Eat Pray and Love… Help me choose a new religion

Since most people who know me and my sense of humor say that the Greek Religion in me didn’t take. I thought I would look at the pros and con of some of the religions today and see if I can choose a new one. So in the famous words of the “Joker” HERE WE GO

Rastafarianism:

Pro: Not only is marijuana use accepted….. it’s basically a need
Con: I am pretty much locked into my look from here on. Somehow dreadlocks in public don’t seem to be the way to go
Pro: Wait what are we talking about / Pass the chips
Con: me woman not be able to understand em saying seen

Buddhism

Pro: Kick ass Buddhist monk kung foo skills NEO BABY !!!!
Con: Beastie Boys ….Richard Gere I will not be preached to
Pro: blissfully enlightened state
Con: I can be blissful being a Rasta Man and not have to wear orange robes

Judaism
Pro: Bar Mitzvah Baby what 13 yrs old …if I am converting then I am having one
Con: Too old for a Bris

Jehovah’s
Pro: Walking door to door is an excellent low impact work out
Con: No Christmas that aint right !!!!!
Con: Only 144 ,000 will make it to heaven The other 6.4 million practicing JW’S are out of luck

Catholicism:

Pro: Wine at church Nice and classy
Con: Being 12 with wine at church hmm wonder what that can lead to ???
Pro: All the sitting standing and give you some great QUADS AND GLUTS look out women !!!!

Scientology:

Pro: Tom Cruise John Travolta and Kelly Preston go to my church
Con: They are crazy
Pro: any “church that can be spoofed on South Park IS my KIND OF CHURCH
Con: How can we make a church sound any less appealing …I know lets put science in front of it

Mormonism

Pro: Multiple wives Big Love
Con: Multiple Wives with access to knives
Pro: The Osmonds …. had a crush on Marie
Con: Glen Beck and living in UTAH.

Santeria:
Pro: freaky hot-blooded island woman increase odds of amazing sexual experience :
Con: Freaky hot-blooded island women increase odds of a “machete incident ‘ and for your info there is no such thing as a good machete incident 😦
Pro: no problem getting chicken and goat for KICKIN montreal grilling

Native American

Pro: Peyote
Con: tedious well-meaning conversations about how fascinating the religion I am in is
Pro: Lax dress code
Con: Burning sage hurts my eyes

Hindu:

Pro: Vishnu Coolest God ever…POSSIBILITY that I could play for the Knicks or be a rock star in my future incarnation.. Meet Julia Roberts one day
Con: No Beef … No nochancepappy
Pro: easy pick up lines for wild chicks
Con: I would be offended by Abu

Satanism:

Pro: All bad things are now good
Con: Spending time with Goths… Ramone groupie’s here I come
Pro: Long list of people to sacrifice gets longer …..Bill O”Reilly Lock your door buddy
Con: Listening to bad albums backward

So dabbling in the dark side isn’t the way Catwoman.. I need to know deep down who is the Queen of the Nice Religion …. being nice … mmmmm How do they do it…let me know because I feel Like Will Smith in the movie ‘I am Legend” Cant hold them off forever….and have this happen to me.

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