It`s hard not to feel pressure in this industry and I already use anti-aging products on my skin. I try not to let the pressure get to me but Los Angeles is a very hard place to be unless you have people here that love you. It can be very, very lonely, and it can eat you up if you don`t take care of yourself.
– Scarlett Johansson
Being successful doesn`t change things. There`s a painful, lonely part of acting because you`re always waiting. The thing about being a performer is doing, and when you have to wait, it`s the same pain as when you`re starting out and have no job. You think that thing will go away, but it doesn`t. It just shifts. I remember Robert Duvall saying that being a successful actor is all about finding interesting hobbies, because if you don`t have the right hobby, you die slowly. It`s very hard to maintain interest. Most actors don`t. They become a little clichéd. You learn how to do tricks and stuff to survive or you will be very alone
I’ve discovered as I’ve grown up that life is far more complicated than you think it is when you’re a kid. It isn’t just a straightforward fairytale.
Fame always brings loneliness. Success is as ice cold and lonely as the North Pole bringing “Loneliness. Isolation. Invisibility.”
You ask “Eleanor Rigby?”
I say “No. Your co-worker. The person next to you in the grocery store. The new CEO they just hired. The person who just repaired your washing machine. It’s all around you. Including the movie star to see on Facebook.
I think I didnt recognize this about someone until today. I’ve been hearing this issue come up among friends in LA for several years now but I’ve never brought it in to the light for me to talk about collectively. It’s time I did.
Here’s what I am hearing from friends:
“I feel like my purpose is to just make money for my family…I’m a huge wallet to them. I don’t really matter.”
“I’ve been there for everyone and everything else…I give myself to my job, my spouse, my kids, my extended family, the bills. Honestly, when you ask me what I want, I don’t even have enough of a relationship with myself to be able to know. I keep thinking ‘if I only had time for myself’, but I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I did.”
“People keep telling me I should be grateful. I have so much. I feel guilty because I know they are right in a way but I can’t help thinking that there has to be more than this. It seems like all I do is work, watch TV, crash, and start all over again. I’m not passionate about my life or what I do. This can’t be all there is.”
“I’m really lonely. The truth is, I don’t REALLY have friends that understand me and get where I’m coming from. Sure, we go out and have dinner, and see people socially, but it isn’t like I can confide in them. They don’t seem to think about the same things I do. I yearn for those conversations that used to happen in the wee hours when I was in college but now we just seem to end up talking about movies, and the kids and what we are thinking of buying next for the house.”
I’m hearing comments like these from every corner…doctors, business executives, stay-at-home parents, coaches , IT professionals, service professionals, entrepreneurs, those out of the workforce due to illness or retirement…men and women, adults of all ages.
So, you see, loneliness, isolation, alienation, confusion. It’s built right in to the mix. If you are feeling this yourself, please know you are not alone. FAR from it. It’s all around you.
I’m entirely serious about this. I hear the pain every day (and the joy that comes with living more authentically in accordance with one’s values). This is a hard path. I’ve been on it for a long time. Every day I am heartened to see more and more people daring to challenge the status quo of their lives.
If you’ve been feeling it, just know you aren’t the only one going through this.
I saw two movies recently. “Somewhere” by Sofia Copella and “Crazy Stupid Love” with Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling,
In Somewhere” Johnny sits in his room alone and stares into space. Swills a beer. Nothing is happening. Amid a bevy of gorgeous party babes, he falls down some stairs and breaks an arm.
He orders up a pair of twin pole dancers to come to his room, and their performance is at first comical and semi-erotic. But it goes on so long it might as well be wallpaper. Even Johnny falls asleep.
Finally, I got it. Johnny may be a big star, but he has no real life. Just this boring existence between career appointments that are filled with talking on the phone to his publicist or dealing with his special-effects makeup artist, his masseuse, or whatever available woman catches his eye for a drink and a quick roll in the hay.
“Somewhere” is something like Coppola’s “Lost in Translation,” in which Bill Murray was trapped in a Tokyo hotel, secluded, feeling depressed, separated from caring people but surrounded by hoopla. But like Murray’s character, Johnny Marco is hard to feel sorry for.
Coppola’s movie is a seering indictment of a certain kind of celebrity life, An empty life.
In the other Ryan Gosling is playing what I used to be in my twenties. He is a lounge lizard and pickup artist, and in “Crazy, Stupid, Love,” he has as much bulls#!t as if he’d been Zach Galifianakis all of his life. This guy seems to leave every night with the woman of his choice. Jacob observes Cal’s morose presence at the bar, overhears his bitter monologues and insists on giving him some tips. This leads to lectures on pickup techniques and one of those makeover montages in which Cal acquires correct shoes, shirts, suits and a haircut. But Jacob is essentially a lonely fool and he falls head over heels for a irresitable Emma Stone .
Tennessee Williams wrote: “We are all sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins, for life.” By solitary confinement he was referring to the cage or prison called loneliness. Loneliness and aloneness are not the same. Aloneness is a state of being, while loneliness is a state of mind. We all know people who live alone and are perfectly happy. Yet, the opposite is also true. There are people who, despite their families and friends, have a gnawing feeling of loneliness that eats away at them. They feel disconnected from the world and usually suffer in silence.
Loneliness is both pervasive and unavoidable. Temporarily experiencing loneliness after the death of a spouse or child is normal. But after loneliness is triggered by an event, care must be taken to immediately begin on the road to recovery, even if it takes a year or longer to heal completely. If we do not aggressively attack it, there is the danger of getting mired in chronic loneliness. It is at such a time that we sentence ourselves to solitary confinement.
Some of the many events that can trigger loneliness are: retirement, job loss, a career setback, death of a loved one, a sudden disability or serious illness, substance abuse, discrimination, estrangement, imprisonment, shyness, children leaving home, relocation, divorce or the end of a relationship, obesity, isolation, rejection caused by ones sexuality, mental or physical abuse, real or imagined rejection, homelessness, and the absence of spiritual, religious or life-affirming beliefs.
Loneliness-triggering events for children include, criticism, corporal punishment, sexual abuse, their parents divorce, not enough time spent with working parents, transfer to a new school, and schoolyard bullying.
Even the rich, famous, and powerful can suffer from loneliness. For example, they may be suspicious of the motivation of everyone in their lives. After all, it may be difficult to distinguish between sincere friends and groupies that merely wish to share in the limelight.
How should we respond when a loneliness-triggering event occurs in our lives? There are only two things we can do. We can allow the event to seize control over our lives, or we can remain in control. If we choose to succumb to loneliness and wallow in self-pity, our negative attitude will drive others away, isolating us, and thereby beginning the dangerous downward spiral that can lead to chronic loneliness. On the other hand, we can recognize that loneliness is a natural and inevitable experience that will defeat some and strengthen others. We can choose to join those who decide to overcome their suffering. Why not become a victor instead of a victim?
So why do I use Rachel McAdams as an example. I read recently her thoughts on finding true love and the possibility of never finding it. I have never personally met her except though the technology of Facebook. I wonder how someone so intelligent,beautiful and famous could express the feeling of being so alone. Having so many public relationships can be difficult. Watching her past fiance, Ryan Gosling career explode has to be difficult also. But being the eternal romantic I will believe somewhere there will be a man who will come into her life, it wont matter who he is, and write these words
Hey my gorgeous _______! 😉
How have you been doing today?
Just wanted to let you know that I love you, and am looking forward to seeing you again in the evening.
I miss your sweet lips, your lovely hands when they touch me, your beautiful eyes with a depth of an ocean, and your body warmth next to mine.
So honey, come back home soon cuz I’m waiting for you with open arms.
Love you and you are beautiful forever!
Till then “Somewhere”