Relationships at 40

I was asked to write some words for someone giving a speech on relationships for those still single over 40. This is what I wrote

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision about someone . You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. Its not whispering pretty lies in the dark. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Its like being wrapped like a gift in understanding.

But unfortunately to many of come into a relationship with a check list The allurement that women hold out to men is precisely the allurement that Moby Dick held out to Captain Ahab…thet are enormously dangerous and hence enormously fascinating . She is the most dangerous of playthings Adam Smith wrote “the game women play is men”

For some women, what is a date, but a job interview that lasts all night. Love is like a game of poker. Some feel if they they want to win their hand then they should be carefull not to show their cards before the man shows his. If dating is like shopping then having that approach is like being put on lay away. Its like saying ‘I know i want it but i want to delay taking it home as long as possible”.

I know of a friend who had lost his wife in 2007. Here was a man who at one time was homeless and through his own hands and efforts is multimillionaire. At 45 he doesn’t have to work a day ever again in his life. Most who have met him would never realize that he was a millionaire because he doesn’t live like one. This is a man who once a year pays for a childs medical bills though the Make a Wish Foundation and the funds always come from “unknown donor” . Most would say he’s a good-looking man,smart, well dressed and with a good heart. But most women never knew that to win his heart they had to be confident. He told me is late wife won his heart just by saying.

“I WANT TO KNOW YOU” and he was hooked. No drama… no games…no playing hard to get.

Love and relationships never dies a natural death over 40. It dies because we dont know how to replenish its source It dies of blindness of errors, betrayals, and unrealistic expectations. It dies of illness, wounds, or withering and tarnishing.
This is what he said at her eulogy

Did you know that I tasted heaven? It’s true. I tasted heaven the day we made love and everyday since . And when we kissed you sent me flying, dancing on the clouds while the stars sent down some loving light to shine upon us.
You’re were beautiful person inside and out. You possessed the grace of a dove, soaring into a never-ending shock of blue and downy white. And you have all the kindness and love of an angel bathed in heavenly light.

That’s what you are to me–my very own angel, and I’ll always own a bit of heaven as long as you’re a part of my life . Goodnight my love

May you all find that love in your life also.

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