Help me settle a little bet here. Which on the downside celebrity would sell the most magazines if she chose to pose for Playboy? I know not much has been left to the imagination, but I say it’s Britney Spears. My buddy says Jennifer Aniston. And how much longer will we have to wait for the Jennifer Love Hewitt pictorial? Talk about needing a career boost.
This sparked a heated debate with me and some friends a few weeks ago. Here was the consensus:
Britney — Hard to believe she barely cracked the top-five, but we’ve just seen too many pictures of her smoking cigs with her white trash husband. They always look like they’re about 10 minutes away from being busted on “Cops.” And has there ever been a bigger freeloader than Kevin Federline? Should we just pencil him in now for the 2011 edition of “I’m a Celebrity Rehab, Get Me Out Of Here”?
Jessica Simpson — Baring it all in the controversial “I’m only trying to get back at my father!” spread. There’s something decidely un-sexy about her though.
Anna Kournikova — Although she’d be much better off “accidentally” leaking a sex video. That could cause the entire internet to crash.
Lindsay Lohan — A solid runner-up choice because we could solve the “Implants: Yes or no?” dilemma once and for all. I’d be combing through those pictures like Gil Grissom in CSI looking for carpet hairs on a dead hooker.
The winner …
The Olsen Twins — For the inevitability. For the morbid curiosity. For the sheer magnitude of the whole thing. I just feel like this would be the “Where were you when JFK died?” moment of magazine issues. Everyone would have to see. Sure, we’d be looking at two girls who weigh a combined 65 pounds, and the results would be invariably depressing and possibly scarring … but yes, everyone would have to see. Everyone. So there you go.