Yesterday I ran into the one Hollywood actress at the airport who I probably would willingly be Homeless if It meant a chance to date her. She has been a fantasy for a lot of men since the mid 90’s. She was smaller than I thought, and much more beautiful in person than I imagined. What made it more fascinating was that she was the nicest person she could be. I talked to for almost 2 hr’s and you never got the impression it was about “being a Star” or being her and the burden of it all
When I was growing up I didn’t have multiple women when I was in high school or college. I was a diligent student, kind of nerdy, shy and in love with this tall blond. I could have been Steve Corell in The “40 yr old Virgin if events were different. I had potential of a truck driver if I applied myself. In fact my life was like a Lifetime movie about someone battling a rare disease. Just when you thought I would survive and get the Girl, I would have a freak accident, out would come the proverbial banana peel and I would slip and crack my head open on the one rock in the beautiful field of grass.
But something magical happened years later. Success and Travel came my way and before I knew it “unapproachable woman” were no longer being used in my language.
It didn’t take long to understand that a new kind of woman was interested in me, the sort of woman who in the past had stirred my insecurity. It was like a kid finding Batman’s belt in the lost and found. No point in giving it back until you’ve tried all your new powers. But you forgot to ask, will I be able to stop once I’ve tasted these powers?
Superficially, in Hollywood, the new bar for women was set based on the physical: some sort of exterior beauty, along with fame, sophistication, wild-child possibility, flirtation with the dark side.
As you climb the ladder, your social confidence explodes. You receive the sort of attention you never did when you were younger. It is addictive, and when you are in it, there seems to be no end in sight. The attention increases tenfold when you are dating a Hollywood Star. You become a star also.
But that life isn’t rooted in good practices; it’s more like, “flash your badge and they will come.” Your confidence is based on a pack mentality, strong in numbers. You can push aside the inconvenience of having to start a conversation — just by being in the V.I.P. section , the conversation is started for you. If you have a well-connected friend or an entourage to find you a companion, you might not need conversation at all. But you are not the “star” she is, Your existence is based on her. However your ego can’t tell the difference
The above dynamic grows exponentially, and before you can blink, your bad relationship habits are written and you become everything you complain about. It is amazing how easy it is, if you are not careful and grounded, to start seeing women/others as another accessory in your life. Its amazing also how you can look past it and not see the reflection in the mirror that caused the problem.
Reducing a relationship to time, money and X is usually a bad way to start. Relationships can get crafted around their whims. The spiritual significance of an enduring commitment falls by the wayside, giving way to limits and rules defined by the ego.
Although it doesn’t have to be this way, relationships can become part of the world of ego and illusions. No one is right for you, or good enough. Everyone is disposable. Witness the marrying up …dating down, adventures of Tiger Woods, Arnold and now Rep Wiener. You feel superior.
I was reminded of this when I ran into an old Hollywood girlfriend in Calif last month.
At the time she was the most beautiful woman I had ever see. A Hollywood actress who was constantly at the Playboy mansion It was like Jessica Rabbit had come to life. I was determined to make her mine. She had told me she had “dated’ George Clooney and Bruce Willis but I was what she wanted and I showered her with gifts and trips. But nothing about her was real as I was to find out including her name. Years later she was still looking for ‘Mr GoodBar” …still looking for a man who would treat her like a princess and no longer a choice for movies roles.
When I asked her of all the men who had come into her life wasn’t there one ?. She said she had been engaged 6 times but changed her mind. 12 yrs later she now sits in a bar in LA paying for yesterday, on Match.com with pictures from 10-15 yrs ago.
The thought now is if I were a up-and-coming actor, you would try to hook up only with A-List female celebrities. It’s like buying $50 million of free advertising. Kris Humphries is a genius. Oh, wait, he’s not an actor. Scratch that.
So lets say you’re Justin Theroux dating Jennifer Aniston or Adam Shulman dating Anne Hathaway. Men who seem to have no prospects of a career other than being a photo back round for their girlfriend. (Friends with Benefits) and the other known more for stealing a mural in NYC in 2010.
For example in seven years Jennifer Anniston has made, 11 movies, eight clunkers, one above-average (for her) performance and only two solid box-office successes. Two for 11? Certainly nothing to put her on par with Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts or Reese Witherspoon. The other “Friends” stars faded into B- and C-list obscurity (or in Matt LeBlanc’s case, F-list), so why didn’t she?
The short answer: Because of the Angelina/Brad/Jennifer love triangle, which is like Brett Favre’s comeback/retirement/comeback routine multiplied by 10, but has been cruising along for twice as long. The saga evolved in various forms: the betrayal itself; the aftermath, when Anniston licked her wounds as “Brangelina” took off; her futile search for a bounce-back boyfriend; the Brangelina clan expanding; everyone feeling worse and worse for Aniston, with her finally admitting that she was still bummed out; the Brangelina clan expanding again; Aniston’s weird dalliance with the much younger John Mayer, which ended when he talked out of school about her; the Brangelina clan expanding again; Aniston approaching her 40th birthday and wanting a baby; the Brangelina clan producing twins; Aniston hitting 40 with no baby or husband; Aniston passing 40 with no baby or husband; and now we’re here.
People can’t get enough of this stuff. Us Weekly throws Aniston on its cover every few weeks — and if they can work Angelina into the split-cover, even better — just because Aniston resonates with women like no other celebrity. No matter how wealthy or famous or good-looking she is, the nuts and bolts of Aniston’s “tragic” story could have happened to anyone: She lost her scummy husband to a seductive co-worker. Maybe it was the worst thing that ever happened to her personally, but professionally? Godsend. She became America’s adorable little victim for seven years. People don’t read Us Weekly to see pictures of happily married couples. They read for drama. Tragedy. Betrayal. Acrimony. They read to see someone’s life spinning out of control, or to compare two people wearing the same dress, or to see someone taking out the garbage who’s “just like us.”
Aniston’s life resonates with that demographic better than anyone. Now she’s 42, still hunting for a man, her ovaries rumbling like Earl Campbell, but we’re all a little confused because … I mean, how could Jennifer Aniston, of all people, not find a man? How could someone that attractive need a friend to set her up on dates? What the hell is going on here? Is she secretly super-annoying? Is she terrible in bed? . Are her standards simply too high? Does she still pine for Pitt and any potential mate can sense it?
You’re not going to believe this, but I have a theory …
I think it’s all a farce. I think she gravitates toward guys who could never be a potential husband (seriously, John Mayer?) and FWBs (friends with benefits) over actually finding herself the right match. And here’s why: The longer this drags on, the longer she stays on the A list. Staying single, ending up with the wrong guys, pining for a baby but never having one … career move, career move, career move. Keeps her on magazine covers. Keeps people saying “I feel bad for Aniston, Brangelina really screwed her over; her life’s never been the same.” Keeps a built-in publicity buzz for every crappy movie she promotes. Really, it’s genius.
Aniston transferred that dynamic to the Hollywood world. Say she remarried in 2006 to one of those Rande Gerber-type rich guys who owns cool bars that are in hip hotels. And let’s say they had a kid in 2008. And another one this year. By 2010, would anyone care about Jennifer Aniston? NO!!!!!!!! Only if she was making good movies. Which, obviously, she doesn’t want to do. She’s happy being a likable celebrity with decent comic timing who plays herself in every movie (with only her hairstyle and co-star changing). I think that’s intentional, too. She could have taken more acting chances — remember how good she was in “Office Space,” or as the sexually frustrated wife in “She’s The One” — but seems much more interested in protecting her brand. You can’t differentiate between Aniston when she’s being interviewed, acting in a movie or staring at you on a magazine cover anymore. It’s all the same. That’s the way she wants it.
I say she’s much smarter than we think. Unlike with sports, she knows it’s better for her career if she never gets that ring. She will continue dating co-stars, bad-boy musicians and people with lousy hair for the foreseeable future. You watch. So feel sorry Justin but don’t feel sorry for Jennifer Aniston. She’s laughing all the way to the bank.
My fantasy Hollywood woman I met is over 40. (It’s not Anniston).
I could have easily been like any other figure who fell for the little guy with the pitchfork on his shoulder who tells you, “It’s all good, go younger..no one will know,…use who ever you can to get what you want… you can get away with it.” Don’t worry about tomorrow”. But that little guy on the Hollywood shoulder doesn’t tell you that in the real world, you don’t get away with it because even when you are the only one who knows, that is enough to destroy you. It just will happen from the inside out.