The reality is that not all men cheat. I know this because I am man who doesn’t cheat and I know many other men who don’t. I am writing this so women can understand the effects of believing that all men cheat has on them and how to discuss that distorted view of men. First I will address why men don’t cheat.
Most people like to talk about why men cheat. The truth is the opportunity is there for all men to cheat. Trust me on that one. My concern isn’t why men cheat just like I don’t think worrying about why people steal only will solve thievery. I think what will help better us is if women learn why the men who don’t cheat avoid the temptation then they will be able to find them better and date them. Here is a list of things I believe are characteristics of men who don’t cheat.
To them it is STUPID because of the risks. They may have had a friend or family member who had been harmed physically because of a bad love triangle experience. Now these men may not tell the women they are with voluntarily but if you ask them they may tell you. These men may not have had many girlfriends and may have married early.
It is disrespectful to the person they are dating and to themselves.
These men are very moral and mature. They maybe deeply religious or socially conscious and committed to something greater than themselves. While some men may say “Baby cheating is disrespectful” as a simple line, the men who really feel this way will not have problems with sharing their daily activities and friendship circles with the women their dating.
They don’t know how to do it without it being disrespectful or getting caught.
Even though this is a sad excuse but some men just don’t know how to be sneaky. Just like stealing people who know how to steal but don’t. There are those who just don’t know how to steal and don’t do it because they know they will get caught. This is a weak reason but it is still a reason. In reality some men cheat on their girlfriends and wives because they can get away with it. More than likely cheating is not the only thing they can do without people knowing it.
They are in a relationship, which is nurturing and respectful. Happiness is a real reason to not cheat. Men and women who are unhappy in their relationship are more likely to cheat than people who are in happy relationships.
They are mature and experienced with women and don’t feel they are missing anything in other women.
This is a sentiment I hear a lot of older men share. I often hear older men giving advice to younger men that they are not missing out on anything. So, it’s safe to say that this belief is something they have had throughout their married life. They claim to be so smart and educated but yet they can’t commit to a woman. I’m willing to say that these men who lack this type of maturity lack it in other parts of their character. If you can lie to someone who loves you then you an lie about anything.
They have made a conscious decision to be with the woman they are with.
Men who have this feeling are able to make other firm decisions. When these people make these type of decisions they are very clear about them. They either hold the commitment of marriage very dear to them and/or they seriously value having a wife. They are very clear on why they love the woman they are with. Clear about why they choose the woman they choose. They may not have dated a lot of other women. They should be able to explain what was wrong with each of their past girlfriends. Since, they might not have dated a lot of women they may feel lucky to have found the one they married. I can count on both hands the women I have dated and still have several fingers free
It is against their beliefs and they knew what they where getting into when they entered into a relationship.
This is a feeling of many men. For men who believe cheating is wrong they have no problem telling people. These are the strong men of the family and community. The live their lives like a role model, like an example for others. These men will tell anyone about marriage and commitment without even being asked.
They had a healthy dating experience and found a person they could spend their life with. This is a feeling that men have when they are head over their heels in love. Men don’t cheat when they feel like this. Not every person feels this way but some do. These are special people. We should all have dating experiences which are fruitful like this.
They aren’t presented with the opportunity to cheat.
This is sad but true. Some men just don’t go to places or put themselves in environments were they think they can get away with an act of infidelity. They don’t travel for business or anywhere by themselves. They don’t have women they can cheat with. They don’t have women around them who want to be with them. Now this doesn’t mean that all men who travel cheat. Hell no. Nor does it mean that men who have a lot of women who want to be with them will cheat. It just means that some men don’t cheat because they don’t have an opportunity to cheat.
They think about the outcome of physical intimacy. Some men value their lives and are comfortable to be where they are. They have worked hard to be where they are and don’t want to mess it up. Maybe they pay child support already and don’t want to pay more. Maybe they are scared of catching a disease. Men can even be scared of attracting a fatal attraction. They may have had a bad experience or saw a women go Carrie Underwood on them. May be its fear of the doghouse.
Or maybe its just like my old Rutgers University Professor, the late Cary McWilliams told me one day. A real man cannot define himself by women. If you are a man then you base your manhood in the world of men. What he meant was how you measured up to other men by your laughter, your knowledge, your dreams, your ambition and most of all how you take care of the woman in your life and the children you bring into the world. If you base your manhood on how many women you have been with, or hope to be with then you will never find happiness. Why?. Its because there is always somebody you can’t or never will be with.
Or would you rather be scared straight