“Guys say the stupidest things.” Say any of the below and you will be screaming like Sam Kinison. That’s a near universal female maxim. And let’s face it: there’s more than a grain of truth in it. We guys do say some pretty idiotic stuff. Thing is, we rarely mean to. In fact, we often don’t even know that we did! What to do? Channel your fifth grade teacher and remember to think before you speak. Behind otherwise benign statements lurk some rather, well, stupid stuff.
Everybody crosses the line once in a while in a heated argument with their mate. Yep, your big mouth can get you in trouble and if the verbal offense is serious enough, it can be a relationship buster.
While every woman has her special hot buttons, there are some things that are a safe bet to tick her off big time. Here’s my rundown of 20 things you should never say to your mate. I’m sure you can come up with a few more. Avoid them at all costs. Never is a strong word. This is serious stuff especially if you want to live to 50
1. “My ex was a better cook.” Women are competitive (guys are, too) and for some reason, it really kicks in for most of them when their culinary talents are questioned. Maybe it’s some deep-seated maternal instinct, but bite your tongue and eat up, unless a can of cold beans sounds good to you because your night will be like this.
2. “I’ve had better sex.” Repeat: women are competitive, especially when it comes to keeping their man happy, as in lovemaking and food. And, nobody in a committed relationship wants to hear about their mate’s past sexual escapades. Especially if you ever want to have sex again
3. “Ask her “How many men you’ve really had sex with.” I’m not advocating lying here, but unless you were a saint before you met her, this is a trap with permanent consequences. Whatever number you report, she won’t forget it. The higher the number, the bigger the potential doghouse.
4. “Your girlfriend is really hot.” You may find her friend extremely attractive but you better not tell her that. Even if she says her friend is pretty, don’t agree too enthusiastically. Jealousy is a powerful emotion, for the most secure women dont ever want to hear this …. Welcome back to the Dog HOUSE my friend
5. “You need to lose weight.” It may be true that she’s packed on a few pounds but she knows that so you don’t need to verbalize it. Besides, anything that requires will power like losing weight or quitting smoking is an individual thing—you can’t make her do it anyway and she’ll just resent you for trying. Even Abe Lincoln cringed when asked that question
Shortly after this, Abe also made a history by becoming the first man ever to spend a night on he couch.
6. “I’m smarter than you.” We all have strengths and weaknesses and there’s a good chance you’re better at something than she is (and vice versa). Just don’t verbalize it. That will give her the impression you think you’re smarter than she is—dumb move. Even a caveman knows this one.
7. “I make more money than you.” Everyone likes to believe that a relationship is a partnership of equals, and rubbing a big inequity in her face is a surefire way to make her feel inadequate. She’ll start to resent you for it. Remember, money is a leading cause of divorce and possibly living in ‘Al Bundy Hell” sitcom
8. “I can’t stand your family.” Even if the in-laws are total jerks and she knows it, she doesn’t want to hear it from you. It’s still her family and blood is thicker than water. Be smart and let her do the ragging about her family.
9.“After everything that I’ve done for you?!”This is playing the guilt card, which may work now and then, but at a steep cost. It suggests that, at the end of the day, your relationship is one based on points reflecting who’s done what for whom. And you might want to reflect long and hard before you suggest that such a score be tallied.
10. “You always do this or never do that.” You hate it when you get the always/never routine, so don’t be a hypocrite. It’s a great way to paint yourself in a corner because chances are, it’s simply not true. and “Down goes Frazier
11. “You’re over-reacting.”While this may be true from an objective standpoint, she will never agree, at least not on the spot. No matter what she may be throwing at you, be that insults or ceramic knick-knacks, she believes she’s acting appropriately. So duck if you have to and then say something like this: “I don’t blame you for being upset, but I’d rather focus our energy on fixing the problem.”
12. “You’re not being logical. ”Once again, you may be right, but that’s beside the point. (Note that we said “may.”) When in the midst of a debate, one plus one can equal three. Put logic aside, and listen for the core matter as she sees it. Hopefully she’ll return the favor when you suggest, for instance, that because it’s the third Sunday of the month, it would be a crime against humanity if you didn’t go fishing.
13. “Who put that idea in your head, your mother?” On a calm day, your wife or main squeeze may concur that her mother is a bit “out there.” However, when you suggest that some beef or ideas of hers isn’t genuine and, instead, has been “planted” by her mother (or sister, or girlfriend), it suggests that she can’t think for herself. Treat her thoughts and ideas as her own, regardless of their origin.
14. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”Well, maybe you need to read more, because whenever you feel you’ve heard the worst of ideas, just sample a few pages of the Darwin Awards. Don’t dismiss ideas outright. Instead, express what about the idea you don’t like. Even better, start by saying what you do like about the idea. Remember, someone once called the internal combustion engine a waste of gray matter.
15. “The other guys’ wives are cool with it.”Even if true, such statements really shouldn’t matter. Think about it this way: If your kid wanted to do something that you didn’t want him to, would the fact that another parent told his kid it was OK change your mind? We didn’t think so. What other wives or girlfriends are doing or saying should be of no concern. Make decisions for yourselves and leave others out of it. Or risk your wife telling you all about the “super-duper romantic” dinner some other husband put together for some other wife.
16. “I’d rather watch the game with the guys than hang out with you.” Sure, it’s sometimes true, but as the old saying goes, discretion is the better part of valor.
17. “You’ll feel differently tomorrow.”Maybe. Maybe not. Often, a good night’s rest provides a different perspective on life, right? And though this insight may be wise, none of us like to hear it. That’s because it suggests that something we’re upset, angry or passionate about now is just a passing fancy.
18. “You always (fill in the blank).” “You never (fill in the blank).”Definitive statements like these only poke the bear. In most of these cases ¾ “You never give me credit for what I do!” ¾ they’re not literally true and only come off as grandiose statements that hide the real concern or message. Talk, instead, in terms of “sometimes” and “only occasionally.” You’re more apt to be heard, even if you feel that never happens.
19. “You didn’t used to be this way.”Inherent in this statement is the implication that in whatever manner you suggest she “used to be,” that that was far better than the way she is now. Ouch!
20. “You’re missing the point.”When your wife hears this, it gets translated into “You’re not smart enough to understand what I obviously said so clearly and so brilliantly, so let me dumb it down for you.” If you really think she missed your point, then make your point again in a different way. Or you will be like SAM KINISON