“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision about someone . You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. Its not whispering pretty lies in the dark. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Its like being wrapped like a gift in understanding. ”
But unfortunately to many of come into a relationship with a check list. The allurement that relationships hold out to men and women is precisely the allurement that Moby Dick held out to Captain Ahab…they are enormously dangerous and hence enormously fascinating . “She is the most dangerous of playthings” Adam Smith wrote “the game women play is men”
But for some, what is a date, but a job interview that lasts all night. Love is like a game of poker. Some feel if they want to win their hand, then they should be careful not to show their cards before the other shows his. If dating is like shopping then having that approach is like being put on lay- away. Its like saying ‘I know i want it but i want to delay taking it home as long as possible”.
Love and relationships never die a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness, of errors, betrayals, and unrealistic expectations. It dies of illness, wounds, or withering and tarnishing.
One final thought. There was a man who I knew yrs ago who was broke and broken in many ways. His Fiance at the time was an aspiring lawyer and he was an Officer in the U.S. Army. One day he traveled back from Iraq where he was stationed to find that his girl stood him up. She broke up with him via a letter. It seems that she was in love with another who had money. It was July 4th 1992 when this happened.
It started to rain that day in NYC so he hopped on the subway. Across from him sat a woman. A beautiful woman. That day the subway was delayed and so they started a conversation. They both were going to see the fireworks and they were both alone that day. So they spent the whole night talking after seeing the show, at the 57th st deli . It was sunrise and he called for a limo. They promised to keep in touch.
For the next yr they talked on the phone and wrote numerous letters. In 1993 the met up again in Central Park NYC. At 1:33 pm he went to get something to eat. Some hot dogs from a stand that only a New Yorker would understand.
Out of the Blue he looked at her that day in a White and Yellow Sundress and said “would you marry me” At the same time he dropped two 32oz drinks and two Hot dogs with everything on it …on her lap. He had no rings that day. He was making about 32 grand at the time and she was making 6 figures plus. So the next two hrs were the worst he ever experienced with a woman. He thought he had blown his relationship with her . He took her shopping to replace her clothes and brought her all the things he couldn’t really afford.
It started to rain again later that day. He had to run to the bank because he was running out of money. It started to pour like the movie Forest Gump. He got out of the bank and started walking on Central Pk west and he saw her coming down the street. She was running and she ran right into his arms. ‘Do you still want to marry me ” she said. He said ‘yes” Two weeks later they were married.
They were married for 15 yrs. Until her death from in 2007 she was the engine that powered their success. They went from having nothing to being multi-millionaires…. living all over the world. He never cheated on her. For 3 yrs after her death he didn’t go on a date and threw himself into his work. He lived to make sure his now 10 yr old daughter was ok.
This is a man who twice a year pays for a child’s medical bills though the Make a Wish Foundation and the funds always come from “unknown donor”.
Most would say he’s a good-looking man,smart, well dressed and with a good heart. But most women never knew that to win his heart they had to be confident.
Their Love story is being made into a Lifetime original movie
Now that he is dating again he sees all the time the above events. The point is that wanting what someone else had or has is a sure path to being alone. Sometimes the one you need is right before your eyes.
You have to just open them…and then here comes the adventure
This is what he said at her eulogy
Did you know that I found heaven?. It’s true. I found heaven the day we made love and everyday since. And when we kissed you sent me flying, dancing on the clouds while the stars sent down some loving light to shine upon us.
You’re were beautiful person inside and out. You possessed the grace of a dove, soaring into a never-ending shock of blue and downy white. And you have all the kindness and love of an angel bathed in heavenly light.
That’s what you are to me–my very own angel, and I’ll always own a bit of heaven as long as you’re a part of my life.
Goodnight my love
May you all find love in your life also.