Historic find from 2008.
SARAH PALIN’s “LOST” CONCESSION SPEECH FROM 2008!
Oh, jeez. Thank you. Jeez. Thank you. Jeez. Thank you. Thank you. Jeez.
My fellow Americans. I have three important words to say to you tonight:
Not. My. Fault.
Seriously: Look at John Mc over there. We never had a chance. He
couldn’t have won this election if I were Megan Fox in a bikini made of
old “National Reviews.”
Oh, don’t worry. That old moose can’t hear a damn thing over there. Look
at him smiling. Hey, maverick: Nice work on the economy! See? He can’t
But hear me tonight, America. You haven’t seen the last of me. I may
have been part of the losing team tonight, but like Jean-Claude Van
Damme said in my favorite movie, “Kindergarten Cops,” I’ll be back.
And next time, I’m doing it my way. No talking points. No sit-downs with
Katie Couric — who watches the CBS Evening News, anyway? Katie, I still
haven’t gotten you thank-you note for saving your job.
I’m not dragging my family around with me again, either. Look at poor
Todd. The hunky stage prop hasn’t tasted elk droppings or greased a snowmobile
chain in four months. My kids are angry, pregnant or both. Trig’s been
passed around onstage more than a Koran at an elite Washington media
But I’m coming back, America, because I care. I want our children to
grow up knowing America is a place where they can own a semiautomatic
and not “Catcher in the Rye.” I fear that Jesus gets less love in our
schools than a stegosaurus. I care than on any given day, my neighbors
in Russia (hi!) are planning a radical-Islamic takeover of our country
with PETA and Planned Parenthood. Bet you didn’t read about that in any
So see you soon. I’ve got your love, your attention and a pile of
pantsuits from Saks Fifth Avenue and I’m working on a plan to fleece you.
God bless America. Everyone and no one else… especially Bill Ayers and Keith Olbermann.
OK, your stage, old guy. No more hugs, I’m cutting you off.”