Because I am a Guy…A guide for women to understand Us

Because I’m a Guy

Because I’m a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I’ll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

Because I’m a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer.

Because I’m a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t an issue.

Because I’m a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I’m a guy, I don’t think we’re all that lost, and no, I don’t think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger – – how the heck could HE know where we’re going?

Because I’m a guy, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t.

Because I’m a guy, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I’m a guy and this is, after all, the 21st century, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I’ll do the rest.

Note: All ” Sara Palins real men” answer “C” to all of the following questions. In understanding this and carefully reviewing the “C” answer, women will come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

Present it to the President of the United States.
Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

Innocence.
Idealism.
Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
When he is the Pope (not on the lips).
When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A cat.
A dog.
A dog that eats cats.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She’s attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You’re watching a football game; she’s reading the newspaper when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she’s not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don’t want to rush it.
That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you’ll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don’t want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
Tell her what?

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

“Do they need to eat or anything?”
“They’re enrolled in school already?”
“There are three of them, right?”

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you’re not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody (and we are not naming names, but this would be the wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).

9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

He was being tested.
He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
He refused to ask for directions.

10. What is the human race’s single greatest achievement?

Democracy.
Religion.
Remote control.

The question this time, from the men’s side of the table: what should you do when the women you’re with asks you: “What are you thinking?”

Every male in the world has had to deal with this question, which is more often than not uncorked at entirely inappropriate times, such as when you are watching sports, locked in a passionate embrace, or reeling in a feisty marlin from the Gulf of Mexico. Regardless of what you’re doing, you must come up with a complete and satisfactory answer, or stand accused of Hiding Your True Feelings. Which means, of course, you’ll spend the next week pretending to be sorry. So you’ve got to come up with something. And it had better be good.

Now, the obvious question here is: WHY do women want to know what we’re thinking? Simple: they assume we’re thinking in the first place. Hard to believe, but there it is.

Why on earth would they think that? Well, go up to a woman and ask her what she is thinking. This is what she be thinking about:

“Off the top of my head, I’m thinking about the party we’re having Saturday, and how I’m going to fix that chandelier in the front room so that people can walk around without hitting their heads. Underneath that I’m thinking about my work schedule this week and whether or not I’m going to have time to do some of the things I need to do at home as well. And under that I’m wondering if it’s too late to get tickets on a plane to NYC for Christmas. AND I’m thinking about getting a snack.”

Not only is she thinking about something, she’s thinking about four separate things. If I check back in five minutes, she’ll still be thinking. Women are always thinking, and often about practical things.

Men, on the other hand, are actively thinking for about five minutes out of every hour (usually not in sequence). So, at best, you have a one in 12 chance of catching a man actually having a thought. What are we thinking about?

Sex
Food
Jelly Donuts
Sports
Victoria Secrets
Sex
Work
The black unknowable nothingness that frames our existence, and whether a benevolent and omnipotent higher power can
possibly exist within it (or Beer)
Sleep
Sex

In summary, randomly asking a man what he’s thinking has precisely a 8.83% chance of turning up a real, verifiable, honest-to-God thought. You might as well bet on the New York Jets. Sound harsh, guys? Fine. Quick — what are you thinking? Had to think about it, didn’t you. You lose. Sit down.

Despite the overwhelming evidence that we men, in fact, are almost never thinking, women will still demand to know their innermost thoughts. In a way, it’s touching; women are expressing faith that, if prodded long enough and frequently enough, they may yet boost the number of times we think in an hour. And they will. Unfortunately, most of what we’ll be thinking is “stop asking me what I’m thinking.” And that’s just going to get us in trouble.

The best way to keep a woman from constantly asking you what you are thinking is to have a ready, pre-memorized answer for the times that she does. Here are some tried and true responses, with the pros and cons of each:

“I’m thinking that tonight it’d be nice to stay at home and sit by the fire together.”
Pros: Romantic; Sounds as if you’re spontaneous.
Cons: Requires fireplace (or a cement floor and ventilation); Romantic moments often prompt even more “What are you
thinking” queries.

“I’m thinking how much I love you.”
Pros: Generally provokes a positive response that short circuits any need for further conversation; Is often also true.
Cons: If you use it too much, she’ll know it’s a line, and then you’re really in trouble.

“I was wondering if there is actually life on other planets.”
Pros: Cosmic; Shows you are a deep thinker.
Cons: Woman may wonder if this is an intro to the same sort of “alien sigmoidoscopy” story that ruined her last
relationship.

“I was imagining, if I were an animal, what sort of animal I’d be.”
Pros: Imaginative; Allows woman to spend many happy minutes trying to establish your place in the animal kingdom.
Cons: She might think you resemble a marmoset or skunk; She may forego the animal world altogether and go straight to
yeasts.

“I’m just thinking about how true the lyrics to ‘Dust in the Wind’ really are.”
Pros: Shows depth of musical knowledge; As last resort to forestall conversation, you may break out into song.
Cons: If she’s a connoisseur of 70s melodic rock, you may find yourself in a bitter, divisive quarrel about which is
deeper, “Dust” or Aerosmith’s “Dream On”.

Keep in mind that these responses are not to supersede an actual thought. If you find yourself having one at the moment she asks, go ahead and share it, as long as it’s not something along the lines of “This relationship blows” or “I really like margarine”. With a little practice, you should come out okay.

But, hey. That’s just what I think BECAUSE I’m just a guy

As a New Yorker being in Texas it was life on Mars; but I survived and so can you

As a New Yorker being in Texas for 2 yrs it was quite literally life on Mars. Stunned like Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes screaming its a “madhouse”

I learned my ways until I was able to survive and head back to the Motherland…the Bronx. I escaped to live another day. But if you do have to go to Texas I hope the lessons below will help you survive.

1. If you do run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean They can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
4. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
5. Remember: “Y’all” is singular. “All y’all” is plural. “All y’all’s” is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, “You ain’t from around here, are you?”
7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this!” Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
9. Get used to the phrase “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”. And the collateral phrase “You call this hot? Wait’ll August.”
10. There are no delis. Don’t ask.
11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man’s shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.
13. Brisket is not ‘cooked’ in an oven
14. Don’t tell them how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
15. If you think it’s too hot, don’t worry. It’ll cool down-in December.
16. They have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is.
18. If someone tells you “Don’t worry, those peppers aren’t hot” you can be certain they are.
19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won’t do it.
20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don’t ask.
21. If someone says they’re “fixin” to do something, that doesn’t mean anything’s broken.
22. Don’t even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is ‘Margarita.’
23. If you don’t understand their passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called “courtesy”.
26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
27. No matter what you’ve seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.
28. “Tea” = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.
30. You better learn the way of the Cowboys. If you don’t your life will be like the last Human in ‘The Walking Dead’ Chances of survival are not good
31. Most of all be wary of the Texas woman. Not only are they beautiful but their tears are like a Love Potion. Its in the water. That’s why they say “don’t drink the water in Texas” or was that Mexico. I forget….still haven’t recovered fully
from that Texas heat yet….sorry

Do you know who your friends are? What makes your friends your friends in life or on Facebook


Serious question: Do you know who your friends are? What makes your friends your friends in life or on Facebook

Last night I sat on the couch with an old friend. She is going through a hard time in her life for her husband was killed in Afganistan 2 yrs ago. Fittingly, it was this friend and her husband who stood by me as I went through my hard time and now I was doing the same for her. She cried, but not because it was sad The emotional intensity of it all was so overwhelming that she ended up in tears. During this time the Movie Notting Hill playing in the backround.

The experience was jarring for me. Not because I minded crying or sharing that kind of experience with a friend. It was jarring because sitting there and feeling what a close friendship is, I realized that a lot of people that I call “good friends” aren’t really good friends at all. I realized how readily I use terms like “good friend” or “close friend” with people I’ll never have this kind of experience with.

In this age of omniconnectedness, words like “network,” “community” and even “friends” no longer mean what they used to. Networks don’t exist on LinkedIn. A community is not something that happens on a blog or on Twitter. And a friend is more than someone whose online status you check. A friend is an emotional bond, just like friendship is a human experience. What I’ve learned is that I’ve too often confused the weak bonds I have with people I know with the strong bonds I have with friends. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is.

A friend is someone with whom we share deep trust. The strong bond we have with a friend means that person will be there for us no matter what. The reason I made it through a few years ago was because someone was there for me at a time when I could offer nothing in return. The strong bond of friendship is not always a balanced equation; friendship is not always about giving and taking in equal shares. Instead, friendship is grounded in a feeling that you know exactly who will be there for you when you need something, no matter what or when.

There is a difference between vulnerability and telling people everything about yourself. Vulnerability is a feeling. Telling everyone about yourself is just facts and details. The problem is the more we share about ourselves on Facebook, for example, the more we confuse all that information with having others “get to know us.” Someone can look through our pictures, read our comments and opinions and start to think they know who we are, but they don’t. They only know what they see and read. Worse, the feeling they may have toward us is one-sided.

This phenomenon is called a parasocial relationship — a relationship in which one person knows much more about the other. This is what happens with celebrities. Because we can read about their public lives in the tabloids and hear about what they are doing on TMZ, we think we know them. But we don’t know anything about who they are. Everyone see’s what they appear to be but few feel what they are

I “friend” a movie star who lived in Toronto. I sent her a message that I was coming to see Toronto and she posted on Facebook that she would like to show me the city and go together. I told her my dates but when I was ready to to go and emailed her she never responded and was nowhere to be found.

A “movie star” who I had many connections with gave me her personal email and said she wanted to keep in touch. I never asked her for it. But when I emailed her she never responded. Months later when she came back after reading how she was planning to have a baby with her boyfriend … she claimed “she missed me” . Two weeks later she was off Facebook again.

In our modern world, however, we are all celebrities and we all live semipublic lives. Others can read about what we’re doing and who we know and what we like. They can start to form bonds with us, but those bonds are one-sided and they are not the basis for real, close friendship. I was not friends with her and nor did I expect her to come through or even see her. The reality is those people are acquaintances — a term we rarely hear anymore.
Although I like the movie ‘Notting Hill’ I have no desire to be a character in it.

I was reminded of this when I ran into an old Hollywood girlfriend in Calif recently

At the time she was the most beautiful woman I had ever see. A Hollywood actress who was constantly at the Playboy mansion. It was like Jessica Rabbit had come to life. I was determined to make her mine. She had told me she had “dated’ George Clooney and Bruce Willis but I was what she wanted and I showered her with gifts and trips. But nothing about her was real as I was to find out including her name. Years later she was still looking for ‘Mr GoodBar” …still looking for a man who would treat her like a princess and no longer a choice for movies roles.

When I asked her of all the men who had come into her life wasn’t there one?. She said she had been engaged 3 times but changed her mind. Now she sits in a bar in LA paying for yesterday, on Match.com with pictures from 10-15 yrs ago.

There are lots of people who tell me they are my friend. They seem to act like friends, but they aren’t really friends. I don’t, and probably won’t ever, share that kind of deep, strong relationship with them.

I have one business relationship who, when he introduces me to people, introduces me as “my close friend, Every time he does so, it makes me uneasy, because we’re not close friends. I’m not sure we’re even friends. Another professional relationship, almost from the day we met, would tell me, “this is the start of a long and close friendship.” He acted like a friend too. He would send me e-mails to say hi, call to chat, and he’d want to hang out when we were in the same city. But when we couldn’t agree on the terms of a formal business relationship, all of a sudden my “new close friend” stopped calling, stopped e-mailing and no longer wanted to spend time with me.

As my life becomes even more public, I meet lots of people and I form genuine friendships with some, but most are just acquaintances or professional relationships. The problem is that there are lots of people who think they know me. They think they are my friends. Yet friendship is too quixotic to be formed by a decision. It’s a feeling more like love. You can’t decide to be friends with someone. You can’t request it. It just happens.

Facebook is good at connecting people with common interests. We can easily form weak bonds with people online. And those relationships are good and have real value, but strong bonds, trust and deep friendships require physical interaction — and lots of it. I no more believed Rachel McAdams or Anne Hathaway were my friends than I believe I am going to be POPE. I have never met them nor do I expect I will. But unfortunately a lot of people do and that’s what can be painful for a-lot who do live their lives through Hollywood.

But the lesson I learned this week is more of a reminder. I have too often confused the weak bonds I have with people. I know with the strong bonds I have with people who are my friends. When I run the names of the people I call “good friends” through this new filter, I realize that I don’t have as many good friends as I thought. And that’s not a bad thing, because the ones I do have I value even more.

My family member who is a casting agent for the past 30 yrs told me something that still resonated.
” Everyone wants to ride the limo with you when times are good. But what you want is the friend who will hop on the bus with you and drive when the limo breaks down. Then you will know who your real friends are.” In Hollywood she said ‘Until that happens you will never know who is your real friend or who is real. That’s why I don’t envy those who have 1000 friends . I envy those those who have 1-3 good friends because that’s what everyone in this town really wants”

That applies everywhere.

The Black Guy Always Dies First. Why? I don’t know. I just happen to notice these things

My friends were telling at a wedding I recently attended that one of the biggest clichés in Hollywood movies is that the black male actor in the movies always dies. Now I believe that the old adage is going the way of the Dinosaur cause no one would have killed off Larry Fishbourne as Morpheus’ In Night of the Living Dead (1968) the main character and ‘hero’ is a black guy, which is quite something considering when it was made.

In fact, the actor, Duane Jones, became the first African-American to be cast in a lead role of a major motion picture that did not specify the part had to be played by a black actor.

Regrettably, despite being the only survivor of the zombie attack, he is ultimately killed by white people. ._. So I thought it would be fitting if we could think of the 5 most glorious screen deaths. So since I was the only one sober of the 5 to take notes here is what happened…. it goes in no particular order

Jim Brown in “The Dirty Dozen”
First things first. Next to the Godfather,,best movie for “guys who like movies” Every man should be forced to watch this movie before they are allowed to go into puberty, You wanna be a man? Watch this movie first!!! EAT THIS RAW MEAT!!! Then we will talk. The Dirty Dozen was released before my time but i am sure. if you haven’t seen the movie You will have the same reaction
‘Hes going to make it…hes going to make it ..AW DAMM .he didnt make it “
We all hated to see him get it at the end . But if he had to go out at least he went out like a hero. The image of Jim Brown sprinting across the screen, dodging enemy fire is one of the most breathtaking scenes… It was talked about by Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle as he pretended to burst into tears. According to IMDB, Hanks and Garber improvised the scene on the spot. Great stuff.

It making me misty eyed right now

Samuel Jackson In Deep Blue SEA<

Now any movie that kills off Samuel Jackson and leaves LL CooL J alive has something fundamentally wrong. But I recommend that you watch it to see Sam go out in a blaze of glory. I remember when I watched that movie I was thinking “Finally a black guy manages to survive”. It was probably only because it was LL Cool J, and he was cool back then.

The writers already met there quota when they randomly killed Sam L Now if you havent seen the movie,, lucky you … AFTER the genetically engineered sharks who seem to be smarter than any one in the movie, make their first attack, the scared group gets together to regroup and Sam is attempting to calm them all.

Using his best Pulp Fiction Jules Winfield voice …”stay calm… we will get out of here”. I remember thinking … he’s getting to close to the water. Sure enough one of the sharks leaps out and drags Sam into the water kicking and screaming. It not believable …the movie is pretty bad… but it was awesome. The only thing that would have topped that would be if somehow the shark came back… looked at the others and said

“I’m sorry” “Am I breaking your concentration? ”

I wonder though if he had just eaten a Snickers with peanut butter before the shark ate him. I hear that’s what they prefer, according to recent shark focus groups.

Charles Dutton in Aliens 3

In Alien 3 Ripley wakes up in a prison colony with 2 of the creatures, one roaming, and one inside her. In an effort to trap the full-grown one, Roc must hold off the creäture while Ripley climbs up and pours a few thousand gallons of molten lead on the beast …clichéd? Yes! Predictable? yes!! Dutton screams ” is that all you got… Is that as hard as you can bite . He’s spitting like a cornered cat as he engaged the deadliest creatures now to man.. The only comparison it’s like being in a Room with the “Real housewives of New Jersey” or dreaming about Snooki over and over….As Charlton Heston Said ‘ its a madhouse A madhouse

Carl Weathers and Bill Duke In Predator
I think we all can remember the scene “I see you ” Bill Duke Hisses…. Some how Carl Weathers takes about 30 seconds to realize that hes looking at a 10 ft tall invisible reptile who moves at the speed of light. He stood a better chance fighting Ivan Drago in Rocky 4 ..With no visible shock says “hey i see it too. Nevertheless it was somewhat fun to watch Apollo meet his match. Bill Duke stood no chance. Funny though The weapon on the predator blew off Apollos arm ..Bill Dukes head and Jesse Ventura chest. The Terminator Arnie takes a direct hit to his shoulder and he gets a flesh wound MMM

Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man
Wesley Snipes grimaces and bares his pearly whites ( what’s the deal with that awful blonde hairdo?). Bad hair nevertheless he sure seemed to be having fun until he was freeze-dried by Healthy Choice . Kinda of wish SLY”said “Ice Ice Baby” I think that would have ranked right up there with “ASTA la VeeSTA baby The only thing i remember about that movie is the crush I had on Sandra Bullock. Wonder what ever happened to her

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HONORABLE MENTION:

In Stanley Kubrick’s 1987 war movie Full Metal Jacket, Eightball (played by Dorian Harewood) is the first to be killed in combat. Shot down by sniper fire, Eightball dies a slow and painful death as he is repeatedly shot from afar.

Ned Logan (Morgan Freeman) in the 1992 classic western, Unforgiven, is the first to get killed of the three main characters.

Something I realized right after writing the last post: Dennis Haysbert is the first to die in TWO different 90’s action movies. Who could forget the lovable Allstate dude in Heat. Picked up at the last minute by the crew of bank robbers as their driver, he is the first to get killed once the shit hits the fan. Haysbert plays Donald Breedan, a down on his luck parolee. Angered at his minimum wage job where he is forced to pay his boss a percentage out of his pay, he is approached by former crew member Neil McCauley (Robert DeNiro). With only seconds to decide to leave his job and go for one more run with the bad guys, he jumps on the opportunity and shoves his boss aside and goes for it. Then he gets shot in the head. Oops. Spoiler Alert.

Just as in Gremlins, the first guy to get killed is black AND also a teacher. Insightful Mr.Teasdale played by Frank McRae gets lit up with an AK to the chest by a just-landed Soviet troop in the 1984 movie Red Dawn. If you haven’t seen this one you are reaaaaallly missing out. This one features young Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, C.Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson and Baby from Dirty Dancing. What’s her name again? Ah, who cares.

From cult sci-fi classic Aliens we have Private Ricco Frost, played by Ricco Ross. He is the first named character in the movie to get killed. Set on fire accidently by a fellow marine and sent over the railing to his doom.

From the classic film Enter the Dragon, Jim Kelly as Williams. Of our three main characters including Bruce Lee and John Saxon, the black guy dies first.

Just don’t die like this !!!

A husbands Eulogy to his late wife; A true story that has been made into a Lifetime Movie

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision about someone . You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. Its not whispering pretty lies in the dark. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Its like being wrapped like a gift in understanding. ”

But unfortunately to many of come into a relationship with a check list. The allurement that relationships hold out to men and women is precisely the allurement that Moby Dick held out to Captain Ahab…they are enormously dangerous and hence enormously fascinating . “She is the most dangerous of playthings” Adam Smith wrote “the game women play is men”

But for some, what is a date, but a job interview that lasts all night. Love is like a game of poker. Some feel if they want to win their hand, then they should be careful not to show their cards before the other shows his. If dating is like shopping then having that approach is like being put on lay- away. Its like saying ‘I know i want it but i want to delay taking it home as long as possible”.

Love and relationships never die a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness, of errors, betrayals, and unrealistic expectations. It dies of illness, wounds, or withering and tarnishing.

One final thought. There was a man who I knew yrs ago who was broke and broken in many ways. His Fiance at the time was an aspiring lawyer and he was an Officer in the U.S. Army. One day he traveled back from Iraq where he was stationed to find that his girl stood him up. She broke up with him via a letter. It seems that she was in love with another who had money. It was July 4th 1992 when this happened.

It started to rain that day in NYC so he hopped on the subway. Across from him sat a woman. A beautiful woman. That day the subway was delayed and so they started a conversation. They both were going to see the fireworks and they were both alone that day. So they spent the whole night talking after seeing the show, at the 57th st deli . It was sunrise and he called for a limo. They promised to keep in touch.

For the next yr they talked on the phone and wrote numerous letters. In 1993 the met up again in Central Park NYC. At 1:33 pm he went to get something to eat. Some hot dogs from a stand that only a New Yorker would understand.

Out of the Blue he looked at her that day in a White and Yellow Sundress and said “would you marry me” At the same time he dropped two 32oz drinks and two Hot dogs with everything on it …on her lap. He had no rings that day. He was making about 32 grand at the time and she was making 6 figures plus. So the next two hrs were the worst he ever experienced with a woman. He thought he had blown his relationship with her . He took her shopping to replace her clothes and brought her all the things he couldn’t really afford.

It started to rain again later that day. He had to run to the bank because he was running out of money. It started to pour like the movie Forest Gump. He got out of the bank and started walking on Central Pk west and he saw her coming down the street. She was running and she ran right into his arms. ‘Do you still want to marry me ” she said. He said ‘yes” Two weeks later they were married.

They were married for 15 yrs. Until her death from in 2007 she was the engine that powered their success. They went from having nothing to being multi-millionaires…. living all over the world. He never cheated on her. For 3 yrs after her death he didn’t go on a date and threw himself into his work. He lived to make sure his now 10 yr old daughter was ok.

This is a man who twice a year pays for a child’s medical bills though the Make a Wish Foundation and the funds always come from “unknown donor”.

Most would say he’s a good-looking man,smart, well dressed and with a good heart. But most women never knew that to win his heart they had to be confident.

Their Love story is being made into a Lifetime original movie

Now that he is dating again he sees all the time the above events. The point is that wanting what someone else had or has is a sure path to being alone. Sometimes the one you need is right before your eyes.

You have to just open them…and then here comes the adventure

This is what he said at her eulogy

Did you know that I found heaven?. It’s true. I found heaven the day we made love and everyday since. And when we kissed you sent me flying, dancing on the clouds while the stars sent down some loving light to shine upon us.

You’re were beautiful person inside and out. You possessed the grace of a dove, soaring into a never-ending shock of blue and downy white. And you have all the kindness and love of an angel bathed in heavenly light.

That’s what you are to me–my very own angel, and I’ll always own a bit of heaven as long as you’re a part of my life.

Goodnight my love

May you all find love in your life also.

Eat , Pray Love …Help me choose a new Religion

Since most people who know me and my sense of humor say that the Greek Religion in me didn’t take. I thought I would look at the pros and con of some of the religions today and see if I can choose a new one. So in the famous words of the “Joker” HERE WE GO

Rastafarianism:

Pro: Not only is marijuana use accepted….. it’s basically a need
Con: I am pretty much locked into my look from here on. Somehow dreadlocks in public don’t seem to be the way to go
Pro: Wait what are we talking about / Pass the chips
Con: me woman not be able to understand em saying seen

Buddhism

Pro: Kick ass Buddhist monk kung foo skills NEO BABY !!!!
Con: Beastie Boys ….Richard Gere I will not be preached to
Pro: blissfully enlightened state
Con: I can be blissful being a Rasta Man and not have to wear orange robes

Judaism
Pro: Bar Mitzvah Baby what 13 yrs old …if I am converting then I am having one
Con: Too old for a Bris

Jehovah’s
Pro: Walking door to door is an excellent low impact work out
Con: No Christmas that aint right !!!!!
Con: Only 144 ,000 will make it to heaven The other 6.4 million practicing JW’S are out of luck

Catholicism:

Pro: Wine at church Nice and classy
Con: Being 12 with wine at church hmm wonder what that can lead to ???
Pro: All the sitting standing and give you some great QUADS AND GLUTS look out women !!!!

Scientology:

Pro: Tom Cruise John Travolta and Kelly Preston go to my church
Con: They are crazy
Pro: any “church that can be spoofed on South Park IS my KIND OF CHURCH
Con: How can we make a church sound any less appealing …I know lets put science in front of it

Mormonism

Pro: Multiple wives Big Love
Con: Multiple Wives with access to knives
Pro: The Osmonds …. had a crush on Marie
Con: Glen Beck and living in UTAH.

Santeria:
Pro: freaky hot-blooded island woman increase odds of amazing sexual experience :
Con: Freaky hot-blooded island women increase odds of a “machete incident ‘ and for your info there is no such thing as a good machete incident 😦
Pro: no problem getting chicken and goat for KICKIN montreal grilling

Native American

Pro: Peyote
Con: tedious well-meaning conversations about how fascinating the religion I am in is
Pro: Lax dress code
Con: Burning sage hurts my eyes

Hindu:

Pro: Vishnu Coolest God ever…POSSIBILITY that I could play for the Knicks or be a rock star in my future incarnation.. Meet Julia Roberts one day
Con: No Beef … No nochancepappy
Pro: easy pick up lines for wild chicks
Con: I would be offended by Abu

Satanism:

Pro: All bad things are now good
Con: Spending time with Goths… Ramone groupie’s here I come
Pro: Long list of people to sacrifice gets longer …..Bill O”Reilly Lock your door buddy
Con: Listening to bad albums backward

So dabbling in the dark side isn’t the way to Catwoman.. I need to know deep down who is the Queen of the Nice Religion …. being nice … mmmmm How do they do it…let me know because I feel Like Will Smith in the movie ‘I am Legend” Cant hold them off forever….and have this happen to me.

A Refugee camp in Darfur

A few yrs ago I went to the a refugee camp on stretch of the austere desert in Chad, just across the border from the Darfur region of Sudan with a family member who worked with Doctors without Borders. There I remember 14 yr old girl who malnourished, her family gone. I was told by the doctor that he believed she had been raped dozens of times and she wasn’t expected to survive.

I spent the night talking to her and the other children telling them all the childhood stories I could remember .. i wanted to make her smile and laugh. The next day she was moved. Through the magic of technology I was “friended” by her through Facebook. She is alive, healthy, living in England and said “she remembered me saying “never give up’ . The point is that you never know how you touched someone. I thought I would give this child one day of Happiness and that day as she said, was the day she felt that “there was still good in the world”‘ .

When you do things not expecting anything in return sometimes a greater good comes. The bottom line is that we all inhabit this earth for a short time…we all breathe the same air… we all travel on paths possibly never to come back. We are all mortal….so be someone memorable