“He gives him of that which is alive in him; he gives him of his joy, of his interest, of his understanding, of his knowledge, of his humor, of his sadness — of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in him. In thus giving of his life, he enriches the other person, he enhances the other’s sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of aliveness. He does not give in order to receive; giving is in itself exquisite joy. But in giving he cannot help bringing something to life in the other person, and this which is brought to life reflects back to him. ”
― Erich Fromm
There are a number of reasons why people fall in love. Some people fall in love for the right reasons. Others do it out of lack of confidence. They do not want to be alone, which is not a good enough reason. I looked at the two grounds: the right reason and the wrong reason.
1. Right reasons
Here, people fall in love because they want to offer someone something good that they have. They want to be with someone not as to depend on him or her but to share their life with them. They have something good to offer and they want something good in return. They want to spend time with someone not because they are scared to be alone but because they enjoy the other person’s company. They are not in the relationship with closed eyes but open eyes. They can see all; the good and bad happening, and they are ignoring the bad because they are scared to be alone, or because they feel embarrassed that it’s happening to them.
Being in love is about giving and receiving what is good. Please, underline the word good. Most people miss this point. A lot of people love the idea of being in love but not the actual fact. If many people understand the real reason of being in love and what being in love is, there would be less divorce, heartbreaks, suicides, violence and anything else that is related to bad breakups or bad relationships.
How can you tell someone you love him or her when you cheating on him or her. How can you tell someone that you love him or her when you can’t even stand the way him or her treats you.
How can you say that you are in love when you always fight? How can you say that you are in love when you don’t have the same goals? He wants to have children and you don’t to have children. The relationship is doomed from the start. You are only together because you don’t want to be alone. You love the idea of being in love but you are not actually living it. You can’t be in love if you are not in love.
The other reason why people fall in love is because people like to be treated nicely. They like to live in a good environment and be with people who know and understand them. In essence love does fulfill this. You can get this kind of environment from your family or friends or strangers but it is not within a time frame. It can end anytime and also family, friends and strangers won’t always have time for you. They have their own lives to live. So as much as they love you, they can’t guarantee that they will always here for you.
People also have sexual needs and thus they also want to be in an environment where that need, will be met when necessary. Thus, being in love ‘guarantees’ both of this: the niceness and the sex. Thus a person is free to do whatever he or she wants, knowing that he or she have someone who cares for their person and is ‘always’ there for him or for her physically, emotionally and sexually. This is the ultimate human desire and every human being seeks to achieve this point of their life (being in love).
Because being in love is about assurance. Whoever gives you the assurance is the one you fall in love with. It even makes it easier if you have a lot in common.
A twenty-years old girl can fall in love with a sixty-years old man and vice versa. And it has happened in a lot of cases where people with a big age gap have fallen in love.Anyone can fall in love but not all do it for the right reasons.
2. Wrong reasons
There are a lot of people who fall in love for the wrong reasons and because of this, they can’t be in love. Being in love is a wonderful thing and some people just like the idea of it.
But in order to be in love, you have to be in love with someone. And this is where the trouble arises. Because some people love the idea of being in love so much, they end up falling in love with the first person that is a little bit nice to them. They don’t take their time to know the person. And even if the person shows signs of hurting them in the future, they ignore the signs. They are more concerned about being with someone, than being with someone who really loves and cares about them. It takes a long time to know a really good person but it only takes a short time to know a bad person. A good person is there but you just don’t notice because you are too busy looking everywhere else other than next to you. A bad person is at a far distance, all you have to do is look up and they will come over to you. A lot of people (girls especially) are scared of being alone. Thus they always end up falling for the wrong person because their logic mind is clouded with the desire to be with someone, anybody that shows interest in them. They don’t assess the person. All they care about is that he/she doesn’t come on to strongly. They don’t care about his looks, what he does for a living, his interests and future plans. We are constantly told not to worry about these things; looks, money etc. But if you are going to commit to someone, you will have to do so knowing how, the lack of or having these things will affect your relationship in the future.
Most relationships end because people change their minds. For example, they hook up with someone without money and they don’t have money either. It seems good at first with all the love and sex but you have to survive as well. And so when the times get tough, they pull out of the relationship. They can’t handle having no money and this leads to them to do more worrying and struggling than loving and enjoying life.
I should point out that there are a lot of people who have had successful relationships with only a little bit of money. Money isn’t everything to those who can live without it.
In another case, someone would go out with a fairly unattractive person because they don’t want to be alone. They ignore the unattractiveness instead of accepting it. The relationship is good at first because of all the adrenaline of being with someone new and the sex offered. Thereafter, the adrenaline goes down and they are forced to look at the person and realize that they can’t handle their unattractiveness and start looking for a way out of the relationship. Any quarrel or opportunity to meet someone else is taken as a reason to breakup.
Most relationships are not over, on the day someone says it’s over, but weeks, months or years in advance. You were just looking for the perfect time to tell someone and also the embarrassment of not being able to honor your commitment, love puts you off from telling that person until you are discovered of cheating on them, or forced to, out of anger during an argument.
People also fall in love to show off. The love the idea of being in love so much and they don’’ want to be left out. They want everyone to see that they can be loved as well.
There are the ones who normally talk about their partner and how much they love them, all the time to their friends. There is a difference between being happy and showing off. To them it’s not just a matter of I have a wonderful partner but, see what he did for me, look at us, observe closely, keep watching, listen. The whole relationship is superficial. It’s a show mostly put up for their friends and anyone in close proximity. This is a relationship that doesn’t involve planning for the future, sharing ideas, growing together. But it’s more of being together for everyone to see that you are not alone.
A lot of young girls fall into this. A lot of young guys love to show off too.
People should realize that there is nothing wrong with being single because it gives you time to make yourself a better person for your partner.
A lot of time is spent and wasted looking for the right person instead of making yourself the right person. Instead of looking for Mr/Ms. Right, be Ms/Mr. Right, and Right will find you, and vice versa.
If you want something good, you should be willing to offer something good
We live in a world where we spend a lot of time asking ‘what can you give me?’ rather than asking ‘what will I give you?’
If you get without giving, you are most likely to lose what you get.