I feel strongly about the classic male stereotype, particularly the negative ones. Having just seen Revolutionary Road I started thinking about Frank Wheeler, thinking about the hopeless emptiness of this sad man.
Frank Wheeler is the male stereotype that so many women meet and marry. Frank Wheeler is the man that so many women fear they will end up with. Frank Wheeler is so typical of so many men.
He is overwhelmed with fear but doesn’t see it like that. He fears that underneath there is truly nothing there (I know that because for years that was me, I was scared I would be found out, scared that the truth would come out).
He covers up that fear with concern for the children, promotion at work and a sense of responsibility for his wife. He pretends he wants to strike out for freedom, to go and find his passion, but he ends up like his mates and his colleagues. He settles for the ‘sensible’ option, a life of hard work and responsibility, such a male stereotype. He avoids the emotion but loses out on life.
Frank Wheeler is also scared of his wife, as so many men are. Not only does he not understand her, he doesn’t try to. He is afraid of her wildness and her unpredictability, he sees her as a stereotype of a nagging wife. Why can’t she be more like him, why doesn’t she make sense? Of course, she’s a woman and, like so many men, he doesn’t understand them let alone the female stereotype.
He gets caught up in her passion when they are young, but expects her to settle down when they get older, get a house and have children and that that is enough as it is for him. As the song says, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” In the end he just sees her as mad, needing a psychiatrist, and her death at the end just proves it to him.
Men, wake up and see your women for what they really are, passionate, wild, compelling, exotic, unpredictable, chaotic, loving and so in need of some strength and presence from their man.
You need to be a rock for her, strong and confident in yourself. You need to know yourself and you need to have conquered your fears. She needs to whirl around you and know you will still be there. She needs to have crazy ideas and know you won’t run away in fear. She doesn’t want you to control her or tell her what to do, but she wants you to understand her, even when she doesn’t understand herself. She wants you to know!
1. Start by loving yourself
This is not being selfish. If you are unable to love yourself you are unable to love someone else.
This is something men, particularly, have trouble with. They might respect themselves, think they’re absolutely amazing, but loving themselves, that’s a bit sissy.
No it’s not, it’s the basis of life and the basis of a balanced personality. Anyone has had a troubled relationship should look, first of all, to themselves, this is often where the trouble lies.
2. Tell her you love her
This means saying the words so she completely understands and is in no doubt about it. You love her. She needs you to say this all the time and she needs you to volunteer it, not say it in reply to her questioning.
The worst thing a man can say is, “You know I do.” She doesn’t, that’s why she’s asking… Duh…
3. Just love her for herself
Our women all have qualities we love in them, perhaps they’re smart, or sexy, or inspirational, or funny, or even rich. This is not why you love her, you love her just because of her, nothing else.
Your love is not conditional, it is not based on any special qualities. You love her.
Even though you celebrate everything that she is, even though you worship her for what she does in the world, she needs to know that you simply love her, no matter what. This is so crucial.
Whilst a man in love is an emotional being he must not stop being the man he is. Your love should come from the power inside yourself, from your very soul. The love must be part of your power as a man and it must be part of how you live.
You must remain just who you are, you must be the man she met and fell in love with.
She finds excitement in your masculine strength, particularly when it laced with love. Don’t ever let her down.
5. Don’t live in the past
Life does not always treat us well and we certainly don’t always treat life well. Things go wrong and we mess up all the time. Strife in our loving relationship is something to let go of once it’s over, it’s something to let slip into the past.
We must learn the lessons and move on ensuring that we don’t go there again. But we must never dwell on the past and use it to either beat ourselves up or to judge our partner.
Move on and live, always, in the present.
6. Get to know her
How often do you hear men say, “My wife doesn’t understand me.” What they really mean is, “I don’t understand my wife.” This is basic in learning how to love a woman.
Love can only grow and deepen through understanding. You can never get to the point where you think you know everything about her, no woman is that simple. She is a complex person that even she doesn’t understand.
You need to love her and get to know her with patience and determination.
7. Count your blessings
That means the blessings you have together, the things you have achieved together , all that you are as a couple.
This should be a regular part of your life together. While I said, above, don’t live in the past, it’s ok to recount the great things in the past. This must be tempered with looking at the amazing things you are going to do in the future.
As a rule of thumb it is advisable to expect a future way beyond one that you can imagine. Expectations can lead to frustration if they limit you, expecting them to go way beyond is a good step into the future.
8. Give love, always
Love is about giving rather than receiving. Love is a creative force that grows out of the desire to give more than you receive.
Yes, it is crucial that you are able to receive the love that is offered to you otherwise it quickly dies, but you have to focus on the contribution you make to her.
‘Give and you shall receive’, but give without expecting anything in return.
9. Pay attention to her
Women need attention all the time. It is absolutely vital for all men, wanting to know how to love a woman, to understand this. Many of the annoying habits that women have are merely attempts to get the attention of a man who is not paying her any attention. Take heed of them and pay attention.
Men are focused and directed and can easily lose themselves in what they are doing. This is one of the qualities that many women love in their men, but not to the exclusion of them.
Men need to find a balance that shows how important their woman is to them without losing their passion for their mission.
10. Start afresh each day
“Start again as if it was the first day of the relationship. Welcome her into your world and look forward to your day together. Give her your love and tell her you love her. Do it again in a different way and repeat. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you where to go from here.”
This refreshing of your love will keep it alive and bring you closer to each other. Through this your love will deepen and become an essential part of everyday you spend together.
So what is love… really?
It’s an overwhelming emotion you have about another person, an emotion that you can’t truly explain but you can’t get rid of. It makes you want to be with that person, hold them, touch them, have sex with them. It shows itself as an exchange of energy, a polarity, that excites your soul. Love makes you feel great and totally transforms life. Love is worship of the other person, the woman who is divine for you. Love with the right woman is the power house behind our lives, it is the very reason to live. To bad so many of us realize it when its time to get off the stage.