A mans Guide to understanding women when its that “time of the month”… Or how to stay alive

Lesson 1 – The Basics

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been
given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that
begin with ”Nothing” usually end in “Fine”.
Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it.
Loud sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means
she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing.”
That’s OK: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she
wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you’re welcome.
Whatever: It’s a woman’s way of saying: “*!#@ YOU”

Lesson 2 – The Tricky Ones

Pay close attention: there will be a quiz later.
We need to talk: I need to complain
You’re … so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You’re certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?
I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting!: I’m on my period.
I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?: I’m going to ask for something expensive. Can occasionally mean the same as ‘How much do you love me?’
How much do you love me?: I wrecked the car on the parking lot.
I’ll be ready in a minute.: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Do you like this recipe?: It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it.
Was that the baby?: Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I’m not yelling!:Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

Lesson 3 – Philosophy

I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Be romantic, turn out the lights: I have flabby thighs.
Are you listening to me!?: Too late, you’re dead.
You have to learn to communicate: Just agree with me, or else….
This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.
I want new curtains: and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper….., and what about a new house?
Is my butt fat?: Tell me I’m beautiful.

Lesson 4 – Advanced classes

Yes: No
No: No
Maybe: No
I’m sorry.: You’ll be sorry.
You want: You want
We need: I want
It’s your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want: You’ll pay for this later.
Sure… go ahead: I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset: Of course I’m upset, you moron!
Hang the picture there: NO, I mean hang it there! Or there. Or there perhaps?
All we’re going to buy is a soap dish: It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe
department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and
did you bring your checkbook?

Extra class – The answer to “What’s wrong?”

The same old thing: Nothing
Nothing: Everything
Everything: My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really: It’s just that you’re such an asshole
I don’t want to talk about it: Go away, I’m still building up steam.

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3 responses to “A mans Guide to understanding women when its that “time of the month”… Or how to stay alive

  1. lol! Can’t deny some of those weren’t true! But one thing men should realise for their own good, is to not talk to a woman when she’s pulling up her tights. If you need to ask something, or you just want to chat while a woman is getting dressed, that’s fine… unless she’s in the middle of pulling up tights. Don’t say anything just then because she’s already annoyed. When the tights are up and still intact, it’s safe to talk again. 🙂

  2. Dude, this cracks me up. Thanks. As a girl I have to say that some of the things you mentioned are really true. Yeah, we are complicated creatures.

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