or does not happen to you

If something doesn’t turn out as planned, you will ask yourself “How did I create that? What thoughts did I have to bring this about? What were my beliefs? What did I say or not say? What did I do or not do to create that result? How did I get the other person to act that way? What do I need to do differently next time to get the result I want?”

Here’s an exercise to help you do that. Answer each question as honestly as you can:

What is a difficult or troubling situation in your life?
How are you creating it or allowing it to happen?
What are you pretending not to know?
What is the payoff for keeping things the way they are?
What would you rather be experiencing?
What actions will you take to create that?
By what date will you take that action?

It’s easy to blame someone or something else for the disappointments you face in life. But by owning every aspect of your life, you are simply recognizing that the power to create the life you’ve dreamed of has been yours all along.

Learn from everyone; seek out good advice; model yourself on those you admire—but let no one tell you how much you are worth. Write your own paycheck

They even made a show about Cowboy Fans in Texas. Its called the ‘Walking Dead’

When I travel I usually wear Armani or Ralph Lauren suits. Its just the way I want to look  in case I meet Anne Hathaway in her Catwoman Suit…. ahhh  Anne in the words of Marlon Brando ” I could have been a contenda”   

But before I start  I do have one question for my Tex-Mex Cowboy fans.  If you saw Jerry Jones and Rick Perry sinking boat with only you to help  …what kind of sandwich would you make ?????   

 I digress…back to the issue.

 I am constantly perplexed every time I go to Texas by the Texas Trifecta: cowboy hat, big belt buckle, cowboy boots. I mean, on one hand I get it. I lived in Texas.   Big belt buckles are shiny, almost hypnotically so.  Cowboy hats can apparently hold 10 gallons of water. And, boots? Well, let’s just say “tennis-shoe scootin’ boogie” wouldn’t sound the same. Moreover, I understand that it’s fun to play dress-up, and also that if you are a farmer/rancher, this is the uniform. What I don’t get is why I see dudes (it’s almost always dudes) in compact cars wearing cowboy hats. I’m pretty sure most are either on their way to school or a white-collar office job. I also see people dressed like this at the grocery store, for no apparent reason. So, what’s up with the get-up?

You know how when you’re at the store, and you see a guy wearing a certain kind of athletic shoes and track pants or whatever, and you know that dude probably runs marathons or at least wants people to think he does? That is what Texan men are doing when they wear the get-up to H-E-B. It’s like a mating signal that’s not just a mating signal, because it’s also for dudes, and everybody knows there are no gays in Texas, most of all Texans, who now inexplicably support gay marriage.

The get-up says: I am a Texan, and I dare you to argue with me on point with the big-assed hat while I pass you going 55 mph in the right lane. It works well for picking up ladies at the honky-tonk, , but it also works for helping Texans maintain their connection to the  Texas heritage while they are driving what I  believe is the emasculating import scooter-car or participating in horribly shameful activities like buying food, or anything that isn’t roping cattle out on the range or wherever it is cattle get roped.

 Of course, driving a sensible sedan or buying tomatoes isn’t actually going to make your balls fall off, but here in Texas, they seem to care less about facts and more about things that are not facts.

 Fundamentally, it’s about the performance of a particular kind of Texanity, like most fashion choices associated with particular groups or cliques. But it’s also important to remember, and I think most do, that most of these kinds of fashion performances are rooted in practicality — those little cotton athletic shorts that popular teenaged girls have in fifty colors got started because they’re easy to wear when you’re cheer-leading and to mix-and-match with team colors.

Interestingly, however, the Texas get-up is one of the few fashion endeavors learned in childhood and adolescence that Texans continue to wear throughout their lives. Eventually, most people grow, literally or figuratively, out of their wide-legged Jnco’s or neon leg-warmers. Again, this is because there’s an actual reason cowboys wear cowboy gear. (Notably different from Cowboy gear, which you wear unless you want to get your ass kicked because Jesus, God, Cowboys, all live in Texas ….when are you going to get it together people?).  I mean they even made a show about  Cowboy Fans.   Its called the ‘Walking Dead’

 In Texas–scratch that, in America, and I think France also because those people are a little weird about things–the romanticize of the cowboy begins practically at birth, and Texas is one of the few places left on earth where you might actually grow up to be a cowboy or meet one regularly.

 Therefore, it’s acceptable to dress like a 6-year-old in Halloween garb even if you are 60 and gunning your Geo Storm down I-35 to pick up milk. Maybe, just maybe, someone will think you’re a real cowboy and reward you with sex or beer.

Also good on you for correctly and enthusiastically using the phrase “get-up”! Welcome to Texas! Next, try integrating into your vocabulary another sartorial descriptor, “drawrrn,” which is what Texans wear for underpants.)

 I’m just afraid that if I say “I miss New York”  while I am down here for a day  someone is going to smash my car windows and steal the radio.   

 

The lessons of Failure that lead to Success

When I was in L.A. at Fox Studios I was reminded of one thing.  Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame anybody for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents or the Government for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise  anybody for experiencing  poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have  been poor, and I  agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience.   Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticized only by fools.

What I feared most for myself was not poverty, but failure.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what makes up failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere ten years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. A series of exceptionally short-lived relationships had imploded, and I was jobless, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern the U.S without being homeless. The fears that my parents had for me, and that I had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be since represented a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope and not a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive.   And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.

Now you might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and  the fount of all invention and innovation. In it’s arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life was living in Germany  Though I was in the Military I volunteered my time by working at the African research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to speak against their governments. Visitors to our offices included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had left.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was then, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him back to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just had to give him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week,  I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

In every War, very day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or support power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard, and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International and in the Military than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilizes thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creäture on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathize.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to stay comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.  They can claim the President is the reason their lives are a failure, never seeing the collective reason why we are sliding into a rabbit hole for the fault lies not in the stars but in ourselves.      

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the willfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped change. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise,  enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we colluded with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

My  travels in the  military allowed me see the wonders if the universe.  Whether in Germany or Spain  …whether in Korea or China  whether in Montana or in NYC  you see the best that people have to offer.  How wonderful  it is though that no one has to wait a single moment to make the world a better place.   

Imagine if all the men and women who gave so much of themselves to this country didn’t have to be Homeless. Last year it was reported close to 250 thousand men and women who served were homeless.  

Imagine if we didn’t have to hear about stories a 5 year old child who was dying and the insurance company refused to pay anymore for his medicine because they said “It cost to much”.   Or the  Golden Gate  which was closed down because of repairs that cost to much.  

In 20 yrs will we be traveling on worse roads  Will water be clean …will China be the leading manufacturer of  Solar panel and will we be traded  for another hostage with companies American and foreign, that in many cases wish us anything but good?

The answers to these questions depends on a great many things I lived in Europe for 5 yrs  The infrastructure compared to ours. We’re moving along in the equivalent of a Ford Pinto  with bridges rotting and falling down, while other nations, our competitors in the global economy, are building efficient, high-speed, high-performance  platforms to power their 21st-century

We used to be smarter than this but  Washington all but gave up thinking. America’s infrastructure, education and people, once the finest in the world, has been neglected for decades.  We’ve become stupid about this.

Much of the nation’s rail is approaching the tail end of its useful life. If you’ve flown anywhere recently, you know what a nightmare that can be. To the extent that we have any  all, , often doing more harm than good as it serves the interests of politicians who are crazy for pork and not the real needs of the American public.

You can’t thrive as a nation while New Orléans is drowning, and Detroit is being beaten into oblivion decade after decade, and a bridge in Minneapolis is collapsing into the Mississippi River, and cities in upstate New York and the Rust Belt are rotting from lack of employment opportunities, and so on.

Imagine, instead, an America with rebuilt, healthy, dynamic metropolitan areas, and gleaming new port facilities, and networks of high-speed rail, an America with electric vehicles and a smart grid and energy generated by the power of the sun and wind and water and the ocean’s waves. Imagine if the children of today’s toddlers had access to world-class public schools all across the nation and a higher education system that is both first-rate and affordable.

Imagine if we set out seriously to do all this.

I have one last hope for everybody,  The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life.  At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for President.

So today, I wish you nothing better than similar friendships. Unless you meet them Facebook friends are not real friends nor following Movie Stars will make you part of their lives. Its like saying going to church makes you religious or standing in your garage makes you a car.   Tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:

“As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.”

How to be in the Diamond Club of Winners

Contingency plans are unnecessary. I am not making plans for failure because I am not planning to fail . Diamond mentally is very simple . Contingency PLANS ARE UNNECESSARY . You CANNOT LET ANYBODY STEAL YOUR DREAM . YOU ARE IN A BATTLE . AND THEY WANT TO STEAL IT ..they want to keep you where you are at. You have got to be willing to fight.

You need to remember , If you want to be understood by 2 % of the nation You will be misunderstood by the 98% . Some of you are already eliminated because you are worried by what other people think

But you see to be part of the 2 % you need to step out of the comfort zone, the decision has to be made that you are a diamond.
YOU wont look back , let up slow up or back away . Your past is forgotten , Your present is focused , Your future is secure . You are finished and done with low living sidewalk people , cheap excises and dwarf goals . You no longer need preeminence, position , promotion , promised or popularity . You don’t have to be praised regarded or awarded. You died to the self centered ego driven limp lifestyle . You live by faith , learn by submitting , labor by love , lead by example . Your dream is developed, Your decision is definite , your decision and desire determined, your pace is fast and set , your road is narrow , your way is tough. Your purpose is clear
YOU cannot be brought compromised detoured lured away , turned back deluded ,delayed or denied .You will not flinch in the face of sacrifice ; hesitate in the presence of the adversary; negotiate at the table of failure ; ponder in the pool of popularity or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

You wont give up , shut up, let up, till you stayed up , paid up and stood up .
You must fight when others faint , go where others wont , give till you drop, teach and work till the task is finished . and when YOU lie exhausted on the playing field of the dreamers . The diamond club of winners wont have any trouble recognizing YOU as one of their own

The Rules of a Gentleman

No.1 – Run with her on the beach.

No.2 – Give her your sweater when she’s cold.

No.3 – Never talk about other girls infront of her.

No.4 – Learn to play the guitar for her.

No.5 – Comfort her when she’s scared.

No.6 – Watch the sunset with her.

No.7 – If she can’t sleep, read her a bedtime story.

No.8 – If you get in a fight with her and she starts crying, just stop and hold her.

No.9 – Never force her to do anything.

No.10 – Call her beautiful, especially when she least expects it.

No.11 – Never let her walk home alone.

No.12 – Play with her hair when she’s laying on your chest.

No.13 – Always make the first move.

No.14 – Never lie to her, she’ll find out.

No.15 – Kiss her when she’s sleeping.

No.16 – Sing to her no matter how terrible your voice is. ..she’ll like it.

No.17 – When she’s fighting with someone, defend her even when you don’t think she’s right.

No.18 – Accept her for who she is.

No.19 – Call her beautiful instead of hot nor sexy.

No.20 – Don’t let go first during a hug.

No.21 – Tell her if she has something in her hair.

No.22 – Tell her you love her before she sleeps every night.

No.23 – Never go through her messages.

No.24 – Making her look bad infront of your friends will make you look bad, too.

No.25 – Always have her back.

No.26 – Kiss her in the rain.

No.27 – Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

No.28 – Stay on the call with her even if she fell asleep.

No.29 – Let her fall asleep in your arms.

No.30 – Give her piggyback rides.

No.31 – Call her babe.

No.32 – Apologize when you’re wrong.

No.33 – Always open the door for her.

No.34 – Boobs or butts doesn’t matter.

No.35 – Notice the little things.

No.36 – Give her flowers.

No.37 – Good hygiene is a must.

No.38 – Be confident.

No.39 – Don’t swear.

No.40 – Carry things for her.

No.41 – Always be the stronger one.

No.42 – Pay for dinner.

No.43 – Hold her chair.

No.44 – Be a good listener.

No.45 – Don’t brag.

No.46 – Compliment her.

No.47 – Don’t use her.

No.48 – Respect her.

No.49 – Perform random acts of kindness.

No.50 – Never take her for granted.

No.51 – Give her breakfast in bed.

No.52 – Hang out with her friends too, not just yours.

No.53 – Do whatever it takes to make her happy.

No.54 – She’s more important than video games.

No.55 – Don’t make a promise if you’re going to break it.

No.56 – If she slaps you, you probably deserved it.

No.57 – She should have three things from you; your sweatshirt, a stuffed animal and a really pretty ring.

No.58 – Never slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way.

No.59 – If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

No.60 – Forget her birthday once and you’re screwed.

No.61 – Hug her from the back.

No.62 – Never insult her, even if you’re joking around.

No.63 – Never miss a date.

No.64 – Try your best to get her something on your vacation. (it doesn’t have to be expensive, as long as it’s from the heart)

No.65 – Wear that knitted sweater that she mad for you. (it will mean the world to her)

No.66 – Never ask her to buy you things.

No.67 – If you love her, show her, not your friends.

No.68 – Don’t get upset if she wants to watch chick flicks. (you might even like it)

No.69 – When she’s sick, don’t neglect her.

No.70 – Reply her texts.

No.71 – Never ask a girl out because of a dare.

No.72 – Never be late for a date.

No.73 – Unexpected surprises.

No.74 – When both of you are in a fight, take the blame even if she’s wrong.

No.75 – Listen to what she has to say.

No.76 – If you know she loves you, don’t play with her emotions and take advantage of it.

No.77 – When she refuses to talk to you because you did something to upset her,insist and make up for it.

No.78 – Make her feel like a princess.

No.79 – Shift to the dangerous side when crossing the street.

No.80 – When she drops something, stop whatever you’re doing to help her.

No.81 – Never let her down of blow her off.

No.82 – Treat her like your best friend.

No.83 – Kiss the back of her hand.

No.84 – Love her when she least deserves it — that’s when she needs it the most.

No.85 – Tell her your stories and feelings too. She wants to hear them. Promise.

No.86 – Don’t tell her lies just to spare her feelings, she’d rather know the truth now rather than finding out later.

No.87 – Yes, “I’m cold” is another way of saying “hug me”.

No.88 – Believe her and believe in her.

No.89 – Always listen to what she has to say.

No.90 – Good grammar is sexy.

No.91 – Look her in the eyes.

No.92 – Let her rest her head on your shoulder.

No.93 – Take the initiative to go and talk to her.

No.94 – Have pillow fights with her.

No.95 – Never talk bad behind her back.

No.96 – Never be a jerk to her infront of her friends.

No.97 – Never go to parties or hang out with other girls without her.

No.98 – Never make excuses.

No.99 – Don’t talk to her when you’re mad. (you will screw something up)

No.100 – Don’t try to keep anything from her.

No.101 – Slip sweet notes in her locker. (they will make her day)

No.102 – Never let a day pass without saying ‘I love you’ to her.

No.103 – Always protect her from any kind of harm.

No.104 – Never give her a reason to think that she’s the man in the relationship.

No.105 – Grand gestures.

No.106 – Kiss her under the stars.

No.107 – Love her unconditionally.

No.108 – Make her an album of the songs that reminds you of her.

No.109 – Never lead her on if you know nothing’s going to happen.

No.110 – Never answer “Does this make me look fat?” question. (it’s a trick)

No.111 – If you love her, never let her slip away.

No.112 – Your warmth soothes her heart.

No.113 – When going out, don’t ask her what she wants to do, take charge and decide.

No.114 – Smile and laugh at her jokes, even if they aren’t funny.

No.115 – If you don’t have time for her, make time for her.

No.116 – Always be available for her.

No.117 – If you love her, tell her before it’s too late.

No.118 – Never forget an anniversary.

No.119 – When you’re around her, always make her feel like you’re her first and last.

No.120 – It’s the little compliments that means alot to her.

No.121 – Show her off infront of you or her friends.

No.122 – When she’s tired, carry her.

No.123 – Never accuse.

No.124 – Do it because you want to, not because you want something back in return.

No.125 – Actions speak louder than words.

No.126 – Have those I-love-you-more-fights. (she thinks it’s cute)

No.127 – Don’t say whatever when you are arguing. (it’ll make her more mad)

No.128 – Never blame her for your mistakes.

No.129 – She loves that cute smirk. Promise.

No.130 – A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.

No.131 – No more bro’s before ho’s. Well respected women, before bro’s.

No.132 – Don’t go anywhere without kissing her goodbye.

No.133 – Hold the door for every girl, attractive or not.

No.134 – Try to write a song for her, even if you’re not musically inclined. (she’ll love it no matter what)

No.135 – Text her good morning to have her day start with a smile.

No.136 – She comes first. Always.

No.137 – Never let her forget how much she means to you.

No.138 – Never let her fall asleep waiting for your call.

No.139 – Her “nothing” is always something.

No.140 – Never tell a girl she doesn’t understand. Ever. Chances are she does.

No.141 – Forehead kisses.

No.142 – Have a day for just you and her, she loves the one on one time.

No.143 – Have tickle fights with her (but let her win)

No.144 – Dance with her even when there’s no music on.

No.145 – Stay up, even if you are tired to talk or chat with her.

No.146 – Never give her a reason to doubt your feelings for her.

No.147 – Never reject her kisses or hugs.

No.148 – Don’t text or call her just because you’re bored.

No.149 – Kiss her spontaneously in the middle of her sentence.

No.150 – Love her for who she is, not for who you want her to be.

No.151- When she pushes you away, pull her in closer.

No.152- Call her love. It sounds classy.

No.153- Tuck her hair behind her ear.

No.154- Never compare her with your ex-girlfriends. She is incomparable.

No.155- Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.

No.156- If you fall in love with her, tell her. Just be prepared to catch her.

No.157- In the middle of a hug, squeeze a little harder. (she’ll love it, promise)

No.158- A gentleman always cheers for his hometown team. Win or lose.

No.159- A gentleman respects every women in his life. If you can’t respect your own mother, forget about respecting your girlfriend.

No.160- Stupid lame jokes; awkwardly adorable moments.

No.161- A gentleman never hits a girl, ever.

No.162- A gentleman always thinks before he says.

No.163- A gentleman is never rude.

No.164- A gentleman never breaks a promise.

No.165- Don’t try to out dress a woman. She should be the center of attention and should now feel that she’s under dressed.

No.166- A gentleman always dresses well.

No.167- Don’t just talk the talk.

No.168- Look people in the eyes when you greet them and shake their hand.

No.169- Never cut someone off.

No.170- If you’re trying to have a relationship, let the woman know. If you’re not, and you’re just trying to hit, let them know that, too.

No.171- Open doors. Pull out chairs. Let her order first. Simple manners.

No.172- No, she doesn’t look fat in the dress. Yes, even if she does.

No.173- Give girls a little extra respect.

No.174- Secret rooftop meetings never gets old.

No.175- Calling her “baby,” will make her melt every time. Promise.

No.176- When listening to the radio, if a love song comes on, squeeze her hand tighter.

No.177- Your girlfriend is not the prettiest of them all, because in your eyes, she should be the only one who is pretty.

No.178- Confidence is sexy. Cockiness is not.

No.179- Hold her while she cries, nothing feels better.

No.180- When hugging her, lift her off her feet and spin her around. (she’ll love it.)

No.181- Always maintain eye contact. It lets her know that you are only paying attention to her.

No.182- If you make her bite her lip, know that you’re doing a damn good job at whatever you’re doing.

No.183- Hold her tight, she won’t want you to let go.

No.184- Make holding her hand too tight be the only way you can hurt her.

No.185- Kisses aren’t everything; never underestimate the power of a good hug.

No.186- Play with her fingers, she loves the way your hand touches hers.

No.187- Grand gestures and complimenting the little things aren’t opposites. Do both.

No.188- Don’t tell her your love is forever unless you have no doubt it is.

No.189- Tell her all your sweet memories together. She’ll be smiling all day long knowing that you remember every single moment you’re together.

No.190- If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy enough.

No.191- A man’s biggest mistake is giving another man an opportunity to make his woman smile. If you love her, you shouldn’t be giving any guy that chance. It should be you making her smile.

No.192- Every gentleman should have at least one suit in his closet.

No.193- Good look’s just a bonus if you have a great personality.

No.194- If a girl admits that she likes you, know that it took every ounce of courage in her to say that. Idiot, don’t take her for granted.

No.195- A gentleman should always have one good watch on his wrist. It’s a mark of character and dignity.

No.196- Gentlemen, wear a belt. It’s called underwear for a reason.

No.197- Don’t try to outdress a woman. She should be the center of attention and should not feel that she’s underdressed.

No.198- Being open-minded and aware of the world around you shows class and sophistication, but avoid seeming pretentious by being modest instead of showing off what you know.

No.199- Don’t ask about the last guy she was with. Being competitive is a young man’s game.

No.200- Avoid public fights with your woman. Keep things private to let her know there’s an exclusive world that you and her share.

No.201- Avoid unnecessary use of expletives in public, especially in the presence of a woman you’re trying to impress.

No.202- If you want to leave her, leave her breathless. If you want to lie, lie next to her. If you want to let go, let go of your pride and pursue her.

No.203- Boasting about your intelligence isn’t attractive, neither is downplaying it.

No.204- Always keep the balance between obsession and apathy. Make her feel important but give her some space when she needs it.

No.205- Gentlemen, be aware that the line between confidence and arrogance is extremely thin.

No.206- Every girl wants that feeling of being wanted and belonged too. So gentlemen, give it to her. Give her your undivided attention, the best that you can give and offer her, and the best of the best that you know she deserves.

No.207- Always kiss your lady’s hand. It will make her feel like a queen.

No.208- Apologize. You are not degrading yourself, you are showing that you care for that person’s feelings.

No.209- Don’t tell her you love her unless you really mean it. She might do something crazy, like believe it.

No.210- Nice guys finish last because they put their ladies first.

No.211- Don’t waste your time looking for all the wrong ones, when you already have the right one.

No.212- Whatever you give a woman, she’s going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. So, if your give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.

No.213- Chivalry is very much alive. Just because a girl acts like she doesn’t care for those small things, inside she’s really looking for it.

No.214- Don’t bring up how many girls you’ve been with; it will not make you look better nor will it impress her.

No.215- Tell her nobody’s perfect, but she is as perfect as they come.

No.216- Allow your lady to walk ahead of you, not all over you.

No.217- Don’t tell her you love her, if you have another girl by your side.

No.218- A girl’s dream is to own something that belongs to you. When she has that, she feels extra close to you.

No.219- If you feel as if you’d die for her, live in such a way that she would know.

No.220- Go ahead, take a punch for her, give one if necessary, just make sure she wasn’t the one that got hurt.

No.221- Sometimes you shouldn’t have to ask how she’s doing. Read the signs: look into her eyes.

No.222- Remember, whenever she finishes a sentence with “I’ve never told anyone that before,” make sure to never forget.

No.223- Real men never stop trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he’s got her.

No.224- Kiss her nose.

No.225- Give her something to tell her friends about.

No.226- A gentleman doesn’t need to hit a woman to feel like a “man”. After all, he is a gentle man.

No.227- If she worries about you, it just means she cares. But when she stops caring, that’s when you should be worried.

No.228- When she starts to let go during a hug, pull her even closer and hug her even tighter.

No.229- Just because she has dated douchebags doesn’t mean there isn’t any chance for a nice guy.

No.230- Don’t flip out when your girlfriend wonders who you’re with or what you’re doing. It means she cares and she’s actually afraid to lose you to someone else.

No.231- “Don’t date the most beautiful girl in the world, date the girl who makes your world the most beautiful.”

No.232- Spill your heart out to her; if she loves you she’ll love to listen.

No.233- “Anyone can be heroic form time to time, but a gentleman is something you have to be all the time.” -Luigi Pirandello

No.234- A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl.

No.235- A true gentleman should never take advantage of any lady.

No.236- When you’re holding hands, squeeze hers from time to time. It will surely make her look at you and smile.

No.237- When she rubs her arms with both hands, it’s another sign of saying, “Hug me, make me warm.”

No.238- Remember, she loves you for you. So don’t try to go around changing yourself just to impress her.

No.239- When you say ‘I love you’, say it in a way she’ll want to hear it. Look her in the eyes; grasp her hand; and lean close to her, so she knows you’re truly serious.

No.240- If you aren’t treating her right, don’t be mad when somebody else does.

No.241- Never ever make a girl feel anything less than perfect.

No.242- A gentleman never lies to his woman. Ever.

No.243- A gentleman should always give up his seat for the elderly.

No.244- You came from a woman. So you have no right to disrespect one.

No.245- Hold her when she’s crying and tell her that everything’s going to be okay.

No.246- A gentleman can recognize it when he loses a fight. Know the difference between standing up for yourself and being a fool.

No.247- There are so many fishes in the sea. Do not settle until you have found your mermaid.

No.248- A gentleman only lies to his woman if it involves surprising her.

No.249- If you break up with her, check up on her every once in a while to make sure she’s alright.

No.250- A gentleman admits when he’s wrong, and stands his ground when he is right.

No.251- A gentleman respects a woman’s boundaries.

No.252- Fall in love with her flaws. Everything else will be a plus.

No.253- It doesn’t matter how many fights you two may get into. If you truly do love her, it should never matter. Ever.

No.254- Love her when she least deserves it because that’s when she needs it most.

No.255- Honesty. She’ll respect you even more.

No.256- Be the one who stays by her side and protects her. Especially when no one else does.

No.257- Tell her she’s beautiful everyday. You don’t know how much that will mean to her.

No.258- A gentleman doesn’t just tell his lady he loves her, he shows it.

No.259- Any lady just wants you to be a well-mannered gentleman that treats others right.

No.260- A gentleman is always a gentleman and nothing less.

No.261- Before speaking your concerns, give them thought, then do so appropriately.

No.262- “I love you” means nothing if you don’t sincerely mean it.

No.263- Respect people’s feelings. Even if it does not mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them.

No.264- Pretty and sexy is not the same as beautiful.

No.265- She deserves the best. Even if you’re not meant to be the man to give it to her.

No.266- A kiss is nothing unless it is backed up feelings for her.

No.267- Chivalry never died, the gentleman in you did.

No.268- A good gentleman treats his mother like a queen and treats you the same.

No.269- Just because you’ve stopped talking to each other doesn’t mean you’re not on her mind.

No.270- Don’t make her feel special when she’s actually not. Avoid false hope.

No.271- If she’s responsible for your smile, then be responsible with her heart.

No.272- A true man’s heart knows no distance.

No.273- Never, ever give her a reason to feel threatened by another woman.

No.274- A good gentleman is smart, but a great gentleman is well-educated.

No.275- Remember, she has a past too. Don’t hold it against her.

No.276- You need to have your favourite song. The one that reminds you how it all began. Make sure she never forgets it.

No.277- Never make her stay up all night waiting for your call, and have to realize late at night that you aren’t going to call.

No.278- Don’t underestimate the power of a hug. It can turn her day around.

No.279- If she leans against you, hug her. She wants to be held.

No.280- Calm, cool and composed. All characteristics a gentleman possesses.

No.281- If you love her, remember that on the bad days.

No.282- Chivalry will never run out of style.

No.283- Men are supposed to lead, not lead on.

No.284- Never miss a chance to tell her you love her because you never know when it’ll be your last.

No.285- Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But, being a gentleman is a matter of choice.

No.286- Hold her tighter, kiss her harder and love her more as everyday goes by.

No.287- Treat everybody equally. Their sexual orientation should not matter.

No.288- A gentleman never pursues an already taken woman.

No.289- Good morning texts.

No.290- Be a lady’s man, not a ladies man.

No.291- Chivalry is a beautiful, genuine thing. It will never die.

No.292- Make her your everything in front of everyone, everytime.

No.293- The acknowledgement of a gentleman is found through his actions and the word in which he gives.

No.294- Ladies first.

No.295- She chose to be with you, don’t test her.

No.296- An already taken gentleman never pursues another woman.

No.297- A gentleman never has to tell anyone he is gentleman.

No.298- Love her through life, through death, and even after that.

No.299- Never make a promise you can’t keep.

No.300- Don’t hold anything against her, especially her mistakes.

No.301- A gentleman knows that if it ever comes to that, he can let go of her, but he will never forget her.

No.302- A gentleman knows when to call her sexy, and when to let her know she’s beautiful.

No.303- Spending time with your lady is all well and good, but a gentleman never forgets his friends.

No.304- Chivalry and respect are as natural to a gentleman as breathing. They should not require effort.

No.305- Trust will make or break your relationship.

No.306- A real gentleman doesn’t have to undo your shirt to get a better view of your heart.

No.307- Treat every woman the way you’d want your daughter to be treated.

No.308- A gentleman knows that it takes what won her, to keep her.

No.309- A gentleman should not abuse power, but they shouldn’t forget that they have it.

No.310- Practice what you preach. It’s as simple as that.

No.311- By respecting the boundary between being close friends and flirting, you’re respecting your lady.

No.312- Treat your lady like you treat your Tumblr, give her all your time, love and respect.

No.313- It doesn’t have to be her birthday or Valentine’s Day. Show up at her door with a rose, a blanket and a picnic table.

No.314- A gentleman should not easily let his woman slip his sight, but he should know her freedom of space.

No.315- A gentleman should always treat a girl well, before they are together, and after as well.

No.316- Chivalry is the only “wingman” you need.

No.317- Add a genuine “how are you’ to your greetings and an “I’m there for you” to your goodbyes.

No.318- If you care about her, chase after her.

No.319- A gentleman shouldn’t strive to make his girl jealous, but to make others jealous of his girl.

No.320- Just show her that you care.

No.321- A gentleman must know how to take care of himself as well.

No.322- Don’t leave her because of long distance. The absence makes the heart grow fonder.

No.323- The trick to being a gentleman is making her feel like a lady.

No.324- Texting her “good morning beautiful” instantly puts her in a good mood. It lets her know that she is the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning.

No.325- Be yourself, because by being yourself you could possibly be everything that she needs.

No.326- Sometimes she’s just waiting for you to make the first move.

No.327- A gentleman never allows himself to come second to another, and knows when he has to move on.

No.328- Play games, not ladies.

No.329- Always tell the truth.

No.330- Love is like a wheel, it has its ups and downs. But in the end you’ll find out it’s still meant to last forever.

No.331- A gentleman should be honest to everyone, including himself, at all time.

No.332- A true gentleman will do anything to make his girl happy.

No.333- Never talk about past big loves, it will only make her think she needs to live up to it.

No.334- Fall for her harder everyday.

No.335- A gentleman knows that once you have her, you keep her.

No.336- Don’t go to sleep unless everything is okay between you and your lady.

No.337- Second chances mean that she loves you too much to leave, don’t do anything to change that. Return the favour.

No.338- A gentleman should tell his lady every night before he goes to sleep just exactly how much she means to him.

No.339- Being a gentleman isn’t a form of courtship, it’s a way of life.

No.340- The sexiest curve on her body is her smile.

No.341- Don’t ever break her trust in any way, because you will never fully gain it back.

No.342- Cheating is never okay. There is no justification for it. Just don’t.

No.343- The way a gentleman treats his mother, is a pretty good indicator of how he will treat his lady.

No.344- Late night conversations is something every girl likes.

No.345- If you truly love her, you’d want what’s best for her; whether it includes you or not.

No.346- Don’t ever make a lady cry.

No.347- Stay calm and be her man.

No.348- Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t treat you the best they can. You always deserve 100% of someone’s love.

No.349- Never underestimate a lady’s will power.

No.350- Show her that chivalry isn’t dead.

No.351- Love doesn’t make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

No.352- Saying sorry doesn’t fix the problem. It’s what you do after that truly counts.

No.353- Don’t make promises you can’t keep, it’s not fair to her.

No.354- A real gentleman is well versed when it comes to poetry.

No.355- A true gentleman only gives for the sake of giving, never expecting anything in return.

No.356- Give her reasons to believe, not to doubt.

No.357- Simple good night and good morning text messages are highly appreciated.

No.358- Don’t talk about other girls, when you have a girlfriend. Make her feel like she is your only one, because she should be.

No.359- A gentleman attracts the attention of many, but only has eyes for his own lady.

No.360- A lady would rather be hurt with the truth, than with a lie.

No.361- A gentleman always reminds his lady how much she means to him, even though she won’t forget.

No.362- The worst thing you could do to a girl is compare her to another girl.

No.363- Remind her of how beautiful she is, every now and then.

No.364- A gentleman knows that it is often the simple gestures that mean the most.

I didnt write this
o.365- A true gentleman should always trust his woman, because if you were truly in love, there is no reason to think she’d betray you.

No.366- A true gentleman won’t judge by looks but by heart.

No.367- Never date an ex’s best friend; chances are that will ruin their friendship and quite possibly end your new relationship.

No.368- Say nice things to her because you mean them, not just because she wants to hear them.

No.369- A gentleman knows to let his past make him better not bitter.

No.370- Kiss her like it is your first kiss, everytime.

No.371- Put some effort into the conversation.

No.372- When she cries, don’t say a thing, just hold her tight, and make her feel safe.

No.373- Compliments feel better when they’re genuine and unexpected. The more girls you call beautiful, the less impact it has.

No.374- A true gentleman will admit when he is wrong.

No.375- Real men stay faithful. They don’t have time to look for other woman because they’re too busy looking for new ways to love their own.

I didnt write this. I just thought I would share

Difference between dating a man vs a boy and a girl vs a woman

When I was in my early twenties, if I acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, alot of woman would get hooked. You could say they were addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.

“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.” – Psychology Today

So games used to work because 1) I had unresolved issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.

I learned to love myself. I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on games as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a boy to becoming a man. And as a man, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a boy

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply.

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life). A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting drunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women — from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl vs. a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.

If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers:

1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.

2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).

3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.

4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent — she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.

5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.

6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.

7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous

8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with.

“A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah

9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.

“After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah

10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over six feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.

General female Rules vs man rules or How to survive the storm coming your way Fellas !!!!!

General Female Rules

1. These Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

2. No MALE can possibly know all The Rules.

3. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows The Rules, she must immediately change The Rules.

4. The FEMALE is never wrong.

5. If the FEMALE is mistaken, it is a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

6.The MALE must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

7.The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.

8. The MALE must never change his mind without the written consent of the FEMALE

9. The FEMALE has the right to be upset or angry at any time.

10. The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and/or upset.

11. If the FEMALE has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.

12. The MALE is expected to mind read constantly and act accordingly.

13. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in actual bodily harm.

14. The MALE who doesn’t abide by The Rules can’t take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a whimp.

General Male Rules

1. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

2. If you don’t want to dress like Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

3. If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

4. It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

5. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

6. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

7. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.

8. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

9. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.

10. Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

11. When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying, “This is our exit?” is not necessary.

12. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
Five Minutes
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
Nothing
This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has when she wants to cut you, slice you and cover you with hot bacon grease. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare so don’t be an idiot. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows)
This means, “I give up” or “Do what you want because I don’t give a d*&#. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot, moron or troll at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here with your sorry ass, and arguing with you over “Nothing.”
Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not to move, flinch or breathe and she will stay content.
Oh/No problem at all
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that”, or: “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says “Oh” before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Run far, run fast and NEVER EVER look back. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your PC, DVD player and big screen TV out the 11th floor window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a big ol’ greasy lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and the statement “Go ahead”, all followed by unspeakable acts so hideous they are unprintable.
That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before implementing payback. Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. “That’s okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you’d better be ready. You’re gonna look like a Section 8 eviction, stuf all out on the curb. Check your mirrors for the next 6 months. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow.
Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to dig the hole you’re in even deeper as you try to come up with an excuse or reason for doing whatever it is you have done. You have a chance to tell the truth … but don’t. Lie like a rug and stick to it like Velcro. STICK TO THE LIE!!! But be careful you don’t get a “That’s okay”. If you do, stick and move baby, stick and move. Skillets and pots will be flyin.
Thanks
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint or pee yourself; just say you’re welcome and don’t move the rest of the day.
Thanks a Lot
This is much different from “Thanks”. A woman will say “Thanks a Lot” when she is really about to “catch a case”. It’s ’bout to be on, up in here. It signifies that you have hurt her in some cold, callous way. She will probably call her 4 brothers to come over and mop the street with your brains. These words are usually followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”.
You did WHAT?
This means she found out about that hoochie across town and you’d better crawl out the window and creep up the sidewalk like a cat. She’s about to get her piece, so step … and step hard. Forget your car, just run and hide. You can come back and get your ride. If “You did WHAT?” is followed by “you bastard”, hit the floor immediately, cause she’s about to set the chamber on that 9 that she keeps under the pillow.

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings…

(obviously I HAVE gotten in more than MY share of trouble…lol )

75 great relationship quotes

•In life you’ll realize there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
•Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you, and make you happy. If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.
•Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off. It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.
•Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring – all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
•The most beautiful thing is to see a person you love smiling. And even more beautiful is knowing that you are the reason behind it.
•Choose your relationships wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.
•Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not meanyou are alone.
•Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
•Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.
•You know you’ve found true love when you catch yourself falling in love with the same person over and over again.
•Don’t wait for the right person to come into your life. Rather, be the right person to come to someone’s life.
•The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.
•Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
•Some relationships are like glass. It’s better to leave it broken, than to hurt yourself more by trying to put it back together.
•Just because one person doesn’t seem to care for you, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who does.
•Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.
•It is okay to be angry. It is never okay to be cruel.
•Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.
•Silence is often the loudest cry. Pay attention to those you care about.
•We don’t always need advice. Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand.
•It’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel.
•A silent hug means a thousand words to the unhappy heart.
•Don’t mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of yours.
•True happiness comes from within, not from someone else. Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.
•Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world, choose the one who makes your world beautiful.
•If you feel like your ship is sinking, it might be a good time to throw out the stuff that’s been weighing it down. Let go of people who bring you down, and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.
•Just because it didn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.
•Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect others to read your mind, and don’t play games with their heads and hearts. Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out. Half-truths are no better than lies. And don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words.
•Lies help no one in the long run. So… 1) Don’t say “I love you” if you don’t mean it. 2) Don’t say “I understand” if you have no clue. 3) Don’t say “I’m sorry” if you’re not. 4) Be honest with yourself and your loved ones.
•Tell the truth, or eventually someone will tell it for you.
•Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience and two people who truly want to work to be together.
•Falling in love is not a choice. To stay in love is.
•Love doesn’t hurt. Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts.
•When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option but a priority. Loyalty is everything.
•A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences.
•Jealousy is the art of counting someone else blessings instead of your own. Don’t waste your time on jealousy. The only person you’re competing against is yourself.
•Do not become possessive. The purpose of a relationship is to complement each other, grow together, and achieve your common goals as a couple. At the same time, you must each maintain your individual identity as a human being.
•Don’t ever change just to impress someone. Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a better future.
•Give, but don’t allow yourself to be used. Listen to others, but don’t lose your own voice.
•Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems; look for someone who will face them with you.
•You don’t really need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely.
•Speak when you are very angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.
•Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Let it go.
•As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.
•Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
•Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated, trust is gained, and loyalty is returned.
•Never waste a moment, it may be the last with someone you love.
•If you love someone, tell them. Forget about the rules or the fear of looking ridiculous. What is really ridiculous is passing up on an opportunity to tell someone that your heart is invested in them.
•Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something they thought was meant to be. But it is these losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities.
•Never stop doing little things for others. Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.
•The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
•A real person is not perfect, and a perfect person is not real.
•To the world, you might be just one person. But to one person, you might be the world.
•Just because you have a past with someone, doesn’t mean you should have a future with them.
•No relationship is a waste of time. The wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones.
•The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to move forward is the happiest.
•If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
•Characterize people by their actions and you will never be fooled by their words.
•When the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go, it is time to let go.
•If a friend is in trouble, don’t bother them by asking if there is anything you can do. Think of something appropriate and do it.
•Sometimes it is better to be kind than to be right. We do not always need an intelligent mind that speaks, just a patient heart that listens.
•Be the friend that you want to have.
•There are times when family are like strangers, and strangers are like family. Both sets of people are priceless.
•In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
•Instead of judging people by their past, stand by them and help repair their future.
•Don’t try to be everything to everyone. Be everything to someone.
•Let us remember that we can’t force anyone to love us. We can’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave and be with someone else. This is what love is all about. However, the end of love is not the end of life. It should be the beginning of understanding that love leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson.
•When things fall apart, consider the possibility that life knocked it down on purpose. Not to bully you, or to punish you, but to prompt you to build something that better suits your personality and your purpose. Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together.
•Everyone wants a perfect ending. But over the years I’ve learned that some of the best poems don’t rhyme, and many great stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Life is about not knowing, embracing change, and taking a moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.
•In human relationships, distance is not measured in miles but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. So stay in touch with those who truly matter to you. Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort.
•Never neglect the people who are most important to you simply because you think they will always be there. Because one morning you might wake up and realize you lost the moon while counting the stars.
•True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.
•True friendship and true love do sustain the tests of distance and time.
•When someone gives you their time, they are giving you a portion of their life that they will never get back. It’s one of the most precious gifts you can receive. Don’t waste it.
•Good relationships are not just about the good times you share; they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end.