Your fantasy girl may be judging your every move online. Too bad your social networking profile’s such a turnoff to the ladies. Here’s how to put your best face forward on the Web.
Sure, social networks LIKE Facebook give you access to more girls than the old analog world of generations past. Sadly, though, these young ladies may be more digitally privy than you. And they may be looking at your online profile right now, only to conclude that … you’re a jerk. These are things I have seen on FaceBook
Example: Think an ambiguous relationship status makes you mysterious? Well, nope. Actually, a girl eyeing this immediately thinks you’re hiding something or someone — or that you just want to keep your options open.
Here are five more things she may perceive as a red flag, and here’s how to avoid them:
You had a disagreement with your best buddy, hate your boss and can’t get bigger calves no matter what you do at the gym. And every online “friend” you have knows it. Because you told them so.
The about-face: Really, keep it inside. To hook a girl, you need to keep a few secrets, or at least try not to seem like a whiney pessimist. Pour your heart out after you’ve been dating for a few months — not on your wall. She may still think you whine but at least she’ll feel special that you whine to her.
Compromising Profile Photos
They show you can’t grow up, you’re not relationship material and you’re probably $10K in credit card debt because you put your vices — like those allegedly awesome rims in albums No. 1, 2 and 3 — on your card at a cool 27 percent APR.
The about-face: Swap these pictures out for something a little more conservative, such as something that actually, and accurately, features you — at a time when you’re not puking, fighting or wearing someone’s boxers on your head.
Constant Status Updates
It looks like you have no life. Seriously. If you do 60 quizzes per day and comment on everyone’s pictures, you’re probably unemployed or not the backbone of the company you say you are.
The about-face: Even if you do spend your weekends playing online backgammon, you can at least appear to be busy by curbing the urge to update every hour on the hour. And please wean yourself off the “Which Family Guy character are you?” quizzes.
A Defaced Wall
Your buddy posts the following message on your wall: “You’re the man! I couldn’t believe you and bowling babe last night in the parking lot!” The girl of your dreams sees this. She now knows the deal and wants nothing to do with you.
The about-face: Deactivate your wall or restrict who can view it.
You tell your girl you were visiting your sick grandma last weekend, when you were actually at a party with your ex. Once those bash pictures hit Facebook — especially if you’re tagged in any of them — your cover’s blown.
The about-face: Change your settings so you’re notified whenever anyone tags you and can un-tag yourself ASAP. (Or, you know, stop being a lying two-timer.)
Got it? Stop shooting yourself in the foot with your profile. Now you might actually have a chance with her.