Men are renowned for doing stupid things. In fact, every time a man’s member is involved in a situation, nothing but stupidity is likely to flow from his mouth.
Men have earned that reputation with women and deservedly so after countless years of unimaginative excuses such as, “I didn’t know she was going to take her clothes off,” or “I thought I told you I was meeting my ex for dinner” or even better, “I don’t know how to wash dishes!”
Men say dumb things and sometimes do dumb things, but women aren’t immune from occasional screw ups. The difference between men and women is that when women do something brainless, they tend to take it to another level.
I am far from being Mr. Perfect, but women aren’t always on the ball either. When they are guilty of a blunder, it tempts men everywhere to join the priesthood. Here are my personal pet peeves about women.
Going back to bad boyfriends
How many times have we seen this happen? A woman who has been in a terrible relationship finally finds the courage to break free, only to unceremoniously go back to her terrible boyfriend or husband months later.
This puzzles me to the same extent that the creation of the universe does. In most cases, the guy is genuinely rotten. Among his faults: he didn’t love her, treated her like a slave, didn’t appreciate her, or may have even slapped her a couple of times. But to some women, all is forgiven once the six-month restraining order expires.
Why is it that when we are in a relationship, women always accuse us of being unable to change, yet they assume a couple of months apart will somehow miraculously transform us into the male incarnation of Mother Teresa?
Most women need to wake up. Some men don’t change, they just become bitter and vengeful. Do women think we cheated on them before? Guess what? Now that we know they’ll take us back after we screw up, they should get ready for a steady dose of heartache.
I feel no remorse for women who return to terrible relationships. If they aren’t smart enough to realize what they’re doing, why should we care? I don’t know, but we still do. That’s why I feel compelled to repeat myself. For all the ladies out there reading this, remember: if you left him once , there was a valid reason for it.
Freaking out over casual sex
In many ways, we live in an even more sexually open society now than we did in the swinging 60’s or 70’s. It seems like wherever we go, we are bombarded with sex, feeding our desires and being free to experience our sexuality.
So, as a society, we have indulged and begun living out this lifestyle. Last time I checked, this society consisted of both male and female participants, therefore, it isn’t only men pushing this new social agenda. Women can’t go around saying, “all men are pigs” while using their own sexuality to get ahead in life.
With so many things in our lives changing every day, it’s understandable when two people forgo a formal relationship in lieu of casual sex. Men love casual sex. Deep down, we all want to be married to the perfect wife, with the perfect 2.3 kids and 1.2 dogs, but this isn’t realistic.
To the men who do find this kind of marital bliss, I could only say that I sincerely envy you. For the rest of us whose lives are so hectic that we miss birthdays like we miss appointments, the optimal solution is casual sex.
Women also love casual sex. Men have always secretly known that the real sexual predators are female; behind all the coy glances and hard-to-get attitudes, women are much more sexual than we are. So when a man and woman engage in casual sex, why is the man always the villain?
You don’t just have casual sex; it’s not like raindrops falling from the sky. Casual sex is the result of an understanding between a man and woman that they are about to consummate a physical relationship. It’s understood before the first touch; it’s about sex — nothing else.
So why do women still insist that you commit to a relationship afterwards? Not every woman does this, but many do. Women shouldn’t feel used or any less special because they are in a casual sexual relationship. It works both ways and if she feels used, why shouldn’t the man? Men don’t feel taken advantage of because they understand that casual sex is about satisfying their “mini-me” and libido and not about seeking their soul mate.
The last thing that really irks me about women is that they assume men are blind. When a woman asks us if we think her dress is pretty or if the flowers in her garden are beautiful, we are expected to recognize and acknowledge the beauty of these things. So why is it that when a beautiful woman walks past us, we can’t acknowledge her too?
If I see a great car, I make a comment. When watching a hockey game, I acknowledge a good slapshot or a well-executed powerplay goal. When I eat good Chinese food, I let everyone know how tasty it is.
So why oh why do women assume that the eyes we have should all of sudden go blind at the sight of a good-looking woman? I am secure enough to recognize a good-looking guy, so why should it be any different with an attractive woman?
Women don’t realize that men have radars, the kind that are so sophisticated that the CIA is envious. We can spot a pair of nice legs a mile away. So don’t expect us to all of a sudden become Stevie Wonder at the first sign of an even remotely attractive woman.
Being slightly jealous is sweet, but being possessive doesn’t cut it. Granted, there are plenty of men who suffer from the same problem, but that’s a whole other bag of worms. My advice to women on this topic is simple: unless your partner is undressing a woman with his eyes, don’t say anything and move on.
I have no illusions of grandeur. I know that one article won’t change the world, but if even one woman changes just an iota, I’ll be happy. I’m tired of bad advice; I’m tired of this political correctness bulls that plagues people. I’m tired of people doing the same stupid things. Men and women of earth, learn from me because I won’t be here forever. Okay, that’s enough self-serving self-indulgence for one day.
Once again, remember: bad boyfriends will always be bad; if you can’t hack a casual sex relationship, then don’t start one; and men aren’t bats — they see everything.