The Men’s Guide to What Women Really Mean when they say …

At long last… The Men’s Guide to what a woman really means when she says something. Pay close attention (there WILL be a quiz later).

You want
= You want

We need
= I want

It’s your decision
= The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want
= You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk
= I need to tell you whats gonna happen if we don’t

Sure… go ahead
= I don’t want you to.

I’m not upset
= Of course I’m upset, you moron!

You’re … so manly
= You need shower before I will ever let you touch me …its 1st door on the right .

You’re certainly attentive tonight.
= Is sex all you ever think about?

I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting!
= I’m on my period.

This kitchen is so inconvenient
= I want a new house.

I want new curtains
= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..

I need new shoes
= the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of what I need

Hang the picture there
= NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise
= I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?
= I’m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?
= I did something today you’re really not going to like.

I’ll be ready in a minute.
= Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Does this make me look fat?
= Tell me I’m beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate.
= Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!?
= [Too late, you’re dead.]

Yes
= No

No
= No

Maybe
= No

I’m sorry.
= You’ll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe?
= It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it.

Was that the baby?
= Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I’m not yelling!
= Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

All we’re going to buy is a soap dish
= It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and “Oh my GOD” those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

(The answer to “What’s wrong?”)

The same old thing
= Nothing

Nothing
= Everything

Everything
= My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really
= It’s just that you’re such an jerk

I don’t want to talk about it
= Go away, I’m still building up steam

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4 responses to “The Men’s Guide to What Women Really Mean when they say …

  1. I know that you meant this as a joke… but it’s true. Women can talk, they cannot communicate. They talk so much because it takes 4 or 5 times of telling a story for them to understand each other. Consequently they believe this is normal. Many would have you believe that testosterone is the source of aggressive behavior so men are just nasty. Did these same people ever stop to tell you that women also have testosterone? Women are very much competitive. They do not compete on a physical level… but on an emotional level. If they communicated clearly there would be no competition for them. Every conversation for a woman is planned, plotted, and used as a tool for competition… they don’t even think of it as communication, it’s passive aggressive competition. That is why your post is funny.

  2. The problem is … even when woman want to communicate directly to the man and tell them exactly what’s wrong instead of indulging in all this female-speak, the men may not exactly be open to listening and finding a collaborative measure to make the relationship work.

    Which makes me so happy to be single. Relationships are a pain.

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